Dh doesn't 'agree' with me having anti-depressents...

[nemofish]

Quick backstory, I have struggled with my mental health all my life, most of the time I function very well as a balanced human being but there have been times in my life where I have struggled - really struggled.

Things have been a bit rough for me over the past year, but I have done my best. My dad passed away a week and a half ago, and dh dropped a bombshell of his own and tbh I am in pieces and I can't fucking cope. I have lost half a stone, can't eat, can't sleep and more worrying I keep thinking 'I just want to die' and I think about self harming (I used to cut my wrists)

Dh doesn't know that I have been having these thoughts, and I could never risk leaving my dd or him, but the thought of just dying and everything ending for me is so seductive, iykwim.

I have told dh that I will try and get myself to the doctors tomorrow, I will be honest with my gp about how I am feeling and whatever they suggest I will go with. I don't care if its Prozac or beta blockers or fucking vitamin B if it helps keep me going. Now Dh is pulling disapproving faces and saying he 'doesn't like the idea of anit-depressents'

AIBU to say well you don't have to fucking have any then, if you hadn't dropped a fucking bomb on me jsut after my dad died then I probably wouldn't be fantasising about topping myslef now you stupid twunt?

I don'[t want to row with hium, but i am struggling to keep my 'cool' with him, should I tell him how I really feel? I am angry at him but I honestly don't want to make him feel guilty - he is not soley responsible for my mental state, but I feel if he is going to pull faces then he should pull faces over soemthing that matters WITHOUT THEM I CANT CARRY ON I WANT TO DIE

Why do you need his permission to take ads? Just go to the doctors and get them. If he dosn't like it; tough. You don't even need to tell him really. Sorry for your loss.

Sorry haven't read whole thread but wanted to comment. I've been on anti-ds on and off for many years. In fact my ex-H was the one who begged me to go on them in the first place! I don't think your DH is acting selfishly, but maybe he needs to be better-informed. He's probably concerned that they might just cover things up and that you could become addicted.

In contrast to the general medical consensus, my own experience and of close family members has demonstrated that they can be addictive. They most certainly do work and make you feel better but I am very wary of GPs etc who tell you that it's just like taking something for a physical condition such as high blood pressure or asthma. In my opinion it's not the same, what causes mental distress can't possibly just be down to brain chemistry (unless it's mental illness).

To sum-up, in the short-term anti-ds can be a life-saver and I urge you to see your GP who will almost certainly prescribe them for you. They give you the breathing space to overcome difficulties and work through them. But don't stay on them too long. In the long-term they can be hugely addictive (not in the physical sense obviously) and trying to come off them when you feel better can be horrendous. If you're not taking them for reactive depression but for something more deep-seated, you definitely need therapy from a decent therapist to get you better. After many years I have at last found myself a fantastic therapist (on the NHS after a huge struggle) and am fairly confident that I'll be able to come off my pills before too long. I don't want to take them for the rest of my life and it appalls me that some in the medical profession think this is acceptable.

Do read the whole thread, because if you'd read the OPs last post you would see your comments kind of miss the point.

OP I really hope everything goes well for you today, my best wishes are with you and your family.