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Original poster

Dh doesn't 'agree' with me having anti-depressents...

53 replies

nemofish · 27/10/2010 18:32

Quick backstory, I have struggled with my mental health all my life, most of the time I function very well as a balanced human being but there have been times in my life where I have struggled - really struggled.

Things have been a bit rough for me over the past year, but I have done my best. My dad passed away a week and a half ago, and dh dropped a bombshell of his own and tbh I am in pieces and I can't fucking cope. I have lost half a stone, can't eat, can't sleep and more worrying I keep thinking 'I just want to die' and I think about self harming (I used to cut my wrists)

Dh doesn't know that I have been having these thoughts, and I could never risk leaving my dd or him, but the thought of just dying and everything ending for me is so seductive, iykwim.

I have told dh that I will try and get myself to the doctors tomorrow, I will be honest with my gp about how I am feeling and whatever they suggest I will go with. I don't care if its Prozac or beta blockers or fucking vitamin B if it helps keep me going. Now Dh is pulling disapproving faces and saying he 'doesn't like the idea of anit-depressents'

AIBU to say well you don't have to fucking have any then, if you hadn't dropped a fucking bomb on me jsut after my dad died then I probably wouldn't be fantasising about topping myslef now you stupid twunt?

I don'[t want to row with hium, but i am struggling to keep my 'cool' with him, should I tell him how I really feel? I am angry at him but I honestly don't want to make him feel guilty - he is not soley responsible for my mental state, but I feel if he is going to pull faces then he should pull faces over soemthing that matters WITHOUT THEM I CANT CARRY ON I WANT TO DIE

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 27/10/2010 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eviscerateyourmemory · 27/10/2010 18:34

If he doesnt like the idea of antidepressants then its possible that he doesnt know much about them. If you had asthma would he 'not like the idea of inhalers' or not want you to have insulin if you were diabetic? Depression is a medical condition and antidepressants are a recognised treatment for this.

Hope that you feel better soon.

WriterofDreams · 27/10/2010 18:35

Tell him how you feel, he clearly doesn't get it. You are obviously very unwell and as with any illness you need treatment. A lot of people have this reaction to anti-depressants for no good reason. They are life savers a lot of the time. I was feeling exactly like you last year but the anti-d's and support I got through it. I'm not on the pills any more and my life is going well.

Original poster
nemofish · 27/10/2010 18:41

He is normally lovely! his mother was on anti-d's for a good while before she passed away. not that he thinks that was the cause, he just thinks they make things worse not better. but i know my limits and ihave reached them. cuddling dd now will definitelt go to doctors tomorrow and tell dh when i get back.

anti-d's have a stigma don't they

OP posts:
susiedaisy · 27/10/2010 18:41

go to your gp and get some, you owe it to yourself to take care of your own self, being married doesnt mean that someone else can always help you through these things, whats does your H think he is going to do, magically lift your depression with being nice to you and doing a bit of housework?? ( so sorry to hear of your dad, sounds like you are havin a shit time of it at the moment,) i am a firm believer in taking care of yourself first so that you are able to take care of anyone else, i am on antidepressant and beta blockers for migraines and depression, and a year on i feel so much better for it, i can now take care of my DC alot better, we even manage days out now, 18 months ago i spent 3 days a week in bed or slumped on the sofa, with either migraine or feeling so low i couldnt not motivate myself to do anything, (different circumstances to you i realise) but as they say when you fly on a plane always apply your own oxygen mask on first b4 you attempt to help others with theirs.

valiumskeleton · 27/10/2010 18:46

He sounds like he's adding to your anxieties. He has preconceived idea that anti-depressants aren't for you.... Does he hear you when you tell him you are depressed? Does he think you're pretending? Or does he think you should just soldier on?

I've been on anti-depressants twice and both times they gave me that leg back up to get better myself. I don't make a secret of that. I said the other day on another thread that I wouldn't declare it to a potential employer, but I'm not ashamed of it!

msboogieHallowqueen · 27/10/2010 18:48

don't be daft about stigma! They are drugs to address a chemical imbalance just like insulin for diabetes. And your DH's opinion on your treatment is irrelevant he is not your doctor. Depression is often caused by suppressed anger - why don't you let loose and tell him how you feel? Please get to your GP, its no wonder you are overwhelmed - you just lost your dad!

WriterofDreams · 27/10/2010 18:49

I agree with susie, it doesn't really matter what your DH thinks you clearly do need antid's. They do have a stigma attached but more because people don't like to admit that they have depression.

As far as the anti-d's are concerned, remember that they will take a while to work, sometimes up to about 4 weeks. Also, the one you are given first might not be right so do go back to the GP if you feel it's having too many side effects or it's making you feel a lot worse (you may have a dip before they start working but it shouldn't be severe).

Good luck with it. Remember that depression is an illness, a horrible one. You're doing absolutely the right thing by going to your GP. Try to accept all the help you are given, go easy on yourself and ring the samaritans
www.samaritans.org/talk_to_someone/phone_calls.aspx
if you feel you can't cope.

Booboodebat · 27/10/2010 18:51

So sorry for your loss, nemofish.

If he's making you feel worse by his response, I reckon you should drop the subject, go to the GP tomorrow and get some help, then bring this up again when you are feeling more stable.

