Imagine the scenario

[PurpleOne]

You're out on a date with someone and the drinks are flowing freely.
The person you are on the date with,seems nice enough but has divulged an awful lot of information about themselves..and it doesn't sit right.

You do know that he's a single dad of two and registered homeless which isn't the issue here, but he has mentioned that he is not in contact with any of his family at all. Then you find out that he has absolutely no friends. That he takes himself out usually and has no-one to call up. He says he's desperately lonely and you can see he is getting upset by this.

Would you see this as a red flag and run for the hills? Particularly of the fact he has no close family or friends. Could you go on another date with Billy no mates?

WWYD?

How is he supposed to get a job with no permanent address? And how is he supposed to get a home with no money?

Just random thoughts.

I just can't understand, in this day and age, that someone can be totally alone with absolutely nothing...

He might have his own problems and be a perfectly charming or shy victim of circumstance and you could have a long and happy relationship or pigs might fly out of my butt.

Sorry, call me fussy, but I don't want any relationship with a man who is a charity case, I'd want one with someone who would be my equal socially and intellectually. (By socially I don't mean about money or 'class', I couldn't care less about that).

So if the roles were reversed, a woman in question, you a man...

Would you all still feel the same way?

mybe he is lonely ,I moved recentley and am struggling to make friends here at all as my life is tied up with the dc needs ,

so to outsiders i come across as a billy no mates.And being in B&B is hard with kids and just maybe no ones said to him how your coping and you say it has opened the floodgates a bit no differnt to if a woman was in situation and another woman seemed to care and asked how they was coping

Maybe just take slow as friends because sure sound slike he needs some

So am I right in thinking that his kids live with him in this bed and breakfast? Well, if he's raising 2 kids, worrying about how to pay for the roof over their heads every day etc. then i can easily see why he doesn't have time to keep in touch with friends! Sounds like there's more to this. I think some of the comments here are quite mean to be honest, life is shit sometimes and time and again threads on here demonstrate that not everyone has a support network. If he is a nice guy and you get on, there's nothing to stop you at least being his friend. Sounds like he's down on his luck and could use some support...of course you're not obliged but there's nothing wrong with offering a friendly ear.

Purple i for one would think just that he is lonely and hell theres many of us women sp with kids that are lonely to and dont have many friends for many reasons .

I would not be to quick to judge would just take it slow and yes if on the whole i liked him would see him again but keep it seperate from my dc and my home life till i felt moe comfortable

oh and btw keeping any guy i date seperate from my dc and my kids would apply to any man nothing to do with his circumstances

Well was he a bit drunk and therefore a bit indiscreet/nervous.

Afraid I'm always wary of people who reveal too much information too soon and the no friends thing would concern me a bit.

If you fancied him/there was a spark I'd perhaps give him another chance but make it coffee in the day and see how he seems then.

Yep. If I were a man and I went on a date with a woman like you have described, I'd think 'cinderella complex'. I'm not looking to 'save' anyone, especially on a first date. If that makes me a cold shitbag, so be it.

Yes probably, but I think it is more of a warning as it is a man because of the safety aspect. Yes, women can be abusive or money grabbing or just plain nasty, but when you're a women out there dating you have to keep safety at the back of your mind because men are stronger. The fact that his family are not in touch rings alarm bells that he might be abusive or something or is he an ex addict?

It is not 'being a bitch' to say that this guy has major problems. Some of you are far too soft for your own good (sorry but you are).
Look he told you on your FIRST DATE and got upset. Can you imagine how much more of that there is to come if you stick by him?
His problems are not the responsibility of a near stranger. If you fancy helping him then do but it shouldn't be as a girlfriend, it should be as a professional.

i would say yes maybe he needs a friend rather than a g/f maybe take time to get to know him first

And how is he supposed to get a home with no money?

I think id want to know more about this , if his contract had simply come to an end , sureley he would have said that , the fact hes been evicted would ring alarm bells for me although i apreciate its not an issue for you. Sureley he was told in advance he was going to evicted ?

If he was a woman id say exactly the same thing . The people ive met , of both sexes , who end up in these positions with no freinds usually do for good reasons.

you are not a bitch

I wouldn't go out with him - who needs to start a relationship by jumping in with someone so needy - I can see why this shit is appealing to women (idiots that we can be) - all ready to take on a project

sometimes your evicted becuas elandlord wants the house back and the council will not even offer b&b till your evicted.

Maybe just be a friend if you want to and take from their just keep your home life sperate for now

How can you be even a friend with someone who is in such a mess? It'll end in tears.
Point him in the direction of a good charity with counselling services.
(And fwiw, it's not the homelessness: I have a friend who met, fell in love with and married a slightly unfortunate homeless man, and he really was just going through a hard time in life. He had friends and family, though. THat's the difference.)

But wouldnt you just go and rent another house straight away ? I dont know what its like in other areas but where i am the council run a scheme where they will help you pay for the deposit ect. And presumably if hes not working he,ll get full housing bennefit ?

Purple.......is this YOU in a reverse situation??

dignified my council have the rent deposit scheme but i did not qulaify for it sp with 4dc and one of them disabled .

Then there is finding someone who will take dp and often theres money up front to find to

Unprune

it all depnds on the other person yes i like to think I would give someone the time of the day if they need it.

Ye sif it started getting demanding or becoming problem to my homelife then yes maybe I would back of slightly but maybe im just to soft i could not walk away from someone that needed a ear becuase for the grace of god go i

Have you considered how difficult it might be for him to make friends? When I was a single mum, moved to new place and didn't have a single person to call on, no friends or family nearby. Then i started college and got DD into nursery and started having a life for me then but that took 12 months. I've not read all the posts so sorry if I'm repeatig anything that's been said.

It's not 'the time of day' though, is it?
He almost broke down on a date - I'm not doing the man down, he needs help. But that's a massive signal to either be prepared for a difficult time with him and do that if you have the mental resources - or to back off.
It's not giving him a cup of tea every now and again and listening to his woes. He's not got boundaries. Whatever it is that's making him not able to keep friends or family around (and who knows, his family might be shits) and making him not able to see that a date is not the best person to lay all this bare to - he needs help!

I'm not talking about abandoning him to the wolves or anything. Just pointing him in the right direction.
Apart from anything else - how many people are actually skilled at helping people who have nobody? No doubt there's a lot of complex stuff going on. Going at it cack-handedly and being an angel in his time of need etc - how's she to know that's what's needed?

so call me a total bitch

this man needs a friend, a listening ear, but no way would I be viewing him as any sort of romantic proposition

Nothing wrong with friendship either, that's why I'm posting about it.

So the general concensus is friends or nothing.

Do you know what , i dont think i could even be arsed to be freinds with someone who sat around bleating. Freindships should be based on fun , mutual interests ect , not one person pitying the other .

Someone earlier suggested giving him a phone with credit on and allowing him to take baths at the ops house . Absolute bollocks. The op owes him nothing , not free phones , baths , freindship , or anything else , she doesnt even know him.

Why are women encouraged to be " nice " like this ?
Op , if you want to persue it , or be freinds with him , then do , but do it because you want to and like him , not because of some absurd social conditioning that encourages women to be nice and accepting ect.