if someone is so weak that they feel cultural pressure to change their name on marriage then presumably they're not that bothered about equality anyway

[UnlikelyAmazonian]

Positited on the |Lone parents thread.

Any thoughts?

I agree with the original post, actually.

And I can't stand my father, but I'd rather have the name I grew up with than that of DP's father.

I cannot help having been born into the patriarchy, but at least I don't have to perpetuate this particularly horrid habit of a rebrand when you're handed over from one man to another.

and if one avoids the decision at marriage then one still has to make it when you have children.... you can't just keep adding more and more family names double and triple and quadruple barrelling..

I gave my children my surname and their father's. If and when they have children of their own, they can choose for themselves. They're bright young women, it won't be beyond them.

Mind you, I haven't married their father in any case .

for anyone who has been misled by this thread about a thread, the OP claims that anyone who has changed their name did so because they were forced to by society/culture/whatever, and that the reason for namechanging is that men make the decisions. My opinion is that anyone changing their name on marriage should be doing so out of choice, not because they feel pressure to do so.

A blog on this very issue

Fluffles I like your point. More to life than names.

Depends what your name is, frankly. I have a nice, multiculti name that sums up my ethnic origins (and does so much more effectively than my deceptively white-bread looks). It's quite important to me, thank you.

It's also my work name. It's the name in which I got my degree. It's the name by which I was known for the 36 years before I took up with Mr Inferior. Were I to trade it in for his I would vanish.

I feel the same MI and mine is dull as ditchwater

I agree motherinferior - the great thing is that as woman today we have the choice

I found it odd that the person who started this thread was on the one hand berating lack of equality, yet on the other suggesting that women only change their name on marriage due to a patriarchal society and pressure. I find this view demeans a woman's intelligence and her right to choose. If someone wants to change their name, great, and if someone doesn't, great too. That's what equality is all about - choices.

But to say like the OP that women are 'forced' to change their name and this is the fault of men

I fancy a change. I'll be quite happy to take DPs name. He was a bit surprised, said I really didn't have to.

Thanks to frisky war-time Granny my current name isn't really mine anyway, IYSWIM. So I see names as a bit of a fluid concept, however, I do respect others views to the contrary.

I knew of a couple who, when they married, chose to take on a totally new surname together. They chose their dog's name! Think it was Griffin or something - can't remember now!

just don't change it if you don't want to, i didn't, and when people ask why i just say, i kept mine.

who cares?

I've kept my ex husband's name, it's a fab name

What a nonsense load of bollocks.

If thought I had to I probably wouldn't have taken my husband's name. But I didn't have to, I wanted to, I wanted to marry him and I wanted to be 'Mrs', I wear the badge with pride, he is my family and I am his.

That's all.

My name is a fundamental part of my identity, part of the person I have always been. I'd never ask my husband to change his name in order to be automatically associated with me and I asked he respect my views and not ask me to change my name for those reasons.

To me it feels like labelling a possession, them putting their name on you. I'm always surprised how many intelligent women can't wait to extinguish part of their lifelong identity. I can't fathom why anyone would choose to do it (aside from having a ridiculous surname like Pissflaps or something) - why do all you namechangers do it?

I only got married to save my DH from a lifetime of grief from the MIL!

pmsl at pissflaps

Man here.

My surname is my Dad'd step-fathers. So really it's nothing to do with my heritage either.

I'd like to change it but then my DC wouldn't have the same name as me or their mum who has remarried and her surname is now double-barreled.

Thinking about is she's got my dad's stepdad's surname and new husbands dad's surname.

I reckon do what makes you happy.

I don't care one way or the other, but I have a somewhat problematical relationship with my bioDad (understatement) and I probably would have changed my name even if I hadn't married DH. I found using DHs name a huge relief tbh.

I was going to say 'taking' DHs name, but I actually feel more like I've co-opted MILs - she's who I think of when I think of Mrs DHsurname.

I thought about changing my name to improve googleability
Bloody silly idea. DH was suitably horrified!
It may just be a name, but it's my name, not specifically my father's - I have never understood that. I've been that name since I was born. Other people are called the same. Why does everyone say it's your father's name when presumably other people have the same, somewhere, perhaps (probably) unrelated to you?

i got married to get some legal right like next of kind, and so on, don't even celebrate that aniversary, didn't change my name, but guess moss people do it for tradition ? i know someone who change her maiden name to a 'diosdado', she hates it and avoid using it, so yes, i guess she felt pressured to change it.

Sorry serenity, my post coming right after yours looks a bit chippy

that's a good point serenity, my Mother-in-law passed away before we were married, - she was a truly lovely lady - another good reason for wearing the family name badge with pride.

We all have our reasons to and some not to, but i can honestly say none of mine were about being weak or caving to any kind of cultural or traditional pressure, and frankly i find it insulting to suggest so.

I've got a very unusual firstname so I've never felt particularly identified by my surname.

Dh's was nicer sounding so I took it (well sort of - I got about halfway through changing all my documentation and got a bit bored so I'm known by one name or another depending on the situation). Actually Dh was quite keen on using my surname as our family name due to his rubbish parents but I got final say.