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Relationships

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Original poster

I want to seduce my boss...

60 replies

SillyTeenager · 15/11/2010 22:38

Hi, I am a namechange regular.

The feeling towards my boss is only recent. He is a very succesfull and somewhat distant alpha-male type. We went on a trip together recently and got to know eachother better. I grew to really, relly like the man beneath the alpha-male cover. He is sweet, gentle and nice. But I have not really thought about him in that way until the last night of our trip. We went for a dinner with other people. He sat very close to me the whole night, and I caught him looking at me constantly in a shy, gentle way. He'd avert his gaze whenever I caught him staring. I know how childish and unfounded this sounds. But since that evening I cannot stop thinking about him. I did not expect that. I did not have feelings for him beforehands. But now I really, really fancy him, and the thought of not being with him fills me with so much sadness. I want to be with him but 1. He is my boss. 2. I am basing my feelings on one night of looking at eachother. I know how silly I sound. But I feel so sad when I am not around him.

I know what I want to do. But how? Is it silly to think that I can get together with him based on one night of stolen glances?

OP posts:

Original poster

SillyTeenager · 16/11/2010 20:59

Yes, I have sort of made some friendly overtures today. But I was also business like when maybe I should not have been. I think I am out of practice.

OP posts:

happiestblonde · 16/11/2010 21:00

A bit different but I seduced (?!) in a sense my University tutor; you can't get fired from uni but we were both told from the start that the 'power' dynamics would lead to it failing as circumstances changed. It didn't, we're still together and life couldn't be better in that respect, but my point is that before you make presumptions about the alpha male/power bit give some thought to whether you would indeed feel so excited by him if you met him in a bar.

happiestblonde · 16/11/2010 21:00

happiestblonde · 16/11/2010 21:01

Oops sorry, blackberry

happiestblonde · 16/11/2010 21:01

Oops sorry, blackberry

Original poster

SillyTeenager · 16/11/2010 21:08

Oohh, sadly for me, I think I would feel as excited about him in different circumstances too.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 16/11/2010 22:26

a) How much is much older?

b) Let him do the running, for crying out loud, woman! Do you really think most men want women to ask them out? This is particularly true if he is a lot older.

isthisanEA · 16/11/2010 22:31

when I see a fab winter coat in the Boden catalogue I always ask myself if I would feel the same way about it if it was available this week only as part of Lidl's November specials

atswimtwolengths · 16/11/2010 22:41

So are you saying you wonder if she'd want to shag him if he was in charge of photocopying?

Original poster

SillyTeenager · 16/11/2010 22:46

If he was in charge of photocopying he would not be him, would he?

You are right, atswim. I suppose I am scared that he won't do the running. Which basically means I am a sad case who is trying too hard.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 16/11/2010 23:00

If he won't do the running, it's because he doesn't want it enough.

If he comes after you, that's different.

You think you want him - now wait to see if he wants you.

(Easier said than done, I know! But it's so much more interesting than just jumping him!)

Original poster

SillyTeenager · 16/11/2010 23:14

You speak wise words, atswim. What do I do in the meantime? Be flirty? Normal? It is also hard to judge, because we actually did become a lot more friendly on the trip - so our relationship has objectively changed. E.g. his chat with me this morning: how I was doing, what I was doing... it would not have happened before. And I suppose I am struggling to position myself within that, what with my new feelings and all.

OP posts:

atswimtwolengths · 16/11/2010 23:21

You should just be friendly, but as though a fling would be the last thing you'd do.

If he's your boss, if you're going to have a relationship, it's got to be a proper one.

Do you not realise how much men like chasing women? A relationship dynamic is set right from the start - if you go asking him out etc then it will never be what you want.

(Not being anti feminist here, just have observed the way these creatures work for many years!)

isthisanEA · 16/11/2010 23:36

atswim, slight diversion, do you really think men like to chase? (notdisagreeing)

isthisanEA · 16/11/2010 23:37

just looking to discuss!

pottonista · 17/11/2010 12:04

If you're serious about shagging your boss, and you reckon there's real chemistry there, get a new job lined up first. Then get jiggy with him at your leaving drinks.

Otherwise you may have fabulously HOTT sex in the stationery cupboard for a bit, but when it all blows up - and it will - it's not him who'll get 'restructured' to kingdom come.

Original poster

SillyTeenager · 17/11/2010 19:53

Yeah, I would not mind discussing whether men really like to chase. Any men with an insight out there?

OP posts:

PamelaFlitton · 17/11/2010 21:10

Men love to chase, really.

atswimtwolengths · 17/11/2010 23:15

I really do think men like to chase. Well, maybe the lazy men don't, but I think the others do.

If you think of romantic films and books (not just the trashy sort) it's all about how it's going to happen. We know it's inevitable, but it's exciting thinking about it and wondering what'll happen when.

It seems such a shame to give that up and just ask a man out.

And you'd never know whether he'd ask you if you didn't.

BenHer · 18/11/2010 10:37

I'm a confirmed chaser but not averse to being chased occasionally.Variety and all that.

In your case I would advise letting him make the first move on the grounds that if you've read the situation wrong it will leave you looking a bit of a twat with nowhere to go.

Nothing wrong with being friendly and smiley with him without going over the top.If he is interested he will need to believe he has at least a 50/50 chance that his approach would not be in vain.Good luck!

fartmeistergeneral · 18/11/2010 10:45

One thing I read recently on MN (font of all knowledge) was that it's surprising how attractive someone becomes when they are attracted to you.

What I mean is, you've been working alongside this guy for a while and felt nothing, then when he perhaps makes it obvious he fancies you, you see him in a new light.

This is happening to me at work a bit. There's a guy (labourer type) who's not remotely attractive, a bit thick frankly, but has been kind of flirting with me recently, and I can't believe I've been thinking of him in a new way. Then I have to shake myself and see him as I used to. Does this make sense?

AnyFucker · 18/11/2010 11:56

Nothing wrong with "thick labourer types"

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 18/11/2010 12:25

it makes sense.

i think a lot of my 'love' life in youth was about who liked me rather than i who i liked iyswim. i confused their attraction and how it made me feel with being attracted to them, then soon into things i'd realise i didn't fancy them in the slightest or particularly like them.

grew out of it thank god.

MsGee · 18/11/2010 12:27

On one hand you are both single, so why not...

On the other, he is your boss. This means that there would always be a power imbalance in your relationship, whether either of you want it there or not. Are you prepared to change jobs - report to someone else for this guy? Or to lose your existing work relationships because people no longer trust you? Or to be gossiped about?

Sorry to be harsh but I have seen so many office romances and whilst its a good place to meet someone, a boss / subordinate rarely works out.

You also need to think about the impact him being your boss has on your feelings. Is it just that a man in power is making a play for you? Examine your feelings carefully before you do anything!

Kewcumber · 18/11/2010 12:29

if anything close to be an alpha male - he needs to chase, they do it if they're interested and if they're not they don't. If they are chased they might not turn your overtures down initally but they're really not that into you so its doomed from teh start.

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