Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

Why would they feel anything? they are not emotionally involved with clients or they would not be taking money for their service come on now! i know this may be an emotional subject for some but aim it where it should be, at your old man!

Would a barmaid feel bad if an alcoholic they served died of liver failure? Nope people can go to hell in a hand cart on their own.

I agree papaelsie, misandry is running amok in this thread.

Sakura I never said that sex was an equivalent imperative to eating and breathing.

But it is a primal biological drive. You surely cannot be denying that?

Using the list another poster made...very well to say that men should be satisfied with family barbeques and putting up the Christmas tree etc, but if you take away the 'quick, hot shag' then they will miss the quick hot shag.

I agree that a man's individual psychology is of course more complicated than this but I repeat my earlier, very simple point that many, possibly most clients visit me because they are not having any sex at all anywhere else. This applies to married men and singles.

They do not despise women and using prostitutes does not make them feel 'big' or 'clever' but abstinence and masturbation just do not work for them in the long term.

Anyway I've said enough about this and the discussion has moved on so I'll be off.

UNlikelyAMazonian two brilliant posts
That's the entire root of it. They don'T like women: not their mothers, their wives and certainly not prostitutes.

watchingrain, it was me who said it was a primal biological drive.

It was you who said it was as important as eating and breathing
And I said anyone who believed that was the spoilt product of post-industrial society

There is no primal biological drive to let a stranger stick his dick in you- for money. I certainly haven't experienced this primal biological drive you're talking about. I guess the majority of human beings haven't

So the discussion is focused on men who use prostitutes and someone is crying 'misandry'? It's 'running amok'?

Two rather dense people here it seems.

UNlikely,
Ageing is hard on a narcissist. And they all age one day

mathanxiety - Just because you cannot understand something doesnt mean the people talking about it are dense.. in fact it is more likely the reverse. You are the one being dense.

I'm sure dittany has linked to this before... But there you go, from the horses mouth.

There is obviously something else going on in the minds of men who seek to pay for sex, other than the fact that 'they're not getting it anywhere else'. If that were the only reason, then I think the percentage of men using prostitutes would be a helluva lot higher than 10%.

Unlikelyamazonian Great post.

theres probably a lot of men that wont admit that they use prostitutes.

its ok for them to use them but they dont want people to know that they are "paying for it"

Just read the link and also the report linked to it. I feel sick. I am by no means prudish and feel my DH and I have a fulfilling sex life but, after reading those articles, I am left shaken that the men involved in the studies have such an extremely low idea about women. So, I probably know men who have used the services of a prostitue. Now I will wonder who they are and what their true thoughts about woment are. Sorry not making much sense, am still trying to process this information.

Unlikely Amazonian - the thing is, to some peole, sex is very important. And therefore if they are expected to do without something that is very important to them, or be allowed only the most restricted, grudging access to it, then they will become unhappy and seek to change things. Think of something that makes you happy, really happy, it could be music, Chinese food, the theatre, playing golf, having a pet, whatever. Now imagine being told that, though other people are allowed to enjoy this particular pleasure (because the poor folls don;t know any better and no one has Shown Them The Error Of Their Ways), you are not, because your partner doesn;t like it, that people who do like it are selfish and immature, and that you should just make the best of life without it, or with only a very little of it.
If a person is deprived of something they like a lot, or only allowed very limited amounts of it, it can become an absolute obsession, and no other pleasure or pastimes can take your mind off the thing you want.

YOur post didn't make sense to me SGB. There's a woman on here whose husband had sex with a prostitute, and she felt repulsed by him, but never once thought the prostitute was in the wrong, because it wasn't an issue for her.
After reading this thread and the way the WG's think i.e that they're giving men a service their wives don't, it made her feel sick and disgusted and she felt worse than before.
There's something very strange about the "giving a service" mentality to me. DO it for the money, by all means; women are poorer than men, but don'T fall for your own hype that you're giving men a service, or that a misogynist thinks prostitues are special, more special than his wife and mother.

And for the sake of this thread can we please stop calling this transaction "sex". It is not sex. It's not rape, but not sex, any more than a GFE is a girlfriend and boyfriend

Sakura, it is sex, no less of an act because a prostitute has taken part!

