Ideal Partner Wish-List. Care to join me?

[ItsGhoulAgain]

OK, I'm biting the bullet. Inspired by the "lovely little things" thread, I'm starting on my List. Contributions & comments welcome!

She sounds lovely, Mimblesson, and I'm sure you are too. :)

Great list Bibi - no list too long! My friend who I mentioned upthread had at least 40 things on hers. Love MUST WORSHIP CATS - you can have DP when I've finished with him, as he adores cats and I just think they're alright.

You missed off a few things, I think

• doesn't whine like a little boy to get his own way

• is good at sex

• has a good relationship with his family (assuming family are nice)

• does not expect financial bailouts from one Ms B Blocksberg

"you can have DP when I've finished with him"

Oh, you slay me sometimes :)

Accept the 4 points you've added for me as well.

I will have fun expanding on the list as points occur to me.

As I said on my other thread, thinking about what I want in a partner is a totally new concept.

Seems to be for a scary number of women, Bibi.

Doesn't lie on his profile and make you pay for a babysitter then turn up 2 inches shorter I have nothing against shorter men but its the dishonesty that gets me.....

Oh and remembering the fake name you give me without accidentally letting slip your real name half way through the date

Just as well there's MN then otherwise some of the scary number (like moi) would never have the chance to become enlightened.

Honestly, thinking back, before I found this forum/site I literally felt like a Victoria Housewife.

Duty bound to look after the 'menz' as that's what was trained into me from a young age but feeling resentful about it.

I was actually googling whether I 'had' to prepare dinner, wash, iron, pay bills, blah blah blah in a partnership in this day and age.

Didnt' come up with much for ages until one day BINGO.

And the rest as they say is will become history

beingsetup - just saw your post there.

I know what you mean about lying but am also laughing about the fake name :)

What a weirdo - his loss!!

"Victoria Housewife"

grrrrrrrr...........Victorian Housewife. All stiff laced high collared and beating carpets with a wooden implement all day

"I was actually googling whether I 'had' to prepare dinner, wash, iron, pay bills, blah blah blah in a partnership in this day and age."

There are still men around who expect you to do all THAT? Good grief.

Not really a list as such, never thought about a potential partner in those terms, but I have a question.

My new DP, of six months, is so very different to my almost exh in every way, maybe that's why I'm so attracted to him. He is lots of things already mentioned as necessary requisites in a partner; kind, caring, thoughtful, moderately attractive, in good shape, taller than me (not hard I'm 5'2"), blue/green eyes, giving in bed, adores his family, has good friends who have welcomed me, no bonkers ex wife, loves dogs, non-smoker, no tattoos or piercings, funny, tactile and affectionate.

Sounds great, is great, I am loved and love him. The question is that the major sticking point, and you may find this shallow, is that he is not at all well off. He cannot give me the lifestyle I have had for the last 25 years. That is presuming he is forever, a keeper, if he still wants me further down the line etc.

My Dc know this and have problems with it. They are well educated, at uni, but attended private schools for 10 years, and have developed certain expectations. They have always been told and understand that they are very priviledged. I didn't have such an upbringing and am more in touch with reality.
I have explained to them that my relationship is very different now to that with their father, that what I get from new DP is worth so much more than money.

So if you have listed money or related terms in your lists, would you see my situation as a problem and a partner such as mine as a no hoper?

"There are still men around who expect you to do all THAT? Good grief"

Well mine didn't expect it openly I mean had you asked him he would have proclaimed horror at the very idea that we didn't do equal amounts.

It's just that by refusing to be pro-active (he didn't do anything he didn't want to do according to him it left it all to me by default.

Sorry all, didn't mean to drag this thread to my story as well

Gosh, Party. If your children are old enough to be at uni, then maybe remind them that soon they will be the ones in a position to keep their mum in comfort. TBH they won't be at home for long (I imagine) so the "expectations" they have will soon become irrelevant. And at 18+ I would say it is their responsibility to work for luxuries, not yours to provide luxuries for them.

Also, it's about what YOU want. Not your kids. So if "well-off" isn't a pre-requisite for you - and it probably isn't given that you are with this man now - then don't let them sway you just because they want extra holidays/treats/beer money. Good message for them really, that money isn't everything. They/you must have known when your previous relationship ended that things would change. And presumably they can still tap their dad for cash?

What Elephants said partytime - with knobs on!!!

Genuine lol at potential cash cow :)

To clarify, any partner I have would in no circumstances be expected to fund my DC's lifestyle, their Dad is more than capable of doing that.

But they argue that as I have been very lucky all my married life in terms of holidays, weekends away, eating out, gifts, clothing, cars, etc. and that new DP will not be able to offer these things. They have even said they think I will get bored with him as I won't be entertained enough (their words not mine)

Believe me I have told them how even though I had a good life with their father in material terms, our relationship was so lacking in other areas. They witnessed how badly I was treated by him. They know I want something different next time around.

So getting back to my question, asked as previous posters listed money, or other phrases relating to wealth, as necessary in a

new partner. Would the lack of funds really be a deal breaker for them? It hasn't been for me.

If it's so damn important to you why the hell don't you get your own well paid job? Geez, I cannot believe there are actually people out there who think like this

Sorry but what makes you think I do not work.

I was asking the question not because money is important to me but because my new relationship is proving it isn't.

I am surprised so many posters mentioned it.

partytime - I thought it was, for me. My first partner worked in a supermarket and had zero ambition. I've snooped on his Facebook and discovered he's still working there, haha. My Dad's disabled so he's on benefits; I'm recovering from serious illness so I've been on benefits. I thought that what I really, really wanted was financial security.

So I meet this lovely chap, and he's on £xk a year, to which I think "Whoopee!" Lovely chap, great relationship, good future together. Or so I thought.

I go away to university (as a mature student) and fall in love with the guy next door who has serious health problems and no regular income. Will we ever be rich? ... Who gives a damn? I've never been this happy.

So I did think that money was really important to me, and it turns out that I'm ready to follow my heart instead of a checklist. And that the cliches are true, and sharing a meal of beans on toast with someone you love is far better than sitting in a restaurant with someone you're moderately fond of.

My god, is there any way of deleting messages? That last post of mine was positively saccharine. I do apologise.

Incidentally, my Ideal Partner Wishlist involved a punk-rock, south-Asian woman, and that has still not happened. Boo. :(