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Original poster

How often do you see a new boyfriend???

100 replies

frazzle26 · 01/11/2010 19:36

I'm newly back on the dating scene and have been going out with a very nice chap for the last month. Before we officially started going out we were seeing each other for dates so i've known him in total for about 7 weeks.

We've settled into a pattern where we see eachother about twice a week and ring/text the other days.

Does that sound about right for a new relationship??

OP posts:
mmmwine · 09/11/2010 20:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
frazzle26 · 09/11/2010 21:20

Not at the official 2 month mark yet as bf didn't ask me to be his gf til 3rd of october so got a while to go yet. we met on the 13th of Sept so have known eachother almost 2 months though!!

OP posts:
mmmwine · 09/11/2010 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nogoodatthis · 09/11/2010 22:56

The thing is that my guy and I have both been broken up with our exes about the same amount of time and I suppose we're both a bit battle scarred and wary of getting hurt again so are playing it cool (as cool as we can when we can't keep our hands off each other!). We haven't really had a talk about what our relationship IS or where it's headed. He's kind of just taking each date as it comes at the moment which is fine I guess, but I suppose I would like to make it 'official' somehow. He hasn't really said how he feels about me other than than the usual things you say to one another when you first start dating like 'you're great, funny, attractive, etc...', but then I haven't said anything to him about how I feel about him either. His behaviour and treatment of me has been impeccable so far - very chivalrous and gallant and respectful and affectionate. We're very lovey dovey together and stuff but...no big statements yet.

It has only been a month though, and he does have DCs (I don't) (they don't live with him but they stay with him often), so I think maybe I'm expecting too much too soon if I think that he's suddenly going to make some big pronouncement about going steady with me. It feels like I've been seeing him for longer, but a month really isn't that long to be able to say for sure whether you want to sign up to something lock stock and barrel is it, especially when children are involved? Although I feel like if he asked me if I wanted to be official with him I would definitely say yes.

Should I be gearing up to be having the 'where is this going?' conversation with him soon, or just keep on letting whatever happens happen? I don't want to force the issue too soon and make things awkward or contingent on an answer one way or the other...yet.

Nogoodatthis · 09/11/2010 22:59

Actually that last sentence doesn't really make sense. Obviously if his answer was 'the other' then I'd be telling him to do one.

You get the gist of what I'm saying though right?

ginnny · 10/11/2010 11:11

I get the gist! I'd let things coast for a while longer and enjoy it. Don't rock the boat I say!!
We have been together 2 months and I have met his family and he has met mine.
Our dc have only met each other twice, I'm being a bit cautious on that score but they seem to get on Ok.
We never had 'the talk' he just introduced me to people as his girlfriend from day one, which was lovely as I felt like it was all official.

allgonebellyup · 10/11/2010 11:20

i cant see him ever meeting my family! i dont really want him to tbh. And i dont think that i will be meeting his!!

Original poster
frazzle26 · 10/11/2010 17:56

I was really pleased when my bf officially asked me to be his gf. Up til that point neither of us knew what to refer to each other as when we were introducing each other to friends so it was a bit embarassing.

Also I got to update my facebook status. Afterall, if it's not on facebook then it's not official lol!!

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 12/11/2010 09:16

Having problems with my new blokey. He said something nasty about my son being wimpy (but it was worse than this)and this is the 2nd time he has done this - he says i am being over sensitive.He is lovely in all other ways but i cant stop feeling hurt.
i did try to end it when he said his nasty thing, i told him to get out of the house and i never wanted to see him again - and he got upset and was very humble and apologetic.
Havent spoken/had contact with him since Wed night.

ginnny · 12/11/2010 11:33

Oh dear. Sad
My son is a bit of a wuss sensitive lad and I get very defensive if anyone comments on it, which XP used to do a lot.
Don't necessarily finish over it though. Have a go, tell him you don't like it and leave it. If he carries on saying it knowing how you feel then you have problems.

Nogoodatthis · 12/11/2010 11:33

Hmmm, yeah doesn't sound cool, AGBU. Pretty mean of him to say something like that.

