Ideal Partner Wish-List. Care to join me?

[ItsGhoulAgain]

OK, I'm biting the bullet. Inspired by the "lovely little things" thread, I'm starting on my List. Contributions & comments welcome!

Ooh I did this when I was on the hunt for (a)DH! I kept it in my 'lurve corner' (mixing a bit of fengs shui in for good luck!) and used to tick off anyone I met - it definitely kept me focused and definitely worked!

It's painfully clear my previous Lists were too short, going by the results :( I'm committed to spinsterhood for now, but it can't do any harm to make the List anyway, huh?

1. As intelligent as me, though not necessarily in the same ways.
2. Interested in the same things as me, and also in some other things I might find interesting (X#1 was an arse, but I'm grateful to him for architecture).
3. Not more than an inch shorter than me (is that shallow?)
4. I must find him at least averagely attractive.
5. Educated.
6. We must share a sense of humour.
7. He must like sleeping! No, scrub that - he must respect my need for lots of sleep.
8. Sexually compatible, obv.
9. Helpful when I'm poorly and/or depressed. Mustn't go overboard on the complaints when he's unwell, either (I don't).

10. Is capable of housekeeping - and does it - but not a neat freak; I'm messy.

... more later. Lots more!

Ooh, MMF, I'm impressed! Would it be too embarrassing to post yours?

I've been trying to remember mine - I know there were 10.... here goes:

1. Must be a good father figure and positive role model for my DC.
2. Must be hardworking and have similar aspirations to mine, financially and personally.
3. Must be over 6ft, pref at least 6ft2 and big build (think rugby player without the dodgy ears and broken nose).
4. Must have minimum emotional baggage (ie no scarey exes - I had enough of those for both of us ha ha!)
5. I must fancy him rotten and he must be good in the sack.
6. Must have a sexy voice and accent, def not a local one (since the local accent here is hideous).
7. Must have a good network of friends and family, who will welcome us (me & DC) into their lives.
8. Must fully support and encourage my dreams and goals.
9. Must be 100% dedicated to me & DC.

10. Can't remember no. 10!!! Think it was probably something to do with willies

Anybody who knows me in RL will know who I am from this now, because I used to go on about how spookily it worked out for me, but so what.......

BTW the height thing may have sounded shallow but I'm very tall and I had always wanted somebody who would still be taller than me in high heels (me not him, that is...).

And yes without wanting to sound sick-making, DH did tick every box. And he's 6ft3 and has a southern accent (everyone else around here sounds like farmer barleymo!)

Me again, sorry, my friend here at work has just said she thought one of mine was that 'he must be kind' - I think she's right. Suppose I covered willies in the good in the sack bit...

Thanks, MMF - yours is much better!
Having a re-think while I'm out at the shops

Aw, i am looking at all the check lists here and agreeing with all of them.

Although i would put "good looking" as a lot higher up the list!! Shallow as i am!!
Without sounding very smug, my new man pretty much ticks all of these boxes (very intelligent, good looking, things in common to talk about, 6'4, very willing to put himself out for me and dc, etc etc)

I have had a shitty 4 or 5 years though so feel i am long due a change!

oh god, i forgot SENSE OF HUMOUR and the ability to crack me up!! Thats number 1 or 2 on list!!!

And high sex drive. This is a must.

ItsGoulAgain - having the same interests wouldn't have been on my list, because I don't think it really matters (tho that's just MO, obviously). I think agreeing on the biggies such as long term goals, finances, etc is really important, but having different personalities and interests can actually be a good thing.

allgone I wasn't thinking of the order I put them in - I might switch them around now (since I'm sitting at work with bugger all better to do!)

I'm being tongue in cheek here, but you might want to add

10. Not put off by women with superficial check points.

I'm sorry for that, because I think there are definitely things that make a partner ideal, but things like accent, etc, I think are pretty unfair.

I'd go

1. Spark,
2. Kind and caring
3. Funny
4. I love them and they love me.

Rita I know it's superficial, but the point is I only did the list as a bit of a 'superficial' laugh in the first place. But when my Mr Perfect turned up, he did have the 'right' accent (which I found rather spooky at the time). I don't think I would have written him off if he'd not ticked that box, tho.

I'm sorry too if I sound like a superficial woman; I'm really not - can we still be friends?

MooMooFarm, of course we can.

I wasn't taking the list too seriously, and I wasn't looking for a fight.

ghoul! you started a list!

