Do we expect too much of ourselves (and each other) in terms of monogamy?

[Frrrrightattendant]

Is it even 'natural'?

I've been wondering this for ages - and not particularly in the context of any of my relationships, but it does come up and I'm interested to know if it's a minority view or there's something in it.

I was wondering whether we are, in terms of nature, really built to stay with the same person for ever. Or even for several years...or as long as our children are small(ish)?

What's the human condition got over other animals that makes us aspire to a lifelong mate? Do animals have other partners...I am ignorant on the science aspect.

It's just that I have seen so many people divorce and split up and thinking about it there does seem to be a big dissonance between social expectation (ie find ONE person, marry them, have kids, stay together) and what often happens.

I suppose I'm wondering if it might be a good thing to lower our expectations a bit - instead of getting hopeful and then being horrendously disappointed when one partner fancies someone else, or goes and has an affair or whatever.

I'm trying to word this sensitively so I hope it doesn't upset anyone. But I'm just not sure we are all cut out for long marriages.

What do people think?

This is confusing, because there are so many conversations going on at once, but in answer Mrs.S, emotional affairs do very often progress to physical relationships, but not always. And yes, for many people, an emotional non-physical affair can be just as, if not more, damaging than a physical affair without the emotions involved.

However, in statistical terms, more marriages end in divorce after a combined (physical and emotional) affair is uncovered, whoever decides to leave the marriage. It's pretty impossible to answer which scenario is more damaging in terms of the hurt caused, because everyone is different.