Space Invaders ..... You know the sort of person who crashes into a discussion like a bull elephant....

[mathanxiety]

How does it make you feel when you're having a discussion with people you have something in common with, about something you have in common, like giving birth or birth trauma or breastfeeding, or being a mother or daughter or wife or sister, perhaps even being an abused wife or daughter or sister, and someone who does not share the experience, a man with strident opinions, shall we say, and maybe a friend or two he has invited along, plonks himself down among you and pontificates and scolds, and finally the discussion ends up revolving around accusations of man-hating, with advice and commiseration being wilfully misinterpreted as expressions of misandry?

Apologies, very long sentence there. But no apology for the contents.

Sounds like an ordinary MN thread.

oh i thought this might have been offering free crisps.

erm, i would just say, "we are having a private conversation" if it is in you own home then go into another room or else wind up the converstaion and talk later but i don't think you can expect to carry on a conversation infront of 3 otehr people and expect them to not get involved. if it's private, keep it private.

Is this an oblique reference to a certain poster on here?

oh, didn't realise this was a thread about a thread.

No, I have in mind a particular pattern of interference in threads where a certain male MNer barges in and makes misogynistic statements, accuses posters of being man-haters, and turns conversations into debacles. These are threads in Relationships where people have posted real problems, and they are eventually turned into footlong donnybrooks.

It makes me swear, Math and I totally empathise with your frustration. Various discussions on here have been sidelined in recent weeks because of this.

Mind you, I get equally frustrated with people who don't read the bloody thread and barge in after the discussion has moved on a hundredfold from the original post - and counter everything that has been agreed and accepted.

WRT the particular problem you mention, I just wish posters would ignore and refuse to engage. It's the only way to induce boredom and frustration in the person who wants to disrupt the conversation and peddle their own agenda. It should become a "rule" much the same as doling out "huns" and "lols" amidst a load of text-speak .

Who is it?

And no, it's not a private conversation, it's here on MN where of course anyone can join in and you get a variety of opinions, but the poster I have in mind (yes there is one in particular RitaLynn) has an agenda and causes mayhem, deliberately.

i get that now math, i originally thought this was in your own home, like your DH or one of his friends.

Come on then, spill the beans.

Thought so! Isn't one of the problems with public threads on the internet that you can't stop someone posting, just because they disagree with the majority on a thread.

If you think this one person is deliberately causing mayhem then report them.

This is a thread about many threads, sadly. If it was just one thread I think I could shrug and get over myself. But the person appears to have decided to make Relationships his stomping ground, treating women with real problems who post about real events, real trauma, in their real lives, as grist to his misogynistic mill.

The particular poster I have in mind has a moniker that refers to the dimensions of a certain part of his anatomy.

In his dreams.
He's a hugely unpleasant individual, the only big thing about him is the chip on his shoulder.

Do you ever report him and if so what has been the response?

Take it up with MNHQ who may agree that it's trolling - posting for the purpose of winding people up rather than joining in the discussion.

ON the other hand, they may not. There are, after all, various posters on here who could be said to have some sort of 'agenda' or at least a viewpoint which is not shared with everyone else, which they like to air whenever possible, and it would be a shame to start insisting on a set of views that must be adhered to before you can post on MN, whether that's Breast Is Best, vegans are farty attention seekers, we all hate the tories, or no posters with a family income of less than 44K allowed.

He got bored in the feminism section (probably because we weren't vulnerable enough for him) and strode right on over to Relationships to harangue women whose husbands are having emotional affairs, and those who have been through birth trauma.

Actually reporting is a good idea. But can one report a poster rather than just a post?

mathanxiety - I nearly set up a thread like this last night during the birth trauma debacle. All a bit close to home for me (very similar birth story except my DH was a star) so could empathise with a lot of it. Had to hide the thread.
I did think about just going on and posting "twunt" after all of his comments but tbh I think WWIFN has the right idea.

I agree Solid, I don't know what MNHQ's attitude to someone who is posting very upsetting things to vulnerable people would be. "just a matter of opinion" or "hostile and unnecessary and should be binned".

Best to report behaviour on individual threads I suppose.

I doubt the OPs in question have the strength to report it themselves :(

I think if people constantly report the same poster for disruption or trolling then eventually MN may take action....difficult though to decide what is trolling and what is just an objectionable view.

It's not a question of just disagreeing, though. The pattern this person employs is a first post that harshly criticises the OP, in each case I have noticed, a woman.

Usually when a woman posts in a DV situation she asks questions along the lines of 'Is it me or is it him?' and this particular MNer always bluntly insists it's her, then personally attacks others who have given their opinions, accusing them of hating men and advocating divorce in all circumstances. Then he brings up references to other threads the other posters have contributed to as proof of the misandry.

The thread degenerates, the original problem becomes 'What to do with this footlong nuisance who is causing such offence and essentially distracting attention away from the OP and towards himself.' Threads about serious topics are derailed again and again.

Reporting has so far done no good, and that is a huge pity, imho.

I always used to wonder why so many feminist and DV recovery groups were women-only. It's people like him that made me understand why, can just imagine this kind of behaviour in a RL context - even worse.

The emotional affair one was awful. He accused the OP (very upset after discovering husband having online sex with OW) of threatening to use the DC against her husband, because of some chance remark about her finding another relationship in the future.

Such an arse.

MA: I do know what you mean which is why I said take it up with MNHQ. I know posters have been banned for being repeatedly ojbectiontionable for the sake of it.

SGB -- yes, I agree up to a point, and therein lies the rub for MNHQ I think. But this mischief maker has chosen Relationships as the venue here he will pitch his tent, and that indicates to me that his intention is to hurt rather than offer any reasonable pov.

He has encountered much criticism from many posters really every thread he joins turns into a freeforall and has been told to fuck off basically every time, but continues on his mission, so it is becoming apparent that he has a bee in his bonnet. As has been mentioned, he thought he could bring his agenda to Feminism, but was intimidated off the topic, because frankly he doesn't have the intellectual cojones to do anything more than make a fool of himself there, but Relationships is a different matter -- there are many more new posters, many who join a thread who don't see a misogynist agenda because they're not expecting it on MN and get drawn in, and many people who have offered their own personal stories, as women do in conversation, who have been accused of hatred of men as a result. And of course there are the OPs who have taken a deep breath and typed something that is really troubling them, maybe something they haven't dared tell anyone in RL about, and in he crashes, telling them their perceptions are skewed, the problem lies with them, they are wrong and he is right.

He is a hostile presence who apparently loves to be hated and has no time for the opinions or experiences of women, yet hangs out in Relationships -- why?

Yes, I really do hope that MNHQ will take notice and do something very effective about this. I have personally reported every post that I have found objectionable and every personal attack against me and against his other targets (he has some sort of hate list and makes the same accusations against the same posters on thread after thread).