just completely lost it

[Kenickie]

I just completely lost it and smashed up his work laptop. I feel a bit shit, but he said I needed to get proper psychiatric help. I probably do....no, I know I do. but it was his actions that destroyed everything (affair) I need him to be caring and understanding, not throw it in my face. I am ill, why is he being so heartless?

The answer to why he is being heartless is that he can't have it be his fault in any way, because admitting to himself that he's done something very wrong would be painful. He has to believe he is in the right and any psycho symptoms you show he will take as retrospective justification for what he did.

Yes, get help and support, you need and deserve it, but it's unlikely you've got something really wrong with you. XH used to like to throw my "psychosis" in my face (depression actually, thank you very much) but I haven't done anything mad or even wanted to since I stopped living with him!

What caused you to actually lose it, what was the trigger?

I know you are working to get over his affair, and said that he'll do anything to keep it together.

You aren't going mad, you are rightfully angry, it's normal, it's a phase you have to go through.

If we can help, please ask, but please look into counselling, it's a safe place for you to let out your feelings and frustrations.

Discovering infidelity makes you behave in ways that are totally alien to you. I am by nature a very gentle person but the rage it released in me was unbelievable. I did not recognise the person throwing his computer out of the front door.

Many people report that they feel ill in the months following discovery, it's a symptom of the deep hurt and betrayal.

I think you would benefit from counselling, it will be somewhere for you to talk about how you are feeling in a safe environment. Do not let your H tell you are nuts, you're not, you're reacting to what he has done to you.

If only people knew what the fall out of betrayal really looks like - maybe they would think twice.