Calling all prostitutes and former prostitutes on MN, as there seem to be a few around right now...

[Aitch]

I'm curious to know how it makes you feel to see threads on here from wives and girlfriends etc when they discover that their husbands etc have been visiting prostitutes? even if you are happy in your own jobs (and i hope to god you are somehow, because the alternative is intolerable), how does it feel to be confronted with the downside of your work on these pages?

(i think it goes without saying that the men are culpable in this scenario, but am looking for some insight into how your work squares with sisterhood etc).

In the case of smoking, fag manufacturers are now legally bound to slap the warning "Smoking kills/lowers sperm count/harms yourself and others around you/causes lung cancer/ blah blah, on the front of their (taxed to the hilt) product.

Which is 'good' for all us silly ignoramuses I guess.

Just wondering whether, taking that to its logical conclusion (which is an eon of political wrangling away) crack dealers/macdonalds workers/sex dealers etc, should carry the same warning.

In those immortal words, only time will tell.

Well, Cigarettes kill.
Crack is illegal,
Obesity is bad for your health.

Fucking for money is none of those, so no warning is needed. UA, please leave the woman alone

I am nervous at posting on this thread because it seems to be a bit bad tempered!

But I thought my point of view might be relevant and I can;t speak about this to anyone in RL so I have to take the opportunity when it arises!

I'm not going to rehash the whole sorry story, but I discovered fairly recently that my h had been seeing escorts for about 10 years of our marriage (together 20 years). He also had an affair with a colleague.

Although it probably sounds ridiculous, we are trying to turn things round and make a go of it.

Despite nearly driving myself mad analysing everything to death, I still don't understand why he did it. I think it boils down to the fact that it was easy to do; he liked the excitement and he thought 'why not'? I think he genuinely thought that I would never find out and that no-one woudl get hurt.

We did have a decent sex life (but realistically, how could I compete with a 20 year old Brazilian girl?) and I think it probably started when i was pregnant and he really didn't seem to find me attractive. I think probably it grew from there into a habit. I am not bad looking and have nice clothes (I'm slim, but I know I've got a mummy tummy).

Our marriage was not an 'empty shell' by any means. We loved being together, and had real fun. I have been supportive, kind, tactile and loving, but probably too laissez faire and accepting. Distracted by the children, but no more than normal, and loving all the time.

He would honestly be the last person you would imagine being addicted to such a thing.

I don't seem to have any feelings at all about the women he has seen. I don;t blame them or hate them. I know who was responsible. In a way I feel sorry for them - and I feel appalled by the idea that some of them might have been unhappy, or had been trafficked or had not made an active choice to be a sex worker. I don't expect them to have had any regard for me - at the end of the day, GFE or not, it was just a transaction for them. I think I am cynical now, but I wouldn't realistically have expected them to turn down £250 because they noticed he was wearing a wedding ring.

But Math, what anyone's customer does outside the transaction the customer is paying for, is not the seller's problem. You might as well blame the pub landlady for the fact that a customer of hers, having got drunk, goes home and beats up his wife.

UA:THe person to blame for what your XH did to you is YOUR XH. No one else.

This has been an education. Thanks Mandy for your measured input.

My flatmate (lodger) and good friend started bringing wgs to my flat, until I told him that I was v uncomfortable with it. He was 'seeing' a girl who had a swish flat, bf had left and she needed to pay the mortgage. That's all my experience.

I have long wanted to hear more of the wg's pov.

And, as usual, sgb nails it.

If my DH paid money to stick his dick in a woman, I would not consider him to have cheated.

Cheating would be having sex with someone. I would be devastated and upset.

If he could ever use another person's body as part of a financial transaction he would be dead to me.

It is the most abhorrent thing I can imagine, other than finding out he was a rapist.

MrsJ - it's nothing you did or didn't do that made your husband pay for sex, it's his personality flaw, his weakness that made him think it was acceptable to betray you in that way.
The fact that you are trying to work through this makes you a far more forgiving person than me.

Mrs

You think your husband might have raped some women and you are OK with that?

Skidoodly, that's harsh.

Sorry, you're right.

Oh, poor you, it must be so upsetting for you to know that your husband might be a rapist.

