Yay! Very excited!

[allgonebellyup]

Just received a massive bunch of red roses, sent to my work in front of the entire staff!

Have been seeing new blokey only since Saturday, he has visited me most nights since then, but we have yet to make it physcial (his decison to not rush it, not mine!)

Exciting stuff! (but im sure i will mess it up, as usual- hence my username!)

Isn't this Relationships? Not Chat

And yes,sorry OP, if you are upset at the turn your thread has taken,but that is far from unusual.

I am not jealous or twisted.
I would not dream of directing such unpleasant personal insults at other posters and think it is mean spirited to do so.

I,like Annie and others,made it quite clear that my posts were not in any way intended to spoil the OP's excitement or enjoyment,or to suggest that she was in any way being short sighted in expressing her feelings.

It's great to see positive,happy news on here.

But this is also a place where many post - and many more lurk to seek advice and support for more difficult issues.

In my case,only beginning to realise through the advice and support and shared experiences of others,that there was more to what I was experiencing than I had realised.

Of course no one has or is suggesting that romantic gestures mean abuse is likely.

And of course there are many lovely men who offer romance,gifts,thoughtful actions and love honestly and genuinely.I am so glad so many posters are having great relationships with men like this.

I posted for similar reasons to Annie.The OP saying that she usually messed up and how recently they had met were what stood out for me.

I am uncomfortable with the suggestion that it is "inappropriate" to make contributions that others disagree with or find extreme to threads in this topic.

As has repeatedly been stated,there is a genuine evidence base for "Red Flags",and there may be women reading this thread for whom lightbulbs are switching on.

There has never been any suggestion that the OP should be considering ending her relationship based on what has been said.

It may not be meant that way,but it does seem as if some of us are being told to take our unpleasantness elsewhere - ---

----that bringing our words of caution,advice and experiences is tainting the OP's excitement....?

----that attitude is a short step away from the sort of shame and victim blaming which prevents people who are concerned about what they are experiencing,from speaking out.

Beautifully said, PM. It makes me feel cautious, too.

If a friend of mine had started a new relationship like this, I'd try and get her not to see him every day - and to leave the roses in a vase at the office, as that's where they were sent. Has he not got a life of his own, I would wonder? How come he needs everybody to see his flowery gift? Why red roses, were they on special offer or is this a button-push?

I didn't post before as I hate to rain on anyone's parade. But the shouts of "shut up!" irk me, for the exact reasons PM wrote. So now I've posted, too.

well said that last bit pm... after coming out of abusive relationship, I was alarmed that the sarcastic way I was and other behaviours I have since (I hope) left behind, along with the unhealthy people I shared my time with, if you are surrounded by people that put others down, be sarcastic etc, basically the emotional abuse that is detailed in my previous post, you think it normal when it is NOT normal or healthy, it takes insight to realise that such behaviour is not right, it is quite shamefull to be pulled up for the unpleasant behavior you show towards others, and realise you are not quite the nice person you thought you were, as i said before you can go into denial, often get angry at yourself or others etc, before you come to accept your predicament, well that was how I felt when I took a good look at myself!

Why ashamed, HRH? Of having an opinion, having experience, sharing knowledge? Of advising caution when a partner does something out of the ordinary?

There woudn't be much of a Relationships board if no-one did any of that, would there?

is it the place to swear HRHPrincessReality? because you do not agree with someone else?

I wouldn't characterise caution as "cries of abuse and tales of woe". None of the cautioning posters have insulted others, or told anyone else to shut up and stop posting. You, however, have - which makes your behaviour more like an abuser's than mine is.

I didn't want to hijack your thread, allgonebellyup, but couldn't leave that unanswered. Hope things continue to go well between you & Rose Man :)

I can see both sides of the argument here and I'm sure AGBU won't be put off by new man at this stage, he sounds lovely and I'm very much the kind of person that likes to like people, until proven otherwise.

But the red flag warnings are definitely worth bearing in mind, just as you might take caution in any other life situation.

Just as some men are potential abusers, others are very genuine and romantic, I suppose we all know that anyway.

Wow. Have only just looked at this thread since my last comment on Friday.

I did not intend to open up a whole can of worms here!!!!