How often do you see a new boyfriend???

[frazzle26]

I'm newly back on the dating scene and have been going out with a very nice chap for the last month. Before we officially started going out we were seeing each other for dates so i've known him in total for about 7 weeks.

We've settled into a pattern where we see eachother about twice a week and ring/text the other days.

Does that sound about right for a new relationship??

[frazzle26]

Our first date was 24th Sept!!! Must be a new relationship if i can remember the exact date lol!! We had a lovely evening out last night and he stayed over ;-)

It's all so exciting at the moment. I'm impressed allgonebellyup about the flowers at work!! Were you really pleased/a abit embarrassed??!!!

[frazzle26]

Also mmmwine, it's very scary when you have your first disagreement. We had ours a few weeks ago but it was actually over something fairly serious and we're still together so he's obviously pretty keen :-). I actually think your first disagreement (and being able to get past it) it a really important milestone in a new relationship.

[allgonebellyup]

Yes i was mega embarrassed but secretly pleased about the flowers! We had a big spat in the pub last week but sorted it out fairly quickly!

He is coming to bonfire on sat and we have 2 parties of my friends that we are going to together so hopefully all good.
First date was 18th Sept!

[frazzle26]

I bet you were lol!!! It's always lovely to receive flowers. We're spending bonfire night together too which will be lovely. Nothing like getting all wrapped up nice and warm!!

[ginnny]

We met on September 12th (we were set up by friends!) and our first proper official date was the 16th September.
No arguments yet, and tbh I can't imagine what we would argue about, we get on really well.

[allgonebellyup]

Aw, my daughters birthday is the 12th (sorry, pointless comment.)

We had a bit of a weirdy jealous spat thing - my ex wouldnt stop texting and calling me, and understandably new bloke felt a bit weird and like a spare part....

[ginnny]

lol @ your dd's birthday.
We have had a whole heap of crap to deal with from my ex.
He has been so abusive to both of us that I even suggested that it might all be too much like hard work and I wouldn't blame him for walking away, but he's still here so that must count for something!
Definitely got myself a keeper

[allgonebellyup]

Same position here! i have no idea why new bloke would want to put up with this situation!!!!!

[Nogoodatthis]

I have been seeing a new guy for about the same time too (odd). We see each other on average about twice a week and keep in touch via text, etc on the days when we're not seeing each other.

My problem is that it all seems to be going well but I just cannot believe that there is not a catch. I live in constant fear of him telling me he doesn't want to carry on - not that he's given me any reason to think that at all - but since I realised I REALLY like him I've started over-analysing every single thing like when we first met we would fall asleep spooning and stay like that all night but now we're a few weeks in we might fall asleep spooning and then separate during the night. The rational part of my brain is like: "that's completely normal", but the irrational part of my brain is like: "he's going off me!".

It was all fine until I realised I had deeper feelings for him and now I'm just permanently petrified and telling myself not to get too used to it because it will all be over soon.

We haven't had a chat yet about what our relationship is or where it's going or anything, just have both been progressing forward on a kind of unspoken understanding that we both like each other enough to keep seeing each other.

I really feel like I might be crazy. How do I get a grip and chill out before I ruin it by saying something stupid like 'i love you'?

[allgonebellyup]

That last part of your message sounds like the song!!!

It always feels too good to be true at the beginning doesnt it?
Although not for me this time - i already know i dont like a lot of new bloke's (sexist!)jokes, his snoring and his constant sarcasm!!

[frazzle26]

I must admit nogoodatthis, I've had alot of the same feelings as you. I just want it to work out so badly that everytime anything little happens that I'm not sure about i get worried. I'm a bit upset as i spoke to him about 2 hours ago and he's said that he's not sure if he can make it to the fireworks as he's feeling a bit down about his car (it's cost him over £800 in repairs this month eek!!) He says he may still come and is going to call me when he gets back from the garage at about 5.30. The logical part of me says that there's nothing wrong, we haven't had a fight but I'm still upset and worried that something's going to go wrong between us.

Paranoid or what!!!!