Well done for forgiving him though, that takes real character.

There's a bloody good chance that he never came into contact with a trafficked or coerced girl.

But there's a chance that he did and didn't even care.

Vile.

And I get accused of being uncaring towards other women?

Mrs J that is horrible. I am so very sorry you have had to go through such a trauma. It's not an addiction, but that is another thread.

taghain et al, stop being so flippin rude and belligerent.

I am not having a go at 'the woman'. On an internet forum like this, 'the woman' has identified herself and her views only in her capacity as a sex worker. I am just joining in with my own thoughts.

Whenever there is a thread on MN about prostitution/sexworkers/call girls etc, it always ends up with those who post criticisms of prostitution being villified as pathetic cretins.

.. and then some forlorn voices contribute with their own sad experiences of husbands or partners using prostitutes.

I take exception to people using my own past as a stick to beat me with.

I am glad now that exH went off to have sex with underage prostitutes as it means he can never come back into my son's life.

This is a small plus in an otherwise damaging experience, the legacy of which threatens to rebound on my boy and his own family to come.

But back to the convo: is manda more to be admired as a savvy call girl or prostitute just because she is servicing relatively wealthy westerners and can stand up for herself on the internet?

The impoverished Cambodian girl my husband spent two months screwing was in no such position. And nor are many girls who give sex because they are desperate for cash, in many areas of the world and the Uk.

Prostituting oneself is not something to be proud of.

Manda will be earning a hell of a lot more than the peanuts western men like my ex paid to have a young cambodian prostitute on hand.

But then again, Manda, if you truly believe in the good of your profession then at least consider getting some of your co-workers together and going to a country where sex workers need voices like yours: get some placards done. Protest outside some of the bars where bar girls are being used and abused. Fight for equality and for safety. Proclaim, with genuine pride, if you feel it, the services that you provide. And with your western education and advantages, make it a clean, safe and well-paid calling.

Or just shut the fuck up bleating on about it

ski...there was absolutely no call for that

please could you apologise or have your post deleted ?

Oh dear. Wish I hadn't posted now. It was a stupid mistake. Am hiding thread. Bye.

No, I absolutely will not apologise.

I think there was every call for it.

you think haranguing a woman for something her husband has done is the right thing to do ?

that is vile, and certainly surpasses anything that he could do to her

Here you go, this is a quote from an Asian sex worker:

Dear Sir,

The real violence against sex workers comes from anti-trafficking industry.

As sex workers in Asia we now use the slogan "Save us from Saviours"

Of course there is abuse in the sex industry, of course not every one who choose to do it love their work. But is this a reason to deny the rights?

We here see more damage from saviors than from sex work- more police raping when they rescue the women to go to forced rehabilitation; more sickness in rehab center with no health care; more death in rehab centre because no food and no ARV; more women locked illegally in NGO shelter than we ever see locked in any brothel.

Once again people like Taina Bien-Aimé make up figures about Cambodia as though it is centre of sex trafficking. She should check the figures before she quote complete lies about average age of entry to sex work being 14 years old.

They should also check their figures on number of women trafficked.

73 women trafficked in 2008 in the largest ever survey of trafficking victim in Cambodia. A bit different to all teh figure they say of thousands or tens of thousands.

But we know they will not quote new figure because their whole argument is based on lies. And it is their lies that line their pockets and the bank accounts of the rescue industry. We want one form of pimping stopped and it is research and rescue pimps who need to go.

It is rescue industry abuse, illegal detention and murder of sex workers that need to stop.

Our other slogan from India is "Only Rights can Stop the Wrongs"

So give us our rights

And you want me to wander around with a placard?

I'd rather respect their wishes.

Manda'smum: I am not sure what you are trying to show in posting that letter. Can you clarify ?

"you think haranguing a woman for something her husband has done is the right thing to do ?

that is vile, and certainly surpasses anything that he could do to her"

Spot on!

It's fairly clear to me.

I'm not concerned about what he has done to her, I'm concerned about what he has done to other women.

You can't "forgive" someone for maybe being a rapist.

You can only condone it.

They are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves, as are we. The problem is getting anyone to listen whilst fighting off the would be "rescuers"