Hi,
Just looking for some opinions, as involvement with a man has recently finished (got back with his ex). I do of course miss him and feel rubbish at the moment (though I know this will pass...I hope it will), but I do wonder if I will look back and realise that I have had a lucky escape, as I feel that there's something not quite right that I can't put my finger on. I loved him anyway but can't help but wonder if that was the major thing we had in common - I loved him, he loved himself too.
There is lots I do miss about him, but a few characteristics I'm not exactly sorry to see the back of.
- lack of empathy towards other people - as if it was only his feelings that mattered. He seemed to enjoy inflicting pain on other people, e.g. me.
- very flirty, which never really bothered me on a serious level, I tended to think of it as an act but if we were in a restaurant and I so much looked at the waiter, he would fly into a rage.
- in the beginning, he was charming and complimented my figure, but towards the end would insult my appearance - he repeatedly told me I needed my mouth fixing, that I had 'shit tits', that my shoes were horrible (which they weren't, and that really hurt!). I wasn't 'perfect looking' so I didn't deserve him. Reading this, I see how disrespectful he was to me actually, and strange as it sounds either a) it didn't hurt me or b) I didn'y care what he said to me.
- obsessed with being attractive - on the one hand would moan that he was unattractive, but on the other, would ask if girls he met fancied him and then say to me 'i am very good looking, aren't I?'.
- obsessed with sex - will openly say to colleagues and mutual friends that he 'needs to have sex'.
-sex that was all about him. In the beginning, I was satisfied, but he soon lost interest in pleasing me, the whole thing revolved around him, him receiving oral sex or him being masturbated by me or himself. He would ask me to pleasure myself, but it seemed he wanted me to do it over him if you see what I mean. It was never 'making love' either, and always, always had to involve me being dressed up. Actual intercourse fairly infrequent.
- lying about sexual conquests. I know two girls through friends he claimed to have had sex with, and they say they never slept with him.
- constant need for attention and to have his needs pandered to. Seemed to dislike being on his own actually, and would get very angry if I made plans that didnt involve him.
- very impulsive. Exciting at first, but quite tiring ultimately. Always seemed to find it difficult to make long term arrangements and would behave without thinking of the implications, e.g. he has backed out of work commitments and burned bridges with clients at work.
- excessive alcohol consumption
- felt entitled to my money
- at work, gets jealous of other people's status, though he doesn't work hard himself
- Prone to arguments with people that criticise him
I probably sound like the woman scorned and I should stress that I did have fun with him, he was very charming and funny to be around when things were good, very clever conversation, cultured, educated etc, we went on loads of dates, so it was never dull. I was completely into him, but there were things he would do or say that I didn't like, and I couldn't see it ending well, yet didn't have the strength to tell him to piss off either. I also really wanted to look after him and love him 'better' as it were.
So should I be weeping into my pillow or breathing a sigh of relief?