[frazzle26]

Have to add that we had a brilliant night out on Weds though he he :-) so am happy about that x

[DanFmDorking]

er, excuse me, I'm just reading this thread and there is something I don't understand, what is this "L" word that you lot are talking about?

[frazzle26]

Lurve!!!

[Nogoodatthis]

Oh phew frazzle, after I posted that I thought you would all think I sounded unhinged, I'm kind of glad I'm not alone in my craziness!

I've been boring my friends with this subject recently and they all think that it's just a perfectly normal defence mechanism. Especially if you've been dicked around in relationships before (which I have). As a male friend of mine told me tonight: "Whenever I look back on things like this it always seems really obvious that I should have just enjoyed it for what it was at the time and not over-thought it. Because that's all you can do anyway".

What's the worst that could happen? You get dumped. Sure it will suck for a while but it's not as if you'll never get over it.

That's what I'm telling myself anyway!

[allgonebellyup]

i find i have my defences up quite high at the moment - i keep thinking how good it is right now but am paranoid something will go wrong or he will just get bored after a while.

Bit disappointed as we were meant to spend all this weekend together, but he got lost in his car following me to the bonfire then he went straight to work for all of sat night and sunday now. Also next weekend we were meant to spend all of it together but he now has to see relatives on the sunday - not his fault i know.
But am convincing myself he is bored already!

Also he used to meet me in my lunch hours from work (he works nights) but now says it is making him sleep deprived having to get up so early to meet me, so has knocked that one on the head!

[allgonebellyup]

just read your post on AIBU.

To be honest, i would be a tad pissed off too.
But dont listen to the miseries on there telling you he's a loser.
Do you feel like he makes a lot of effort for you?

[Nogoodatthis]

Just read your thread mmmwine. I'd be annoyed too. So early on into the relationship I would expect him to make a bit more of an effort. I dunno, maybe he felt it was optional since you already had solid plans for the rest of this weekend...

What's happened, are you still seeing him today?

[ginnny]

Notgoodatthis and Frazzled - Are you Me???
I am feeling exactly the same today.
We just spent the most amazing weekend together from Friday lunchtime till this morning. We took his kids to the fireworks on Saturday night and it hit me all of a sudden that I really have fallen for him and I suddenly felt terrified that it will all go wrong (like it always does for me).
Had terrible nightmare on Saturday night that we had a row and it was all over and then felt all over-emotional on Sunday.
He hasn't changed towards me at all but I'm over analysing every thing he does, if he doesn't hold my hand/kiss me/spoon in bed (me too!!!) then I'm convinced thats it, he's going to end it.
I'm my own worst enemy, really I am!

[Nogoodatthis]

ginny I think it is just a girl thing. As soon as you start to care, you're emotionally invested and then vulnerable to getting hurt, which is where the fear comes from. And I felt the fear big time this weekend. (I'll admit, PMT didn't help!)

Also, and this is a VERY IMPORTANT POINT: don't forget that you are amazing and that he is lucky to have met you. It's not all about how you feel about him, he should be counting is stars that someone as brilliant as you likes him, and he should be behaving towards you accordingly - i.e. with respect and tenderness and kindness.

If he's not making an effort to impress and romance you and build a friendship with you, then he's not good enough for you.

I'm not referring to anyone's bloke in particular; I say this only for my own benefit as well as everyone elses!

[ginnny]

Good point notgood.
I might print that out and stick it to my fridge!!

[allgonebellyup]

Wahay!!!
All sounds good then. My bloke sleeps all day until about 6pm (works nights)so i dont hear from him all day til the evening, then i go to sleep 9.30pm! So i can/could get paranoid about never hearing from him apart from a couple of hours-slot in the evening. But its fine now i know the routine!

He gets annoyed that he doesnt hear from me after 9.30pm as he is up all night working and wants to be texting all night!

[frazzle26]

I met my chap's family properly for the 1st time on Sunday with my little boy which was lovely. It all went really well. There was about 9 of them there but they made us feel really welcome!!

AIBU is harsh though mmmwine. I swear a lot of people just like to go on there for a good moan/to be abusive!!