Of course you should be able to lean on him at a time like this, but if you can't, you need to put yourself first until you've stabilised imo.

Keep posting. Lots of us have been there, and you can come through to the other side.

MimsyRogers · 27/10/2010 18:52

There's no stigma any more about anti-ds surely? I've taken them and I know loads of people who have as well. They helped me out of a hole when I couldn't think of what else to do. Please tell the doctor how bad you're feeling. I really hope you feel better soon. Sorry your H is being so useless. Ignore him on this occasion. It's nothing to be ashamed of.

loopylouwitchywoo6 · 27/10/2010 18:52

It's none of his business, there's nothing to be ashamed of by taking anti depressants, if they're gonna make you feel better then who is he to judge. It's your mind not his.

plasticinepolly · 27/10/2010 18:55

You don't need his approval to get anti-depressants if that's what you want. The only people would get to make that decision is the GP and you.

If he doesn't like it then that's up to him, but tell him to not like it quietly

Dartsonwednesdays · 27/10/2010 19:30

I'm another one saying go to your GP and use what he/she suggests. DP had to use ADs for a while during a stressful period, and they certainly helped; I have my dp back to a steady state.

Thingumy · 27/10/2010 19:38

Ask him if he'd prefer you to end up on a psychiatric ward?

It's your mental health that he should be worried about not the medication that can and does save lives.

linziluv · 27/10/2010 21:35

Sounds like my fella...apparently, according to this oracle, anti depressants don't actually do anything, they just give a placebo effect
Starting antidepressants changed my life...within a month I started feeling like my old self and they also help me sleep (mirtazapine)...ur OH, like mine knows bugger all...
Good luck and take care of yourself x

HansieMom · 27/10/2010 23:54

Tell him you will get your medical care from a medical provider, aka as a doctor.

spidookly · 28/10/2010 00:05

He doesn't like the idea of you getting medical treatment for your health problems?

WTF is wrong with him?

Tell him you'll see if the pharmacy has any anti-shitbags, because you like the idea of them for him.

colditz · 28/10/2010 00:07

he doesn't have to like the idea of antidepressents, he's not the one who needs them.

I'm sorry about your dad.

Booboodebat · 28/10/2010 10:09

How are you feeling today, nemo?

atswimtwolengths · 28/10/2010 10:26

I'm so sorry you feel like this.

There isn't a stigma associated with anti-depressants nowadays. Maybe he should speak to the doctor about his views at another time?

I'm so sorry about your dad. That must have been terrible.

What was it your OH did on top of this? It seems as though this is the thing that's knocked you for six now. If he's done something shocking, it's very, very unfair of him to be against you seeking help.

EldritchCleavage · 28/10/2010 10:50

OP, do tell your DH seriously just how bad you are feeling. He needs to know. It's all very well for him to suggest you shouldn't get medication, but if he is going to offer an opinion it should be in the context of knowing all the information.

For what it's worth, as I understand it anti-depressants may not be much better than placebo for mild or moderate depression but they ARE generally effective in cases of severe depression. Once you get to the stage of viewing dying as seductive then I think your depression is probably severe.

Anti-depressants saved me. Without them I would have been too ill even for the talk therapy to help me. I haven't had to go back on them as yet but I certainly would if I thought it was necessary.

ItsGhoulAgain · 28/10/2010 13:11

People talk a load of bollocks about antidepressants. They saved my life, literally, and continue to do so. (If you get beta-blockers I'll be very [henvy] !!)

Yes, I feel you should tell DH the truth. Preferably when you're in a condition to tell him without throwing anything Wink You need support, so ask for it. Have a vitrual hug from me.

ItsGhoulAgain · 28/10/2010 13:12

vitrual? Is that a new drug?? [hgrin]

Lavenderboo · 28/10/2010 13:43

Op, I've had to deal with this crap from fuckwits well meaning individuals too.

Some replies I've had to use against such people:

Anti-ds aren't natural: is it 'natural' to feel this bad and want to end my life?

They only offer a placebo effect: if they work, they work. I don't care how they work.

The side effects are bad: not as bad as the side effects of depression (like, suicidal thoughts, self-harming).

It's all in your head. Pull your socks up.: Oh do, utterlly and totally fuck off.

Take care of yourself first; listen to his opinions second, if at all. Do what's best for you.

Original poster
nemofish · 28/10/2010 14:28

It's been building for a while, watched the 'This Is England' thing, had awful flashbacks, remembered some things that I had blocked out, no wonder I blocked them out, they were just things that were said to me by my step father, but they were awful, like 'I like it when you wear that nightie, it's 'easy access' 'If your virginity is buggin you I can sort that out' My memory is so sketchy, I'm not sure if those are things I read or heard or was afraid of. So many years taking any drug I could get my hands on to block it out.

These past ten days have jsut tipped me over the edge, I've just shut down. If it wasn't for dd I would lay in bed all day and cry. That's not normal is it?

I honestly thought I would feel better today, you know you 'sleep on it' and it all seems better in the morning. but I feel the same. It may take a few days to actually get to see a doctor but if by then I am not better then it will be worth the messing about.

SOrry i have rambled on for ages.

OP posts:
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