Just found porn sites on hubbies computer

[lollypoplady]

Am feeling a bit like I've been cheated on, it's all a bit confusing can't work out exactly how I feel?! I'm 8 months pregnant with DC 3 and we haven't had sex since baby was concieved....

One of the sites was 'college girls'....... wtf?!!

That must have been a shock, but try not to worry. Will you get chance to discuss this with him later on today?

I do think an awful lot of men (and women) have a crafty look at these kind of sites, whether they'd ever admit it or not. College girls doesn't mean underage, so don't panic about that aspect.

I know DP has had the odd look at those sites in the past, he's really open about that kind of thing and it bothered me until I got him to show me the kind of stuff he'd looked at. It's badly acted rubbish tbh and doesn't seem real at all. I think for him it was just a visual stimulation, and certainly nothing he'd want to do in real life, or in any way representative of the kind of woman he'd want, if that makes sense.

Talk, talk talk.

It sounds as though your misgivings about this are personal, rather than political and therefore this has made you feel insecure and vulnerable. In which case, I'd suggest you tell your H how you feel, along with what you would prefer him to do in future. He can then make his mind up whether he will carry on or not, depending on what you say. You can then decide what you want to do as a result.

FWIW, my objections to porn are political, not personal and I have a real issue with men who like to look at women on porn sites and say that they'd never want a woman "like that" in RL. I also think it desensitises sex in relationships and that the assertion that porn enhances a sex life, is an absolute myth.

However, you don't say why you haven't had sex for so long. If it's him denying you sex and using porn instead, it's a bigger problem. If it's you insisting on no sex and he is doing this to masturbate instead, then a chat about how you feel about porn use and what he will do with those feelings will hopefully suffice.

No it's him, he feels a bit strange having sex with the baby so close apparently!
Yes it is personal rather than political, I feel quite insecure that he is searching out and using other (younger & thinner) womens bodies to turn himself on, I feel a bit like I've been cheated on

is this the first time you've discovered his porn usage?

has he been like this with all your pregnancies?

Man Likes Looking At Porn Shocker.

I'm pretty good with computers - better than most of the men that I have left alone with my computer so can usually track their internet usage if i want to - from what I know ALL men use computers to look at porn :) like it or not it is normal and just what men do. maybe the odd one doesn't but I think that it is the male equivalent of reading romantic fiction. Women daydream about Mr Darcy whilst men look at naked bodies.

I guess thats true, I know he always did before we got together, but then while we were having sex he didn't really bother. It's just now we aren't he's started again and it makes me feel bad because I am 8 months pregnant and he doesn't want to have sex with me he would rather look at other women, that is why I feel bad.

I really wouldn't worry about it. Chances are you are feeling more vulnerable because you are pregnant and self conscious but he probably thinks you are as beautiful as ever and isn't comparing you to these women or even wishing he was with a woman like this. Speak to him though since communication is the most important part of a relationship and keeping it strong. Also there is no problem having sex during pregnancy unless you have been told otherwise and he should know he isn't going to touch the baby

Speak to him to put your mind at rest. Explain to him why its making you unhappy especially since your sex life is on hold. I'm sure he'll understand.

FFS how in God's name have we reached a stage where people think porn use, in preference to sex, is normal? What does the OP do with her sexual needs then, curl up with Jane Austen?

TBH I'd be pretty fucked off if my husband was refusing sex with me and knocking one out over porn I have to say.

Pregnant or not, I do understand some men don't like the whole pregnancy thing, never encountered it myself infact a lot of men get off on the changing shape of the woman they love carrying their child.

I would be very cross at no attention coming my way at all, and him getting all his kicks from the net definately.

WhenwillIfeelnormal, welcome to the internet.

The only place you can have a discussion over how your boobs feel or vaginal discharge with a bunch of complete strangers who aren't your doctor. (directs anyone who doesn't believe me to the pregnancy section)

What on earth does that mean Catherine?

BTW, the only men I have come across in RL who object to sex in pregnancy have got a raging Madonna/Whore complex going on. But I expect some posters will think that's perfectly acceptable too and that "men will be men, tsk".

I disagree about the sex in prenancy thing necessarily relating to shape - lots of men are worried about hurting the baby etc - it is not nec that they are turned off by body shape - and in the OPs case it sounds more like that is the issue here. To be blunt not every man wants to be thrusting away literally inches from an 8 month old fetus :)

I agree with WWIFN: I am very suspicious of men who don't want to have sex with pregnant wife? Perhaps I am lucky that my DW is equally attractive carrying DC.

Also porn could never be better than the real thing.

See most men I have met, Iused to work with many males, don't think of thrusting near the fetus.

The see it as making love to their wife and all that it envolves as she is carrying her child, I have yet to meet a man who actually didn't rave about their attractive pregnant wife.

So I don't think men being funny about sex in pregnancy is the norm.

i'd guess he looks at porn anyway,pregnant or not......and probably always HAS done!

wow you really have had a very busy day haven't you Lollypop.

you also seem to get offended very easily.

has she? does she? have i missed something?

well i have only been online for about half an hour tonight and so far i have seen ops from lollypop moaning about single mums and t shirts, hubby watching porn and how mn is full of bullying bitches.

Ffs probably always has done?

So you're saying that the op's husband is a liar and you understand him better than she?

QueenGigantaurofMnet Yep! Having a baaad day, fed up of being pregnant and tired from running around looking after my other two DC's and looking to share my woes/help put them into perspective, is that okay?

My dh regularly looks at this kind of stuff. I explained as gently as I could that it made me feel bad, that I felt excluded from his sex life and it made me feel frumpy and unattractive by comparison. He was very nice about it and went straight back to it. Men love porn and (most) women just don't understand that.

I did ask him if he wanted to share it with me though, but I think that took the shine off it.

dawny, thanks for making me understand that

Dawny I think you are tarring too many men with your own husbands shitty standards.

A lot of men watch porn at points I'd agree, not all men would be so disrespectful to their wives like yours.