What can I do - he is always so bloody grumpy?!

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I am genuinely wondering whether dh is depressed or (more likely) just becoming more of a miserable git as the years go by.

We have 2 lovely daughters, the youngest is 1, and I think all the ingredients for a happy life. He is (very, I think) well paid and admits doesn't have to work that hard at the moment (eg test drove a car the other lunch time, seems to be able to surf the net etc etc). Life is pretty good, I would say, apart from being tired and not getting much time to ourselves. We have no family help so weekends and evenings are not exactly relaxing. Well welcome to parenthood! Plus he is away the whole of this coming w/e with friends so he gets the odd break, not often tbh.

We are at the stage when any act of childcare that doesn't go 100% his way causes shouting, grumping and moaning about how impossible it all is and he "never gets any time to himself". I think the main issue is one of control - he likes to be in control of his life and having children has made this harder.

He is a very loving father but is increasingly miserable to be with. Last night for example - in my eyes he came home to a nice meal, happy children etc and then spent about 15 mins settling the baby. He interpreted this as "3 hours of getting her to sleep" and sat about looking furious and sullen for the rest of the evening before going to bed in a strop at 9.15.

Sorry it all prob seems rather petty but I just wish he could enjoy it more (or at least stop spoiling it for me - the black cloud is hard to avoid).

I don't think he is clinically depressed - he seems to be able to enjoy life when it goes completely his way and I know he will return at the weekend happy for a bit...but I despair at the thought of decades more of living with such self indulgent grumping.

Help please!!

To also add, I think it's really important for men like this to face up to addressing issues in therapy otherwise, sorry to say, this coupled with mid life crisis type thoughts makes him ideal fodder for an affair, especially if he takes to spending more weekends away with his mates. It's damn important that he has the balls to address this.

i think there is danger you are taing all the repsonsibility for his hppiness and well being. i used to do that - organize trips out/lunches/outings etcetc. do things to 2make him happy". it didnt work of course...

bear in mind only he can decide whetehr or not to take responsibility for his own well being and happiness.

you can suggest therapy etc - but it will be his choice.

you then need to consider what behaviours are acceptable to you in your home and what you will do about them from your point of view, what your reaction will be

or to put it another way round - when i had already told my nowexP it was over between us - he bought massive expensive presents for me in the belief it would make me happy and change my mind...(he even said: "but i bought you that xxx with my love! how can you say you want to leave me") clearly it did not. only I could decide whether i could be happy with him or not. no amount of gifts etc would change that.

when you happy with yourself/with being with someone - a gift of time/present /outing - well it feels nice. if you not happy with the person/situation - it wont make any difference.

give it a try - but set yourself a limit to how much time/effort you will put into it...

Not read all the posts in detail, but sounds exactly like my H. Scarily similar. But it just gets worse. I think a lot if it is selfishness, and I think some is not being suited to family life. Mine says that all he ever wanted was a family,but can only spend a couple of hours with ds before he starts to get irritated. And he seems to have this completely idealised view of children. He is an only child, with very small family and no experience of babies or children before ds.
I don't know what the answer is. We are going on holiday next week and if he acts up and ruins this holiday then I have had it with him.

My DH is like this. Miserable fucker at times.
Prone to tantrums when things don't go his way.

I have learnt to use the exact same techniques as I do on my children (4 & 1).

Ignore bad behaviour, praise good behaviour. Distraction, humour. Basically just not reacting to the bad temperedness.

I got him to do more with the DC, not ask, just expect. Ignore the huffing and puffing and eventually it stops. Or I would just respond with, 'yes I always find it really frustrating when they do that too'

DH very much likes his routines though. Gets very upset if they children won't go to bed, moans if I let them stay up late.

I have a lie in every Sunday. DH gets up with the DCs. However, not before 7am no matter what time they wake up.

And we can never swap to a Saturday, even if I'm ill/hungover/tired. Oh no siree.

But that's just him. I fell in love with his boorish bravado when we were younger so this is the flip side I suppose.

And it can be better, as long as you prove that his stropping doesn't get him what he wants.