so my dh and I were together for 3 months when we got pregnant accidentally. Now 5 years later we have two kids and a house and a whole life together. He is a good man, I love him, I'm attracted to him and he is an excellent father.
Thing is, he is a crap boyfriend. No romance, no intimacy, he is the 'ultimate' man of few words. I need emotional connection and intimacy like it's air and I have told him I feel like I am cutting off a limb by giving that up. But we have a good life together. We enjoy each others company. but something is missing for me.
Do I just suck it up, for the sake of the family, the kids? and yes, of course, I have talked to him about this. Except he doesn't 'talk'. He lets me talk and barely responds. Eventually I get tired of hearing the sound of my own voice and shut up. a couple of days go by, I get tired of being angry and things go back to normal. He flat out refuses to go to counseling with me.
I have recently reconnected with an old friend/boyfriend who lives on the other side of the world. and it was such a reminder of how much I have compromised emotionally. I mean, dh and I barely ever touch now. literally maybe a peck on the lips good-bye in the morning. I'm tired of initiating contact and it doesn't feels as though it's not 'natural' for him if that makes sense. Sex is infrequent, but it is (very) good.
I would love to hear from some other people in long-term relationships who may have some insight.
and yes, I think he was like this before we had kids, I just didn't have much time to figure that out (otherwise I probably wouldn't have stayed in the relationship). He barely has a relationship with his family.
So what do I do? Do I get real and come to terms with this and understand that this is the reality of real life? Or do I deserve more/better?
Mostly everything in the relationship is great, but this little thing, well it carries a lot of weight for me. Most of the time I feel fine, but every now and then, like now, I feel like I'm starving.