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Original poster

I want to seduce my boss...

60 replies

SillyTeenager · 15/11/2010 22:38

Hi, I am a namechange regular.

The feeling towards my boss is only recent. He is a very succesfull and somewhat distant alpha-male type. We went on a trip together recently and got to know eachother better. I grew to really, relly like the man beneath the alpha-male cover. He is sweet, gentle and nice. But I have not really thought about him in that way until the last night of our trip. We went for a dinner with other people. He sat very close to me the whole night, and I caught him looking at me constantly in a shy, gentle way. He'd avert his gaze whenever I caught him staring. I know how childish and unfounded this sounds. But since that evening I cannot stop thinking about him. I did not expect that. I did not have feelings for him beforehands. But now I really, really fancy him, and the thought of not being with him fills me with so much sadness. I want to be with him but 1. He is my boss. 2. I am basing my feelings on one night of looking at eachother. I know how silly I sound. But I feel so sad when I am not around him.

I know what I want to do. But how? Is it silly to think that I can get together with him based on one night of stolen glances?

OP posts:
Bast · 15/11/2010 22:58

It's silly to feel sad when you aren't around him, based on one night of what you perceive to be stolen glances.

...why stolen glances? Are you both free and single?

TechLovingDad · 15/11/2010 22:59

If you are both single, why not ask him out?

If you're not, then forget it.

Marlinspike · 15/11/2010 23:02

even if you are both single, be careful! If he is your boss, try thinking ahead to what may happen if any relationship ends..or will there be repercussions if you have a relationship in the workplace?

Just remember, if he's the boss, it's unlikely his career will suffer if it all goes tits up.

And if either of you are in a relationship... well, your call, but think VERY carefully!

ChateauDeLaShite · 15/11/2010 23:22

Two maxims to live by:

  1. Never dip your pen in the office ink
  2. 'Alpha male' is a euphemism for twat
TechLovingDad · 15/11/2010 23:30

It does depend on how closely you work. Workplace romances are common, if only due to the amount of hours you spend in the office.

I agree that most 'alpha males' are twats, though.

SparklingExplosionGoldBrass · 15/11/2010 23:31

Shagging the boss is usually disastrous even when you are both single to start with. THe problem is, there'sa big power imbalance, which is never a good starting point for anything more than a cheery no-strings bunk up. But no strings bunk ups with work colleagues tend to go horribly wrong and then you might have to leave your job (because if it does go so horribly wrong that one of you has to leave that workplace, it will be the lower-status employee that gets told to get out).

Mummiehunnie · 16/11/2010 00:09

Do you ever fancy certain characters in series on tv, then you see the actor being interviewed and feel horribly disappointed? I have...

I wonder how sexy your boss would look if he had been made redundant, was in jeans with a few days stubble and sweating like a pig doing bad diy until another job comes along, and shouting at you to get him a cup of tea, as that could very well be your reality!

My ex was like that at work, smart in a suit all powerful etc to women, i met him before he was the boss, to me he was a grumpy, sweaty man at home at the weekends, just a normal man with weekend stubble etc... out cutting the grass

If you are both free and single and if you are interested in the reality of the man then go for it, if it is the fantasy of the boss and alpha male, I think you will be disappointed!

booyhoo · 16/11/2010 00:11

what chateau (do i 'know you chateau?) said.

AnyFucker · 16/11/2010 00:12

chateau...those are bloody brilliant maxims Smile

AnyFucker · 16/11/2010 00:13

OP, are you actually a teenager ?

AnyFucker · 16/11/2010 00:18

that was a serious question, btw...not an insult

TechLovingDad · 16/11/2010 00:26

It worked on both levels, AF. Grin

aurynne · 16/11/2010 02:20

Are you Bridget Jones?

Anniegetyourgun · 16/11/2010 08:30

It's very, very common to have a crush on someone at work, particularly someone in a position of power. Actually doing something about it, though, is generally unwise for the excellent reasons people have already given.

In my last workplace there were two people who'd briefly been a couple and then split and the atmosphere was horrible.

MrsVincentPrice · 16/11/2010 08:40

Get a new job, and seduce him at your leaving do. If your reaponse is that getting a new job would not be that easy then bear in mind that that's how it would probably end anyway.

WkdSM · 16/11/2010 08:46

My Dh was my bosses boss, and says he had fancied me for ages but did not ask me out until

  1. We had both split up from previous partners (no connection, just both in bad relationships)
  2. He was moving onto another subsiduary company and so we would not be working in the same company

I got lots of comments though at work about it and a lot of people thought we must have been having a long term affair (we hadn't)

If you are in a relationship with someone else, you should end that (if that is what you want) before you even think about going out with someone else
If he is in a relationchip, do not even go there.

ValiumSingleton · 16/11/2010 08:52

Oh dear. type up your cv then.

ValiumSingleton · 16/11/2010 08:54

I agree that Alpha male doesn't sound that attractive. I think of sense of entitlement when I hear the words 'alpha male'.

Lolass · 16/11/2010 09:32

I really hope his is unattached, if not please dont be silly !

swallowedAfly · 16/11/2010 09:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

clam · 16/11/2010 10:19

And you still haven't said if he's married or attached. But, as others have said, even if he isn't, it's a Bad Idea.

madonnawhore · 16/11/2010 12:45

Been there, done that. What Chateau said, basically.

It's a fucked power dynamic from the outset and there is so much more to lose if it all goes wrong.

Unless you genuinely think he's the love of your life and he thinks likewise, I would avoid getting into that situation at all costs. The fallout wouldn't be worth the shag and the short lived ego trip.

Original poster
SillyTeenager · 16/11/2010 20:44

Thanks for the replies! I had to go to work Smile.

Well, stolen glances, I would say because he would always avert his glance whenever I look at him. It felt like he was stealing them, and I do not know why.

TechDad, we are single. I am not a traditionalist, but somehow in this situation, with him being my superior, and a lot older than me I feel like I cannot ask him out.

AF, I am not, but I do accept the criticism.

swallowed, sadly, I think you are right, and that is what makes me sad. Although, I really need to clear something up. He is not 100% Alpha Male. He sort of is, work wise, but is also very supportive and patient to people under him. And if you get to know him privately, he is not like that at all. It is a persona he puts on for work, but even then he is not an asshole.

The funny thing is that I am really feeling proper emotions for him. Not just wanting to shag him. So I wouldn't. I really just want to be close to him, which to be honest, probably means nothing would happen anyway. I am not going to shag him, and what is the likelyhood of him feeling as tender towards me as I do towards him? Probably very slim. So while I do feel like a silly teenager, no, I would not risk hurting myself by having a one (or a few) night's stand. It would not do anything for how I actually feel about him.

I was so scared today that it is all in my mind that I was very cold towards him, and he was trying to chat in a friendly manner about how I am enjoying other projects I am working on... And I did not respond in a friendly manner, which is stupid, not just because of how I feel, but because I should not shoot down someone who is basically trying to be nice and kind. Just out of my own insecurity. Agh, I am really behaving like a teenager! How do I become normal? How do I repair my behaviour of today?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 16/11/2010 20:49

it was honestly a genuine question

since you have posted more, and are both single, why not make some friendly overtures and see how it pans out

AnyFucker · 16/11/2010 20:51

oops posted too soon

by my question, I meant that my answer could be very different f you actually were a teenager

I wouldn't recommend a teenager date their boss, but a grown woman...why not if you go in with your eyes open ?