Good for you for not minimising it and standing up for your son and refusing to take any shit. You're a strong woman and a great mother.

allgonebellyup · 12/11/2010 11:35

Feeling :-( about it all now...

allgonebellyup · 12/11/2010 11:38

Aw, thank you. The thing that made me very Hmm about it was that his ex has a little son, and my blokey said he used to call this boy a "little shite" quite often, and the boy's mum would find this hilarious!!
What kind of mum would find this funny?

Blokey has said he realises he was bang out of order. I REALLY bloody hope so.

ginnny · 12/11/2010 11:45
Shock NO thats not funny at all. I'd go apeshit if anyone called my dc that. I think at this stage you are still testing the water with each other and setting the boundaries as to what is acceptable and what isn't. There are bound to be a few disagreements along the way. Don't worry! Smile
Nogoodatthis · 12/11/2010 12:11

Yeah I wouldn't say this is a sackable offence just yet. He should consider himself on a written warning though. If he does it again, knowing how you feel about it, then tell him to jog on.

dogfish · 12/11/2010 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

allgonebellyup · 12/11/2010 13:47

Thanks. i thought you would all jump right down my throat and tell me to get rid pronto!! Although thats what i did want to do when he said it. i was fuming so much that my heart was racing and all i wanted was for him to get out of the house.

My ds is nearly 7 btw (and is a huge wimp/mummys boy - but obv ONLY i am allowed to say this!!!)

Original poster
frazzle26 · 12/11/2010 17:22

I would be very annoyed if my new chap said mean things about my son but it would definitely depend on the context, the amount of times he said it and whether he said it in front of my son or not.

If I told him a story about my son crying because he's stubbed his toe and he jokingly said it then that would obviously not be a problem; particularly if ds wasn't even in the room. Obviously if i had just told him that my son had been crying his heart out because he was being badly bullied at school and he called him a wimp then i would be cross (even if ds wasn't in the room).

I would find it particularly unacceptable at this early stage in our relationship for him to say anything like this to ds's face and would be cross about that too.

I think you did the right thing AGBU. After all as I say to my son, he's my Main Man. I think that your children have to come first and if someone is doing something that you don't think is right then you have to listen to your instinct.

Good luck xxx

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 12/11/2010 20:58

Thanks.

Have spoken to him briefly tonight and he is still sulking re me trying to finish things with him the other night. He said he would never have said the horrible thing about ds if he knew how protective i was of him.
This still made me angry!!!!!

Fibilou · 12/11/2010 21:04

When DH and I first got together it was straight in, seeing each other almost every day. I just couldn't bear to be apart from him.

I think whatever works for you, there is no right or wrong answer :)

Original poster
frazzle26 · 13/11/2010 14:37

I'm not saying you're wrong but how come you're still angry?? Is it because the things he said were so awful that you can't forgive them and you're worried about the kind or person he is?? Or are you just nervous because it's a new relationship and are sensitive to any little things that you feel could turn into big things later??

Depending on exactly what he said and if you think it was supposed to be "funny" then you may be able to let it go but that's really up to you. Fair play though for being really angry. I get angry enough when I feel that other children have been mean to my ds so i know that i would be v.angry if i felt that my bf had acted out of turn xx

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 13/11/2010 15:11

i just got angry that he keeps talking about how protective of ds i am - whereas i just think i am a normal mum and a pretty laid back one normally!
i think i am pissed off because up until now i was thinking how lovely new man is, and now i feel really disappointed i guess, and i keep wondering if i should end it just in case i get get more disappointed further down the line with him.

He did text at 3am today to say he was thinking about me and is looking forward to seeing me tonight. I guess i hold a grudge a long time and im worried he will be horrible about ds again (it wasnt to his face, so at least thats something)

ginnny · 17/11/2010 10:13

How is it going Allgonebellyup?
Smile

allgonebellyup · 17/11/2010 11:17

pah! All over the place!!

cindystill · 17/11/2010 11:51

That would ring warning bells for me if a new man called my 7yr old son that. Angry Haven't read your AIBU thread yet. But, that would put me right off him.