if someone is so weak that they feel cultural pressure to change their name on marriage then presumably they're not that bothered about equality anyway

[UnlikelyAmazonian]

Positited on the |Lone parents thread.

Any thoughts?

....."so weak that they feel cultural pressure"

just to underline that

fuck 'em.

If someone thinks that the only reason someone gets married and chooses to change their name is because of cultural pressure then they're talking out of their arses.

lone parents thread on mumsnet?

meh

Mean it

Meh

Well now. If you're talking about British women, I'm not sure many actually think about the issue of changing their name after marriage as it's so entrenched in our society. Thus it's not weak, is it, to change their name on marriage?

I think it's harsh and sweeping to say it's weak.

I think people pick their battles and perhaps for many, their name isn't actually that much of an issue. For others, it may be more of an issue and they will contest automatically changing to their husbands.

I reckon if you're an out and out anti name changer, perhaps marriage isn't for you anyway as surely it's an institution that sought to preserve the male inheritance only.

Heigh ho. Big topic.

what bollocks

I hated my maiden name, couldn't wait to change it

this is one of the subjects I have totally no opinion on

change your name, don't change your name, double-barrel it or call all of you "spudbucket"

I don't give a flying feck

And everyone feels cultural I don't know what, pressure is the wrong word, but I don't think it's weak to conform sometimes.

I too didnt like my maiden name that much and leapt at the chance to have a very common anonymous one which is an advantage in my line of work.

Ridiculous to call it weak.

I had a last name I was desperate to get rid of.....no other reason than that. Choose your battles.

Weak? eh?
Nuts

One's maiden name is their father's. One's married name, is their husband's.

Aren't there some cultures where one takes on the mother's maiden name? I would be in favor of that.

good point, ilove

I don't get on ith my father, so could not wait to ditch his fucking horrible name...

Hey - I got to have the choice to change my name, just as I get the choice to wear trousers or a skirt, without causing too much hillarity or eyebrow wagging.

So am currently in a dual name situation as am too tight to pay to get my passport updated, but have got my married name on everything else - it feels a bit like being an international woman of mystery sometimes

DH doesn't get to make any of those choices - think he'd face a disciplinary hearing and the sack if he turned up to work in a skirt and he never had the choice whether or not to change his name.

Surely EQUALITY wasn't about becoming men (and not getting these choices) it was about creating choices and opportunities for women.

You can change or not bother to change your name if you get married

You can choose not to get married

You can choose to have children all on your own if you REALLY don't want to get in a relationship

You can wear trousers or skirts

You can work or SAHM

You can have a larger choice of careers (although glass ceilings do still exist)

I think equality is about having CHOICE and respecting the choices other people and women make...

absolutely ilove - i swopped one paternal name for another, in my case a very boring one for one that more accurately identifies my heritage.

OK he can wear a kilt - and does

I don't think it's weak, I think there are some good, positive reasons for changing name, and they apply to the man changing to the woman's surname as well (or one partner to the other's, to keep it inclusive).

Having said that, as someone who hasn't changed her name, I have had to explain and deflect some really ignorant shit over the years. So I'm not neutral about it. I have opinions and they pretty much relate to how much I dislike the person and whether or not they have sneered at me about the status of my surname.

My maiden name was my Dad's name, my mum's maiden name was her Dad's name and so on.

So they are all some bloke's name whatever way you look at it.

My Dad was lovely but his name was flippin terrible. I cant tell you the trouble it gave me.

women don't have our own names then do we?

before I married, my name was my father's - what about my mother? her name was her father's, until she married my dad. Her mum's was her dad's, until she married my mum's dad...

the female surname does not exist.

all surnames come down the male line. so it's not like you've got much of a choice in that way anyway. so I don't see the big deal in swapping one you were given from a man through accident of birth for the one of the man you have chosen to spend your life with.

Yeah but you have mitochondrial dna - that comes down the maternal line and is far more interesting than a name [geek]

Ill take DPs name and have mine as a 2nd middle-name for myself and DCs

Feminism is about being able to choose

Ill take DPs name and have mine as a 2nd middle-name for myself and DCs

Feminism is about being able to choose

I have posted about this before, its all patriarchial but at least we can chose our husbands, we don't get to chose our fathers.

So it's still a mans name, but through a happy decision.

Maybe we should all trawl through our matriarchial lines to find the mother of all mothers and use this name instead.

I would but I loved both my dad's name and my dh and I bet my first female ancestor is called Voldemort or Shithead.

Ha.

By the way sorry about the spellings, maybe if I was Ms Voldemort I would be better.

What a load of cobblers, I didn't succumb to "cultural pressure", I wanted my DH's name, his is a normal, happy family, unlike my highly dysfunctional one.
When my DD marries, I don't care what she does with her name, even though our branch of the family ends with her if she takes her husband's name, the only thing that matters is that the two people who marry do what they want to do.

If she marries her current BF, their names would sound fab if double-barrelled.

i married last month and i've not changed and i probably won't change at work and i don't have to decide about my passport until 2016 but i don't feel strongly and i'm happy for people to call me mrs dhsname if they want to.. i am mrs dhsname just like he's dhsfirstname dhsfatherslastname and i am also myfristname myfatherslastname.

i don't think that my name is the be all and end all of my stance on equality.

me too i have a stupid surname my sil wont change her surname and every one thinks the oh is hen pecked