I did say on the other thread that shallowness is ok. It's like a shopping list. Aim high, and think of what you really want. FOR EXAMPLE I really don't find brown eyes attractive, my whole family has brown hair and eyes and so I think they just remind me of my mum/dad/brother/gran - so, y'know, not exactly sexy :o

So I put "must have blue/green/grey eyes" (not one of each...) on my unwritten list. If I'd met a really gorgeous, lovely man with brown eyes of course I wouldn't have turned him down because of that (although would still find him three times hotter with green eyes), but as it happens DP has blue eyes and it makes me lustful happy every time I look at him.

Set your sights high, and of course you will be flexible on some things (the shallow ones).

A nice long detailed list is what you want :)

When I did this with my friend we started the list with the physical things (e.g. tall) then moved onto "opposite of bad points about XP(s) (e.g. in her case "generous/not a miser" went on the list), then extra stuff that you really want.

So if DP didn't exist, I would probably put:

Medium or slim build
Blue or green or grey eyes
Interesting nice-looking face that makes me want to look at it for hours

Likes to stay up late talking (DP nods off at 11 :()

Initiates and participates properly in conversation (XP had a terrible "that's nice" habit)

Plenty of energy

Self-sufficient

A genuine adult, who I would trust with any task (i.e. a partner who can do things just as competently as you can)

Relaxed about previous relationships I have had

Willing and able to chat to and spend time with my friends and family

Employed, or likely to be employed at some point soon

Then the rest:

• competent and willing cook
• likes at least one of films/books/theatre
• not a porn user, at least not to my knowledge
• shares some key beliefs e.g. non-racist, non-sexist, not homophobic, generally not a bigot please
• kind to children and dogs
• doesn't take me too seriously (I am well scary)
• makes me laugh

RitaLynn

EvilAnts - I agree about aiming high - why not? Then being flexible with the shallow ones - but not at all flexible with the biggies of course.

Well, thank you, Elephants! And for making me laff with your three-eyed hero.

11. Must have a good HEALTHY network of friends and family, who will welcome me into their lives. Given my own history, I'd better add: OR has done extensive therapy to fix old issues.
12. Has had at least one LTR (at my age, there's no good excuse for not having).
13. If he has kids, has a happy, loving & supportive relationship with them.
14. Has ideas & ambitions.
15. Tolerates pets.
16. Must be an 'instinctive feminist' and not any kind of a bigot.
17. Verbally & physically affectionate in general, as well as with me.
18. Good at sharing.
19. Well-off would be good
20. Has travelled and wants to do more.

... this is cheering me up! What else have you / would you put on your List?

With my friend we wrote this all out over giant picture of sexy topless man (perfume ad or similar) and she pinned it up on her mirror to see when she was getting ready to go out :)

Good additions to your list, like "instinctive feminist" - again, there's no excuse for not being one.

How about:

• washes regularly and smells nice
• good at cheering/soothing upset people
• generally positive attitude to life
• does not read or believe the DM

:o

My friend would say "has a seven-inch tongue and can breathe through his ears".

Er, I guess that counts as shallow, right?

My list:
Good with my children (and their own if they have them)
Easy to talk to
Nice smile
Someone I am physically attracted to
Generally positive outlook
Not lazy
Share key values
Be able to laugh at themselves/life
Give lots of affection and cuddles

(most of these are the oposite of exh)

Not jealous
Reasonable spending habits
Wants kids & wants to spend good quality time with them
Attractive to me
Attracted to me!
Kind
Not obsessed with status
Enjoys travel
Almost as clever as me
Tolerant!
Compatible humour
Compatible sexually

Ooh, yes - talking! OK, then, this is the Not Like Exes part.

21. Enjoys talking about all sorts of things, knows how to listen and how to argue (a very rare quality ime).
22. Considerate.
23. Secure - doesn't need fixing; doesn't need to fix other people.
24. Healthy! (Just remembered the lovely guy who told me on our first date that he had MS :( )
25. Even tempered; able to handle his own grumpy patches and mine.
26. Has NO obsessions.
27. Loves everything about me
28. Knows who I am! And knows himself well.
29. Not unduly lazy; gets off butt and does things cheerfully.
30. Happy with himself, but not vain.

Blimey, does this bloke actually exist??? Now I've started thinking about apparently small things that I'd have trouble with - like being a poor driver, keen on fast-food burgers and having dirty fingernails. At this rate, I'm going to end up specifying his middle name & home address

Everything that itsghoulagain said

and someone who doesnt mind that i have four small kids!

Well that's the point of the list! Put it on, but be flexible about the smaller things, and only you know which they are really. It might be that dirty fingernails make you chuck up, in which case - non negotiable If they're just a bit ick, then you'll compromise if he's nice, argumentative, aforementioned long tongue etc :o

Another one:

• interested in something other than drinking