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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Will this make me feel any better?

77 replies

littlecritter · 07/10/2010 09:19

I'm about to explode. Going to dump all xp's belongings at his work in about 2 hours.

Kicked him out 3 months ago after discovery of ow at work who is also a family friend. Long story, dcs on both sides. X has been living in hotels and sleeping on the sofa since then. We talked about trying to work things out but he refuses to tell me the truth about the affair so it's a no go. I've bent over backwards to try and keep things fair and amicable. I want to move on. He says he can't find a flat. He hasn't even told his parents.

After another night on the sofa I've told him to get out today and I want no more contact. In the last couple of days I have found evidence that the affair did not end when he said it did. Today, I've found a 2nd phone in his suitcase. It is a Nokia 1650 which I believe is a cheap payg phone as opposed to being an old work one which is what he'll say if I confront him. I don't want to confront him. I just want him out, no contact at all.

Sooo... I'm going to load the rest of his belongings into my car including cricket bag and golf clubs and dump then in the reception of his workplace (a HUGE worldwide UK confectionary company). OW is a receptionist so it will be very uncomfortable for her too. Nobody at his work knows about their affair. Yet. He is terrified that it will become common knowledge.

Good idea?

OP posts:
Original poster
littlecritter · 07/10/2010 11:45

Pip, I'm smiling with relief. I've had a shit time in recent years - both parents died suddenly; ds seriously assaulted and has to give evidence in crown court next year; brother diagnosed as a chronic alcoholic. Plus all the usual stuff that you get with just being alive. Then I discovered the affair. It was the final straw. I need to restore my sanity.

OP posts:
madonnawhore · 07/10/2010 11:50

Phew, glad you've dropped the idea of turning up at his work. You would have looked like a proper mentalist and once the red mist had cleared, you would have looked back at that and cringed with embarrassment.

I think the storage idea is a much better one. Taking control like this in a practical way will make you feel better, getting public revenge won't.

JiggeryPopery · 07/10/2010 12:09

MrsRB - littlecritter should be (and is) thinking of her children first, but the ow's children are still children and none of this is their fault. I would consider the knock on effect of my actions (and there would be actions, trust me) wrt the children.

Anyway littlecritter, I'm glad you've reconsidered. Remember revenge is a dish best served cold. Wink

And clearly you've had some sad times but I think you know you're better off without the cocklodger. Onwards and upwards.

Antidote · 07/10/2010 12:18

Glad to help Smile.

Can you tell I've had the evil eye on my dear BIL's shite artistic / DJ equipment for the last few months as it festers in my spare room?

Lucky for him I am now officially too pregnant fat and lazy to get it into the car.

Original poster
littlecritter · 07/10/2010 12:18

Jiggery, I feel most for the children. XP and I have ds age 9. My other two are adult children from my first marriage. Today was the first time ds heard us argue - I screamed when he grabbed me. We have gone out of our way to be civilised and friendly for him.

OW has an adopted dd age 5. She has physical and behavourial problems due to birth mum being addicted to drugs. There are also allegations of recent sexual abuse.

I have stipulated that ds is to have no contact with ow or her H at all and xp has agreed to that.

Neither of them deserve to be parents. I feel heartbroken for both children.

OP posts:
JiggeryPopery · 07/10/2010 12:27

That's very sad, littlecritter. That poor little girl.

i didn't mean to imply that you would do anything to upset teh children, it's just that in the heat of the moment it's hard to see the further implications of your actions - we've all been there

Of course if you took your GHDs to his bollocks that would have no ill effects on anyone's children, so you could do that with a clear conscience.

And then bill him for new GHDs. The flat bollocked twat.

Original poster
littlecritter · 07/10/2010 12:34

Well, I'm lying on my bed having had a nice hot shower and smiling at your posts. I don't think I've got time to do much before school pick-up time now. Frankly, I don't think I can be arsed now. You've all saved the day, my sanity and my dignity. Thank you.

Still got a car load of crap though.

OP posts:
purplepeony · 07/10/2010 12:35

Are you married or living together?
Do you have a joint mortgage?

Haven't read all the posts but if the house you share if half his or you share finances then you can't just turf him out.

Original poster
littlecritter · 07/10/2010 16:41

Ok, please don't shout at me. There's a happy ending Grin. I went to his work and I was perfectly composed. I told him to find storage, take the stuff to his parents or take it off me there and then. He opted for the parents. So we got in my car and I drove the back way to his parents, stopped at a VERY remote spot, kicked him out of the car, dumped his stuff (full car load including golf clubs and cricket gear) and drove off. If you knew all the shit he's put me through you would understand that I was so justified in doing this.

