Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

OH FFS, Just found date for next week on a sex site.

80 replies

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:07

POsted about the first phone call and had slight doubts because he mentioned staying over in a hotel.

Just something hasnt sat right with me for a few days.

Googled his username from the site i met him and its come up with him being registered on 'be naughty.com' in a totally different area to what hes on the other site as.

FFS - what is it with these losers.

Goes without saying i shall now not be going on the date.

Do i send him an email and tell him? or just ignore him?

OP posts:

SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass · 23/10/2010 10:10

Erm, what exactly has he done that's so wrong? YOu haven't even met him yet so you have no right to expect him not to be keeping his options open. and looking for sex with other consenting adults doesn't make him a bad person either.

deste · 23/10/2010 10:13

Go with your instinct.

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:17

solid - i didnt say it made him a bad person.
But when hes on one site saying hes looking for a serious relationship, then on another looking for sex. its not really telling the truth is it.

And its not someone i want to waste my time with.

He should have been honest and said that was what he was looking for.

OP posts:

scaredoflove · 23/10/2010 10:18

Nothing wrong with a single man to be looking to date and/or find sex buddies. Single people don't have to sit around chaste waiting to find a partner

If you don't want to meet him, don't meet him but let him know with plenty of warning, you've give him a bit of a runaround all ready with all the silliness over answering the phone

PrettyLittleHateMachine · 23/10/2010 10:19

How do you know it's the same person?? Sounds like you're looking for reasons to not go, I agree with deste.

scaredoflove · 23/10/2010 10:20

MAybe he's looking for sex whilst he is looking for someone to have a relationship with, I know I've done similar

You met him on a dating site, he wants a date with you - and I would imagine he will also be wanting sex at some point (like in all relationships) Doesn't make him a bad person

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:26

i didnt give him the runaround. i was busy when he called.
He only called in the day time. Then the call i did finally get was gone 11 when he had said he was going to call at 8pm.

Just kind of made me suspicious that maybe he is married or something??? Same as he never logs onto the dating site in the evening, its just in the day time. But he doesnt work in the evenings.

It is the same person as its got his picture up, the same pictures that are on the dating website.

Plus on the sex site he says he wants discreet, private fun and he is registered in a totally different area to what he is on the dating site on.

AND he cant meet for a date at weekends, only in the week.

It just doesnt sit right with me at all. I think hes married. Or at least in a relationship.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/10/2010 10:31

The issue here is that you clearly found him untrustworthy in some way initially, otherwise you wouldn't have been googling his name. So on that basis you shouldn't go on the date with him, or any other dates with him.

The other site is a total red herring.

It might not even be him
He has made no commitment to you yet so is free to do whatever he likes in regards to other people
What is wrong with wanting to find someone to have sex with?

GypsyMoth · 23/10/2010 10:37

You do know that dating sites like this , be naughty, uk dating, free dating etc, all interlock together to make one big site???

Which other site did you meet him on?

scaredoflove · 23/10/2010 10:39

You have obviously had doubts about this man (or all dating) since the outset

You avoided answering his calls, then you found a problem with his date plans and now this

Just tell him you have changed your mind

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:39

But it is him.

There are the same pictures of him as on the other site.

How could it possibly not be him???

Ive also said something didnt sit right, from the phone call timings and odd things he has said that dont quite add up i think he is married, which is why i googled his username.

Of course he hasnt made any committment to me, and of course he is free to do what he wants. However, i suspect he is married and i do not want to become involved in that at all.

Plus, tbh, i dont want to date someone who has to register on a sex site to get laid. Or who even thinks thats a good thing to do. Thats just my personal opion.

Actually im quite shocked that im getting posts that are being judgemental of me,when its clear this guy is a player or worse married, which is really not something i want to get involved in.

OP posts:

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 23/10/2010 10:41

No I'm not being judgemental of you. But it is as I said, the other site is a red herring and completely irrelevant.

The issue is that you don't trust him and therefore don't want to date him, which is fine.

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 23/10/2010 10:43

It isn't clear that he is a 'player' or married.

It is clear that you do not want to date him. Your instincts are telling you that.

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:45

plentyoffish. which is not locked in with any others.

He has a profile on be naughy.com. which is for casual sex where he has stipulated he is looking for discreet fun to broaden his horisions.

I dont have doubts about dating, ive been on plenty of dates from the internet.