But she's not taking part, is she? She's lying back and thinking of the money. Just like VIctorian women were forced to do with their husbands. This is 2010 FGS

OR she may not be "lying back" per se, but you see what I mean. There is a fine line here between what this is, and rape. IT's not rape, but it's not sex.

SGB I don't understand why you have addressed that post to me.

You keep writing posts reminding me that what my exH did was all his fault as though you think I am still looking to exonerate him and find someone else to blame...??

I am not. I am so not. What he did, he did entirely on his own. Nothing to do with me.

I feel nothing but sorry for the young girls in Thailand he used and tossed aside. I do not blame them.

I have read all his disgusting emails and all his foul FB messages. More of that in a sec..

When he decided to dump the young Cambodian girl he had been proclaiming love to for the few months he was fucking her, he wrote this to her:

"Sorry honey, I have found another bitch who lets me fuck her in the ass and she also swallows my cum. You will have to find another man to give you money."

I spoke to the girl after this. I told her he was married with two daughters and a young baby. I told her the truth and she was devastated. She deserved to know. He had told her a pack of lies naturally. Some of them quite funny (she asked me my age and when I told her she gasped and said 'but he say he no like older women!! hilarious if it wasn't so awful and sad for this one young girl. And there were many others.)

Now, I was married to this man. But this is NOT a man who likes women. This is a man who loathes women but masquerades as liking them.

When he was play-acting the respectable middle class family-man husband/father role with me, nobody could have guessed what he was really like.

We had an ok sex life. I had a six month old baby when he went to Thailand to get sex. So maybe we hadn't been having as an active a sex life for a year or so as he might have liked.

But when he ran away he poured out in letters how much he loved me, respected me, how I would be better off without him as I was too good for him blah blah blah.

It was bullshit. BUT I found him out. I am glad I did.

I have had a rare insight into the mind of a man such as him. I tracked him and know what he got up to and, crucially, unbeknownst to him, read all his emails as I say; I have therefore seen in black and white the words he uses with his 'mates' in Thailand: they are very, very dehumanising, derogatory, misogynist and sometimes frighteningly nasty.

Looking back, it was all there staring me in the face but he did a very good job of hiding it:
He did not like his mother.
He loathed his sister.
He didn't like his two little daughters but managed to disguise it for the most part.
He clearly didn't like me but needed me to help create the 'image' of a nice decent married bloke.

He is like many thousands of men who use and abuse prostitutes only he went to an amazing extreme to satisfy what you call his 'obsessional' interest or need for sex.

Men who use prostitutes dont like women. I am not entirely sure they like themselves deep deep down. But hey, I am not going to feel any pity for them.

And they are a bloody menace in my book.

UA: Because you had this long post about how men who like lots of sex are evil and should be satisfied with nice cups of tea and doing the shopping instead.

And the thing I still don't get (and which no one has offered any kind of explanation for) is why people with low libidos mind so much when their partners with higher libidos want to have sex elsewhere. If you don't want to do something with your partner why do you think they should be prohibited from doing it with someone else?

SGB, you don't seem to understand that sex is different to everything else in a relationship (for most people).

I don't care if my husband wants to eat chips if I've decided I don't fancy them for a while, I care a great deal if just because I go off sex for a while, he then decides to go and have sex with someone else.

Peoples' libidos don't stay the same over a lifetime, that's why you compromise if you love each other.

SWC - 10% of British men is not " a lot of them out there" imho.
It's a very small minority, 90 out of 100 men wouldn't use a prostitute, which means that yes, there is something a bit wrong with men who pay for sex. I wonder what percentage of men have paedophile tendencies for example?

The only man I've ever known for definite to use a prostitute was my BIL, he is vile, hugely mysoginstic and a complete narcissist, he regularly goes to Thailand for diving holidays and it wouldn;t suprise me in the least if he favoured very young girls - he's a predator.

do prostitutes have orgasms as a result of having sex with their johns ?

or is that a myth perpetuated by Billie Piper ?

my DH likes sex because I like it too, with him

there is mutual enjoyment (I could and have enjoyed it with others too, pre-marriage, btw)

if there is no mutual enjoyment, that says a lot about the man who is paying

that he is accepting of a woman having no more status than an inert vagina to fuck, along with all the other unpleasant physical manifestations for a woman of fucking someone you don't fancy (I am sure I don't need to go into detail here)

a very unpalatable businesss all round, IMO