You attitude to Pornography

[BethanJKendra]

Hey guys. Just joined but have been a long time browser of the site.

I was just wondering what everyone's attitude to their OH watching porn was? My DH does and is quite open about it. He's asked me to join in but it's not really my scene. I've never really minded him doing it, though. I thought it was just something most guys did to get off, not all that different from reading a trashy romance novel or the like.

The thing is, I got a call from my friend the other day. She was distraught, in floods of tears. I go meet her and apparently she's split up with her boyfriend of four years because she found porn in his internet history.

At first I thought it must have been something sick or disgusting to prompt such a reaction from her. I asked, and she explained it was just regular, man on woman stuff (some woman on woman, of course). The reason she was so upset was because she didn't like the idea of him imagining or seeing other women naked.

Am I wrong to think she is being unreasonable? I could understand if he was actively deceiving her, but that doesn't seem to be the case, unless you count lying by omission. It makes me think that maybe I'm wrong to be so laid back about it.

What are other people's views?

There seem to be an awful lot of new names that are "variations on a theme" this week.

Have we been invaded by dickheads again?

What "theme" would that be MBS?

'Essentially porn is an experience of one person using another, no matter what level you look at the industry or the process of manufacturing, selling and using it. There's a power/disempowerment element there at each stage.

Exactly. No one has said that they want their DC to work as a porn actor. I can't see why it is OK for other people's DCs but not your own! Every human being is precious-it shouldn't be a case that some are more precious than others. Maybe some are happy and have had free choice but how do you know?

Hmm, interesting thoughts and certainly ones that lead to lively debate.

Would I like my children to be porn 'stars' (actors?!), no not particularly. On the other hand I wouldn't particularly want them to go into the army either, for different but (in my eyes) equally valid reasons.

Would I encourage them if they did (go into porn), likewise no.

On the other hand, if I believed and thought they had truly come to the decision on their own behalf should I be censorious of it (given my own approach to porn). I guess the worry is at what stage of their development do you believe your children would have the ability to make such a decision taking into account all elements and risks involved (health/reputation etc)?

You are right - it would be hypocritical to distinguish between male or female and to be perfectly honest, if approached by either of my kids with this conversation (a long way away thankfully) I would be more supportive of my son being in gay porn than my daughter, if purely for the fact as a man I can empathise more closely with him...

On the other hand, it feels somewhat seedy to be even discussing the possibility...

So... is there any way of assessing what type of porn is likely to include only fully willing and aware participants? There seem to be an inordinate amount of people for example who are happy to post themselves on the web doing things either with others or themselves - are they all by definition being coerced into it...

MrM, you should be discussing a career in porn acting with your children

It is a valid career choice in some people's eyes, yes ?

In fact, it should be pushed in school's career education curriculum

I mean, lapdancing opportunities are freely advertised in Job Centres these days...surely it is the next logical step ?

Perhaps they should have something like a fair trade label-whether they were made by freely consenting adults or poor oppressed people from Eastern Europe or the 3rd World or drug addicts or the homeless and exploited etc! While we don't know I am appalled that people can close their minds to it-in that 'it isn't my precious DC-they are trash and I can use them how I like'! Everyone is precious and deserving of respect-not those who just happen to have loving, supporting parents.

Sorry to be generic but frankly I can't be arsed to read all 82 comments on this subject.

Whether you're into porn or not, have you got nothing better to talk about then what you will or won't "permit" your pet husbands to do?

The vast majority of women do not and will never understand just how we view porn and exactly what we get from it because men are different. I have tried for ages now, but cannot get my head around why women enjoy reading celeb gossip mags. It does my head in and it is something I feel very strongly about and it annoys me when I see my very intelligent wife lowering herself to finding interest in other people's "lives". I don't threaten to kick her out over it though. She can do what the hell she likes, she's a grown woman. Provided it doesn't get in the way of our relationship then I don't feel it is my place to decide what she can or can't do.

If I pull one off over a skin vid, I couldn't give a toss who the girl is because I'm not interested in her. The only woman I'm personally interested in (and I don't specifically mean sexually) is my wife (and my mother, but I'm leaving her out of this subject for good reason). The image of a vagina is representative of sexual activity to me and gets me off. Who it belongs to is irellevant. The actress agreed to do the porn film to earn money very easily. If I get the slightest notion that the subjects are not consenting, I would be completely turned off and tempted to forward the material to the police. I completely agree that some men do like rather depraved pornography which I don't think is healthy and I recently advised a girlfriend of mine that I thought she should leave her boyfriend of not long who had a penchant for strangling her while he came. I don't see a single small element of such a fantasy that can be from healthy thoughts.
I'm not even mad for girls on girls or two people having sex. A girl with no pants on and her legs open and a smile on her face does it for me.
I guess deep down I just want to be wanted sexually. My wife has a very low sex drive simply because she says it's just not something she thinks about and while we of course enjoy making love, it isn't the focal point of our relationship and I would move heaven and earth for my wife. I accept that she doesn't have the sex drive that I do, and while she doesn't particularly agree with me watching porn and masturbating by myself, she just turns the other cheek and trusts that I'm not into anything "wrong".

