You attitude to Pornography

[BethanJKendra]

Hey guys. Just joined but have been a long time browser of the site.

I was just wondering what everyone's attitude to their OH watching porn was? My DH does and is quite open about it. He's asked me to join in but it's not really my scene. I've never really minded him doing it, though. I thought it was just something most guys did to get off, not all that different from reading a trashy romance novel or the like.

The thing is, I got a call from my friend the other day. She was distraught, in floods of tears. I go meet her and apparently she's split up with her boyfriend of four years because she found porn in his internet history.

At first I thought it must have been something sick or disgusting to prompt such a reaction from her. I asked, and she explained it was just regular, man on woman stuff (some woman on woman, of course). The reason she was so upset was because she didn't like the idea of him imagining or seeing other women naked.

Am I wrong to think she is being unreasonable? I could understand if he was actively deceiving her, but that doesn't seem to be the case, unless you count lying by omission. It makes me think that maybe I'm wrong to be so laid back about it.

What are other people's views?

Nikita I disagree that all porn is mysoginistic. And I'm sorry but I am not offended by porn depersonalising sex.

Do the people who object to visual porn (on grounds other than the reasonable anxiety about the working conditions of the performers) have a problem with written porn as well? Some of that can be, or at least seem to be, fairly misogynistic. I'm not talking classy erotica here, more the 'readers' letters' type stuff or some of the more generic novellas.

Sorry.. not taking this thread seriously at all..

Hey Guys and 'not really my scene'?

For that alone YABU...

LittleMiss... but this isn't the YABU thread is it... or am I lost?!

sorry, [hblush] it was the Hey Guys, the red mist descended....

got disorientated...

As you were...

[hgrin]

I was apprehensive at first when my DH (Is this Husband?) suggested it.

But it does get him very excited, so we both share the benefits.

Caring - yes DH is Husband (Dearest Husband, Darling Husband, etc..)

Thanks MoomooFarm.

I specify to DH that it must have a storyline, some are hilarious but I guess it's not always a good time to giggle. [hwink]

Porn is for those with a limited imagination .

It's ok for a change, not as a substitute though.

And gives the innocent ones amongst us a seed for our imagination.

If you actually believe that porn sex is good sex, I feel very sorry for you - it won't be much fun to be destined for a lifetime of crap sex.

My sex life is greatly enhanced by the complete lack of porn in our life.

I don't want your pity. And how do you know it's crap?

Just because it doesn't suit you, it may provide a change and some fun for others.

You come accross as quite patronising and......well Millie-tant.

< opens a bag of popcorn >

Ay-up AF.

Ignore me Caring - I'm just a frigid, dried up old crone. At least you didn't point out the truth that my DH is probably masturbating feverishly to "Japanese anal-sluts 2" on his i-phone as we speak. They all do you know.

Does that have a storyline?

I've always known that DH has used porn and I can't say I feel it reflects on me in any way. He has always had a higher sex drive than me so if it helps to keep him happy when I'm not in the moood/pregnant (libido tanks!)/otherwise unavailable that's fine by me. I say that with the caveats that I know he has very simple tastes and isn't into anything questionable, he doesn't spend any of our money on it and I know that he'll take me over a video any day!

Funnily enough, since having kids, he has barely touched any porn due to simply being too knackered so I'm convinced all this porn business is just about men having too much time on their hands

mal, CS has an agenda it seems

best to turn the other (ass)cheek

I would split up with DP if i found him viewing Porn but only because he knows i don't like it and chose to do it anyway so ts about that rather than the porn as such.

Plus i don't want it in my house, if my kids ever stumbled across it and it was down to dp having on the computer i would rip his bollocks off.

Oh and btw the (women and women of course) is total bullshit, not all men fantasise about 2 females getting it on.

I certainly dont think its a fundamental part of a relationship at all, luckily DP isn't really into porn.

Actually there's a pyschological paper (if I find it I will link it) that concluded that the more porn you watch the crapper your sex life is likely to be...something to do with reducing the neurotransmitters within your brain......and it's an addictive cycle......the real hardcore nasty stuff is catering to the very market that vanilla porn no longer satisfies. Of course like any addiction some people won't suffer as much as others - but tolerance probably does build up so you no longer question what is acceptable, merely accept it.

And from my POV yes - past boyfriends who used porn were crap at sex compared to those that didn't!

Hi LindenAvery i completely agree with you, you could of been writing about my H, it has caused alot of heartache over the years and is one of the reasons i am separating from him.

I think it would be interesting if everyone asked their DH/DPs the last time they looked at porn and see what the response was, I bet a lot more than we imagine.

It is available everywhere nowdays, even via a mobile phone for god sake!!

Bucket - exactly, I can't see many men not taking a sneaky look some new jiggly bits when they get the chance - and the chances are everywhere nowadays, as you say, so what's the point in getting all freaked out about it???

Re: offense over terms...

Try working in Parliament. Seriously, when I was there I swear that every other day there was a new offensive word and it gets hard keeping up and working out how to respond in a politically correct manner when responding to constituents who, quite frankly, are Daily Mail reading, 'benefit scum' hating xenophobes.

I'm not being contentious so sorry if this post causes more offense but it can be hard sometimes knowing which terms are no longer acceptable if they aren't the obviously offensive ones.

porn - wise... I wouldn't like my DP watching it for the pure reason that I don't like the idea of him getting off over other women and our sex life should be enough to satisfy him. Luckily he doesn't watch it as really isn't his scene since he passed the age of 17. We do however have this pseudo-porn dvd (recomended by relate) that we bought one day as a joke called 'the lovers guide' that has 4 real couples and is lots about feeling and mutual pleasure - it's bloody brilliant as I am visually stimulated but there's no trafficking and no sexualisation of women, more celebration of mutually satisfying sex within a loving relationship.

Sorry but 'pseudo-porn' my arse! They're bonking aren't they? Therefore it's porn, tsk tsk!

And whoever said you can only have mutually satisfying sex within a loving relationship?

What year are we living in??

I didn't say that, I said the porn (yeah full on shagging but like not nasty internet shite) was about mutual sex rather than 4 men grunting over some poor probably abused girl who is making weird squeaky/shouty noises wfor the pleasure of other men.