I avoided his calls because i was out in public at the time, or with my children and i didnt feel it appropiate to talk to him for the first time with my young preschoolers around. He wouldnt call in the evening.

I was slightly suspicious of his date plans becuase they involved coming to my house to do DIY when i have never met him. Then getting drunk. Anyone who has done internet dating knows that is totally wrong, you meet in a public place.

Then he said he was going to have to look at finding somewhere to stay. And he only lives 40 mins away.... but on the other site he says he lives somewhere totally differenet. AND when he called me he couldnt remember where i lived at all and thought it was somewhere an hour and a half away.

Basically its all odd. Huge warning signs are going off.

OP posts:

SolidButShamblingUndeadBrass · 23/10/2010 10:45

IF you don't want to date him, don't date him. But if you are advertising for 'serious relationship' and expecting commitment after one phone call, the only blokes you are going to get will be desperate 40 year old virgins with facial warts.

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 10:50

Im not expecting committment after one phone call and i dont recall where i have said that was the case.

I am however expecting someone on a dating site to be single.

I really dont think he is.

OP posts:

YunoWhatYouDidLastSummer · 23/10/2010 10:54

Don't know why OP is getting slightly harsh responses here.

OP - sounds v fishy to me. I would run a mile.

Antalya1 · 23/10/2010 11:00

I agree..go with your instincts..I know that you're not looking for a commitment after a phone call..but even though others may be OK with it, if you have major doubts from the on set..then leave him to someone else...NEXT

scaredoflove · 23/10/2010 11:04

It seems to me that you are taking things said and seeing them in a different way now you have discovered he is on another site

The phone calls - before you made it seem you were to nervous to talk to him and kept putting him off, now they are odd because of their timings

The date - before it was a case of he said he would get a hotel nearby so he could have a late night and a drink, now it is he wants to get drunk. Also, the DIY was a throw away comment where he was trying to be a bit funny and all manly - now it he wants to make it the date

You are now relaying things in a very different way

Totally your right to back off and change your mind but being on two sites - even if one is find a sex encounter one, doesn't make him a bad person

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 11:06

yeah - i think its more than fishy.

Its screaming ' im married and am after sex'

Things he says dont add up. Like he says hes got this 6 month old puppy. But then he said he was away on a course and left her with a dog sitter for two weeks.

Then he said he was away last weekend in manchester or something and left her on her own all weekend. ( with is so wrong and makes me really angry)

then he said he has housemates and had this dvd but couldnt watch it till them came home.
But the housemates didnt go up to manchester with him, but the dog was left alone for a whole weekend.

?????????????

And the fact that he doesnt seem to know what town he lives in.

and the phone calls at odd times....

and then the wanting to come to my house to meet me

and then the hotel

and now the sex site

no. no way on earth im meeting him

OP posts:

ScaryFucker · 23/10/2010 11:10

I think you should stop thinking about what he is, what his intentions are and just don't date him

he is possibly a liar, possibly a bloke keeping his options open (that is allowed)

either way, it doesn't matter because you are not interested (and nor would I be)

so just let it go

plenty more fish 'n' all that

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 11:11

i was nervous, but he wouldnt call in the evening when i was free. I would text him and say, sorry i missed you call i was out, but im free this evening, then he would call, but would at 4pm the next day.

He totally said that about the DIY, and i just brushed over it. It wasnt a throw away comment, i said i had done the diy and he said that he was sure there was something else he could help with.

The hotel, he did say that it seemed it might be a late night and he wanted to drink. and he said about brining drink with him.

Of course it changes things a little now ive found the sex site thing. makes me think it wasnt all in my head and me being paraniod and that it is very likely he is married.

I never said he was a bad person. I do think, though if he is married and is doing this, then he is an arse.

OP posts:

dignified · 23/10/2010 11:37

Little , it would put me off too finding him on Be Naughty when hes on Pof saying he wants a relationship. If hes not on in the evenings then i too would suspect hes married .

Mumi · 23/10/2010 11:42

I don't think there's anything wrong with someone keeping their options open by looking for sex and a serious relationship at the same time.

At the same time, there are plenty more fish in the sea who won't ring alarm bells for you in other ways like this one does.

Original poster

littlenervous · 23/10/2010 11:47

ok - so being honest.

Do you think im being melodramatic and should just go get drunk with him.

and ignore everything and give him the benefit of the doubt.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4