I am a musician and artist and have written three books, so a previous claim that anyone who likes porn has no imagination is just spouting nonsense. I just like to look at fannys and play with my knob coz it feels nice. I'm not a fiendish lurking rapist with a trail of murdered young women behind me. Sorry ladies.

You can't give a toss about the girl says it all!! Sad for them and sad for you.

'My wife has a very low sex drive simply because she says it's just not something she thinks about and while we of course enjoy making love, it isn't the focal point of our relationship and I would move heaven and earth for my wife. I accept that she doesn't have the sex drive that I do, and while she doesn't particularly agree with me watching porn and masturbating by myself, she just turns the other cheek and trusts that I'm not into anything "wrong".'

Maybe if you didn't insult your wife's body by essentially saying sex is sex is sex, thus placing such a low value on sex within the relationship, and sex with her specific body, your wife's libido would perk up a bit. Nothing improves a woman's sexual response more than the feeling that she is desired. All of her, body and soul. Not just individual body parts. Your wife wants you to think that her body, her one individual body, above all others, is the only body that matters to you and the only one you would ever consider for your sexual pleasure.

Women are not a collection of disjointed body parts. How can you say you love your wife and in the same post say a photo of any old vagina with a smiling face attached somewhere further up 'does it' for you?

Psyclist as much as some of your descriptive terms made me wince, I have to say that much of what you say makes sense to me, and IMO echoes what many perfectly 'normal' men feel about the subject.

mathanxiety - to say that Psyclist cannot say that he loves his wife and also that a photo of womens 'parts' makes no sense to me - what is your point there? Assuming you have a partner whom you love, would it be impossible for you to also get turned on by a picture of 'any old' guy with a fantastic six pack or nice arse? Isn't it completely normal to find other people sexually attractive, even if you are (gasp!) in a relationship?

Or maybe I'm just a closet nypho!

Oops - wiped out part of a sentence there - should read 'that a photo of womens 'parts' turns him on, makes no sense to me'.....

It's normal to find others sexually attractive, of course , but as a whole person, not as a body part.
"Any old vagina will do" eh? Nice.

Thankfully some of our husbands are a little more evolved.

Your wife probably has a low sex drive because of the crap sex that is on offer with that kind of attitude.

I'm surprised his wife has any sex drive!!

please, please, please folks

this site is currently being trolled by dickwads from another site

they are picking the threads which will get the most reaction

best thing=no reaction

He didn't say turned on, he said 'does it for me', so two different things altogether, although one might lead to the other.

Deep down, my guess is that this man's wife just wants to be wanted sexually too, and feels very puzzled that he could have a sexual experience with an image of a girl he couldn't give a toss about (unfortunate choice of words though). If meaningless sex with an inanimate object means something to him (and it does or he wouldn't want it) what does sex with her mean to him? Is there anything special or unique about her that he wants or needs?

Loving your wife means loving her sexually, and for most women that means loving her sexually -- exclusively and entirely, and not as a collection of body parts that mean the same to him apparently as anyone else's body parts, including people who have been paid to expose theirs and do not give two hoots about him.

And how he thinks the smiling naked body in a photo will result in him feeling sexually wanted is beyond me. There's nothing as lonely as sex with a photograph surely? If he wants to feel wanted, and he's married, and his wife has a pulse, why not pay her some attention. 'Her' meaning her whole person, her personality, her body. Why go in the opposite direction and seek out an image of someone else's bum? Makes no sense to me.

And no, porn leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination, no matter how many books or songs or whatever you've composed. The whole point of porn is to be completely graphic.

I think you're right SF.

the other site is some sort of cycling/motoring shite

they discuss MN on there and make plans to troll

it's quite blatant

I used to watch porn with my DH, but I found myself enjoying it more than he did.
In the end I used to watch it while he was at work, masturbating at least 3 times a day.

If they are trolls from other sites then they are truly sad-they should get a life!

Well Amazon, I happen to be 'African Caribbean' rather than 'Afro Caribbean' if it's ok by you x

I'd support my DS' choice to be a porn star if he wanted to. I'd also encourage him to seek out and work with directors, producers etc who have a good reputation for treating performers well, and those who want to do stuff that's interesting/different etc. If I had a DD, which I don't, I'd be giving her the same advice.

I have nothing against that attitude SolidButShamblingetc-I object to the sheer hypocrisy of it not being suitable for your own precious DC but you couldn't care less if it is someone else's DC!