I let him stew for a while and drove back to find him sitting on his wordly possessions with his head in hands in the middle of nowhere. I then told him I was tempted to take a photograph before getting it all back in the car and dropping him at the train station.

He has promised to have his stuff out of my car by tonight. He's booked into a hotel. He's taken his name off the joint account and transferred £750 over to me. Oh and he's said sorry, told me he still loves me and that he never chose this Confused - messing with my head again. I told him to never darken my doorstep again and what a crap partner/person/father he is. Karma.

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 07/10/2010 16:54

Grin. I do wish I had your courage.
I get the "never chose this" on a weekly basis too. Funny, if the cheating scumbags didn't choose it then who did? Paul McKenna? Jesus? Carol Thatcher?

Anyway, hope you have a good evening. I'm sure we're not allowed to say this anymore but I think you deserve a large drink.

HappyWoman · 07/10/2010 17:05

wow - that is good
so who did chose this for him
oh let me guess - you?????

Take care now and look after yourself.

fizzledrizzle · 07/10/2010 17:14

Superb!

IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 07/10/2010 17:32

Well done LC.

Am hoping that you will lead the dancing tomorrow.

DJHappy (ish)

ItsGraceAgain · 07/10/2010 17:37

Respect! I have to say I loved your dumping in reception idea (since you don't need his money) - and am not at all sure I would have driven back to collect him!
What a lovely, good-humoured woman you are :)
You unquestionably deserve better than him.

soverign21 · 07/10/2010 17:47

Bravo LC :0

I actually lol when i read what you did and i certainly wouldnt have gone back for him

And your X saying he didn't chose this is probably half correct, at the very least he means it's not quite what he expected it to be, the dream never really matches the reality does it

Again Well Done :) and i hope you sleep wonderfully tonight

Flighttattendant · 07/10/2010 18:17

What you achieved in terms of his giving you what you wanted is great, and telling him what you think.

I don't think the trick you played on him was very mature, and wouldn't have done something like that myself. But I can understand what drove you to.

Good luck sorting out your new life.

romneymarsh · 07/10/2010 19:04

Well done LC, think you did really well. Now you need to get back to that strong lady who gave me so much good advice.

purplepeony · 07/10/2010 19:54

so presumably the home you shared is not his as well?

It beats me how a woman can actually force a mn out of her car, and his stuff as well. Is he a 7st weakling?
I actually begin to doubt if you are real. or just wanting attention.

Sorry to disagree with the lastest posts but you come over as deranged and a drama queen.

Hassled · 07/10/2010 19:54

What a star - well done :o

Original poster
littlecritter · 07/10/2010 20:45

Purple: No drama at all. No audience. I just stopped the car, got out and opened the boot. He followed me by which time most of his stuff was scattered on a remote layby. I then got in the car and drove off. He couldn't leave his stuff unattended. If you knew the half of what he has done to me then you would say he deserved it. He has tortured me mentally and fleeced me out of £ks.

I am definitely real. Sometimes I wish I wasn't. I promise you I am not a drama queen but I am slightly deranged following 2 years of mental torture by xp.

I lost my temper. I didn't plan it. It was a bit immature maybe but I'll tell you what: I now feel a whole lot better Grin.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/10/2010 20:46

LC...you do not have to justify yourself

shoshe · 07/10/2010 21:03

DSIL took my brother, when she caught him cheating, into the New Forest to talk.

And left him there.

Respect to her.

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/10/2010 21:10

LC you go girl !PMSL at ur top plan dignified but powerful enough to let him know who he is dealing with ,i have to work at my dignity and serenity too that is why i started doin tai chi .I married a low life slithery fuck wit and sometimes one struggles to keep ones composure ,glad you are free now ,it hurts like fuck but the future is sweeter now for u .You reap what you sow in this life, mine still blames me ROFL .....its called denial .

Patienceobtainsallthings · 07/10/2010 21:12

Ps i dont think ur a drama queen ,more a leading lady !!!!

pinksmarties · 07/10/2010 21:35

Bloody Brilliant LC. Came on to this thread and saw it was you. So glad you were talked out of your dumping in the reception plan. Thank God for that. You wouldn't have done it anyway though, you're much too smart. Yes a leading lady, well done. I hope you can go to bed tonight proud of a good job well done Smile x