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Original poster

Would you date a man who is seperated?

21 replies

poshsinglemum · 30/09/2010 18:48

There are quite a few man who claim that they are seperated. What does that mean exactly and should I go for it or steer clear?

OP posts:
Original poster
poshsinglemum · 30/09/2010 18:48

men on match I mean.

OP posts:
jeminthecellar · 30/09/2010 18:49

Me and my H are seperated. He lives in a different house and we no longer have any relationship apart from parenting. There is no way we will get back together.

I guess it depends on the back story..if he has moved out as a 'trial' seperation etc etc.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 30/09/2010 18:49

On match no.

In RL yes, my DH was separated when we met.

ZZZenAgain · 30/09/2010 18:50

I really don't know. If he were divorced it wouldn't be a problem for me but seperated is a bit unclear IMO

ChasingSquirrels · 30/09/2010 18:52

I am separated from my ex.
We aren't divorced because neither of us have done anything about it, but he moved out about 2.5 years ago now.
It couldn't be more over.
There would be nothing to "steer clear" of (well, except that he has a new partner and they are about to move in together).

HecateQueenOfWitches · 30/09/2010 18:54

No.

I don't trust 'seperated'.

'Seperated' may mean 'relationship over, getting divorce', but on dating sites I bet my last rolo it means 'married man shagging about' or at the very least 'probably going to get back with my wife after I've shagged about a bit'

onlyjoking9329 · 30/09/2010 18:59

I agree with Hecate, you can't be sure he won't go back to his ex, unless they have been apart for a long time.

colditz · 30/09/2010 19:04

Would and do, but check the situation out first - is he separated as in sleeping on a mate's sofa, or separated as in has his own flat and fortnightly child access arrangments?

My DP is separated, but I have met his wife - there's no love lost there.

TotalChaos · 30/09/2010 19:06

depends on the situation. as separated could be anything from lying twat to completely seprate lives/houses/finances, divorce papers in and will go through in the next month.a good test I think is whether the man is happy for you to talk to the separated partner!

msboogie · 30/09/2010 19:06

Depends on the back story and if I was sure they definitely were properly well separated and over, over over.

LadyLapsang · 30/09/2010 19:09

Yes, if properly seperated, made arrangements for care of children, has somewhere permanent to live, not wanting to keep new woman in a shadowing existence.

LittleMumSmall · 30/09/2010 19:21

I did - but he went back to his wife eventually. When we met he had been separated for some six months, had removed his wedding ring, moved into a flat on his own and saw his two young children once a week. All the talk in the early days was of when (not if) he was going to divorce his wife and marry me. We moved in together. I met his entire family, but not the wife and kids as we were waiting for the right time....and it never bloody came. Two wasted years of lies and tears before he finally took his sorry arse back home.

Be careful - it may seem watertight but you never know.

emmyloulou · 30/09/2010 19:21

Yes, I was seperated when I met my dh on MATCH.

My ex was a tosser, still is wherever he is, seperate house, seperate finances, divorce going through whilst I was on match but I was ready to move on.

purplepeony · 30/09/2010 20:25

I wouldn't go just by what their profile says- you need to meet in person and see what's what.
I know a man who uses that term on a dating site and he is not, in the accepted sense of the word. His wife lives elsewhere for various reaons, some of the time,but I doubt if she would think they were separated!

On the otehr hadn I had a friend who was separated as she would not agree to a divorce and made her H wait 5 years- and they had a legal separation with him paying money etc to her but living in another home all the time.

NomDePlume · 30/09/2010 20:29

Dunno about dating sites but yes, DH was seperated when I met him (separated 18mo before we met with no chance whatsoever of reconcilliation). 10years later, looking like a happy ending.

bwhiskey · 01/10/2010 12:22

i dont think you can make any blanket judgement, meaning one rule for all.

some men who are seperated still love their wives and want to try to make it work. other men have no intent on getting back, and dont love them anymore and are ready to move on but are doing it slowly, sometimes because of the children.

also, divorce courts are SLOW in england and so just cos he's only 'seperated' dont mean he hasnt slept in a seperate room or even lives in another property, or has done for ages.

what its down to is the feeling you get from him. does he text her still? does he talk about her alot, does he 'drop out' alot on you? if its over between couples, you will know from him that he's over it and wants to move on. if it isnt over, then cut your losses and move on, with dignity.

Squitten · 01/10/2010 12:30

I think I could date a guy who was seperated but I would be cuatious taking it any further than that. I would want to know the full story of the break-up, situation regarding ex-wife, kids & property and make sure that a divorce was actually happening before I even thought about living together, etc.

MadAboutQuavers · 01/10/2010 13:15

Beware of men on Match, full stop

If someone's going to lie about their relationship status in RL, it doesn't matter what the lie is. I've dated men who told me they were single, when actually I found out they were living with someone else

Earlybird · 01/10/2010 13:22

Beware, beware, beware.

I did it - he had moved out, had a place to live etc - and his ex had the audacity to state 'adultery' as the reason for divorce, and named me in the papers!

Remotew · 01/10/2010 13:29

Technically, if someone is not divorced then sleeping with someone else is adultery. Not fair to name someone if separated for a while though.

I would get to know more before embarking on a relationship with anyone whether from match or in RL. i.e seeing where they live and with whom etc.

nocake · 01/10/2010 13:49

That's nasty, earlybird. My ex did pretty much the same but her leech solicitor had the sense to not name my new partner.

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