Imagine the scenario

[PurpleOne]

You're out on a date with someone and the drinks are flowing freely.
The person you are on the date with,seems nice enough but has divulged an awful lot of information about themselves..and it doesn't sit right.

You do know that he's a single dad of two and registered homeless which isn't the issue here, but he has mentioned that he is not in contact with any of his family at all. Then you find out that he has absolutely no friends. That he takes himself out usually and has no-one to call up. He says he's desperately lonely and you can see he is getting upset by this.

Would you see this as a red flag and run for the hills? Particularly of the fact he has no close family or friends. Could you go on another date with Billy no mates?

WWYD?

yay!!!

i guessed correctly....only cos i knew of your situation tho

how are you and the girls doing now?

thought purple had boys?

silly me, of course not, dd was burned at the dentist!

purple, I have no friends or family due to abusive husband isolating me and turning everyone against me so there can be a plausible reason. I have now ditched husband, made a few new friends and even been on a date or two.

Am now intrigued as to whether my comments still hold. Earlier I intimated you were a responsible parent and potential good 'bloke'

Do you have plans for your own place or a job/self-supporting?

Any why no friends - have you moved? been wrapped up in hb and kids?

whereabouts you living now purple?

living in a nightly let, with the dd's and the cat.
Cramped isn't the right word.

I knew that dating wasn't a good idea. Just got sick of sitting in here night after night...guess I f#cked that one right up.

I might befriend him. I wouldn't jump into a romantic relationship with him. no.

I am lost

OK Purple: Something to consider here before you start feeling that everyone hates you and you are Not Allowed to date. It's far more common for men in a mess to expect women to come to the rescue and take care of them in exchange for a bit of cock now and again. However, TBH, I don't think dating is a terribly good idea for you as there is a strong risk of you (as someone in a difficult situation) attracting a predator - a man who will immediately try to 'rescue' you but who will expect absolute submission and obedience in return.

I was JUST about to post what sgb did. It isn't me back tracking after making out you are a potential abusive twat that nobody should date, it really is the reality that men in this situation are more likely to be perpetrators and women victims.

Having been in a refuge, and then newly out of women's refuge and dating again, I would STILL say dating at such a point in your life is only useful for company and not lifelong companionship.

It's more likely you'll meet someone in the future through a network of friends and it's that network of friendships you want to build. This is easiest through work but also through evening or weekend hobbies/interests. You haven't messed up.

That's exactly what I did it for tho Hobb...the company. Someone to talk to, and he's going to run a bloody mile and not look back.

I posted in the 3rd person to get some honest replies, but all I said was the truth. I don't want any sympathy.
No mates and no family. I do all this alone, with no support.

Some days I just don't want to get out of bed as there won't be anyone to talk to.

Course I messed it all up. Even though I wasn't in the wrong, I apologised to my toxic mother, and she refused to accept it.
Everybody think I'm selfish, that's why my best friend turned her back on me.
But when you're a single mum, you gotta be selfish as the cubs come first and always.

I know what you mean! I am joining things - it's bloody hard to find anything free to join in this titchy town, but I've just managed to track a couple down this week. Plainly, I'm not expecting (or even hoping) to meet a potential Mr. at these things - I just need to get to know some people here.

I thought kids were sort of an instant social lubricant? have you not met any other mums through them or are they all too snobby?

I'm afraid I would advise against dating for the same reason as above. The world is full of decent people, but the ones looking for a relationship with someone in your vulnerable position (or mine) are going to be rescuers & abusers. It's a bummer, but there you go.

Purple, do you have to be so open though?

I kept huge chunks of my situation private when I began dating and opened up more when my life started to turn back around more with those who were serious contenders!

The first man I started seeing when I was in my first house after the refuge had to sit on boxes when I cooked him dinner because I didn't have any furniture then having left it all behind when I fled the abuse. We didn't carry on dating - my choice.

I did meet people who saw me as a victim, people that wanted that vantage point and tbh am best off without them.

Frankly, my DP now saw me as needy and now I have regained employment and strength of character we are hitting problems. His ego is now in the way. So, I can't honestly say that I feel any relationships struck up during darkest times have good potential from my pov.

You will get your life and friends back eventually but you may need to accept the type of relationships you are going to have whilst your life is not yet fully stable - they are unlikely to be sustainable, healthy ones but may well be good for avoiding the lonely times. Some may say you should avoid dates like the plague until you are sorted but I do understand that socialising with the opposite sex can be part of the leg up to normality and being part of the social community again so I don't think there is any harm in it so long as you understand how vulnerable you may be.

Purple , things sound tough for you at the moment . Id advise against giving too much away , whether thats a potential date or just people you meet .

It sounds corny , but what about evening classes at college in something you enjoy , or volunteering ?

I've been doing Learn Direct courses and doa few hrs a week volunteering.
I find it painfully hard to strike up a conversation..and feel I have absolutely nothing to talk about.

It was an accident as to why I was so open. Sometimes it feels like a volcano waiting to erupt.

Even this weekend I am kid free since Friday, yet all I have done is go to wetherspoon for a drink [alone] and go to cinema [alone]. Am still kid free tonight too, and am at my wits end with the bloody silence.

It really does my head in.

Where abouts are you Purple ? Is there any meet ups near you ?

Am in London

Not sure if any meet ups around here. I'll go and check that one out.

Dreading Christmas...

Would it be possible to look into volunteering somewhere that gives you a few more social opportunitys ? I too used to find it very difficult to strike up conversations , i think that was due to being in a crap marriage with someone who took every opportunity to put me down.

I saw a counseller about my marriage and all the issues it brought and it really helped me get some confidence back .