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Original poster

Advice needed please, straight talkers welcomed! (SGB AF,WWIFN)

64 replies

quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:37

Ok
name changed for this as i feel i need unbiased advice. if you know my usual chat-name please don't out me.

history:-

h told me he no longer loves me. he goes back and forth for around 2 years and finally decides to go about 4 months ago.

we have 2 dcs.

he leaves family home and moves in with a friend while we sell house .

house is sttc and is going through ready to complete by end of this month

i told him that as of end of this month i will move to my new rented house regardless of what happens as if it falls through he could then start to have dcs overnight and we could start to develop a routine for them. i also need to leave my own emotional health.

then it is revealed that there is another woman involved (gasp!!) he met her just before we split for good on a lad's holiday. she lives abroad and he has told me today that he has invited her over here for a holiday.

he says that if the house is not sold by then he still expects me to move out and let her spend the holiday in our marital home with him.

wwyd?

(I have tried to make this as factual as possible i want honest answers - i am beyond the need for sympathy)

thank you

OP posts:
fuschiagroan · 11/09/2010 22:39

Did you say you were going to move out anyway by then? It's up to you really. If you want to move out anyway then do it, but if you want to stay it's your house too and he can't make you leave.

saintlydamemrsturnip · 11/09/2010 22:40

I would tell him to get a sodding hotel room.

TBH I wouldn't be awkward, if I was moving out before she came fine, whatever. But if for whatever reason it wasn't convenient. No I certainly wouldn't move out early.

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 22:40

So you have said that you are moving out at the end of September and his new woman is coming over in October?

TBH let him but don't start up with your dcs staying with him in the house until after she has been and gone. It would probably do the 3 of you good to settle into your new home without them staying over at the old house especially if he has his woman there at the same time. I don't think he'll be giving them that much attention whilst she's over will he.

I will refrain from writing what I think of his attitude and actions because he is being a complete arse to say the very least.

chyler · 11/09/2010 22:41

Why should you have to move out? I'd tell him they would have to make other arrangements as I wouldn't be putting myself and the children out to accomodate them.

Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:42

i did say i would move out but this was before he told me his way going to have his ow stay here for 2 weeks. i feel this changes things ???

i really want to go but don't want to jeopardise my legal position.

he says i am being unreasonable and that if i go back on my word he will revisit maintenance etc.

i said i would leave before i knew he had ow.

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 11/09/2010 22:42

Sorry, just need to clarify

You are in the marital home.

You have a rented house to move into at the end of the month no matter what.

H has a new woman and is letting her stay in the marital home at the end of the month if it is not sold?

Providing she's due to arrive AFTER the end of the month when you're in your new house, then I'd leave them to it.

However if she's due to arrive before you've moved then tell him to stick it up his arse and to book a hotel room.

FallingWithStyle · 11/09/2010 22:44

Continue with your plans as they stand.

Let him do what he will, do not dig your heels in now in order to make things difficult for him - it would simply boost his ego.

Ignore whatever plans he has and get on with your own.

He's an insensitive twat though, isn't he?

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 22:45

If you want to check your legal position than you need legal advice, I don't think it will make a difference? Will you have exchanged contracts by then?

I think if you have exchanged contracts then that is fine.

TBH I think I would just want shot of the situation. He has been a selfish idiot for 2 years messing you and his children around, he isn't going to change (well I don't think so from what you've posted).

I would pick your fights carefully. How old are your dc?

Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:45

yes fliss that is spot on

my only worry is that it might alter my legal position somewhat

what if sale falls through for example and he decides to stay put - i am relying on the small amount of capital from my half of the sale.

OP posts:
Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:46

yes i truly want out, i am exhausted dc are both under 4

OP posts:
Doha · 11/09/2010 22:46

Hope you are taking all the furniture beds kitchen equiment etc with you ...

See you OW likes camping on a blow up matress on the floor.

Flisspaps · 11/09/2010 22:46

If the sale falls through then won't you still be tied into a lease for the new house anyway?

And if he stays put, would he not have to buy you out of the house?

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 22:47

I think you need very specific legal advice, like you said could she be seen as a tenant or something? Could your dh argue he needs to keep the house to have the dc overnight - it could turn very nasty and complicated.

Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:47

going to talk to sol on monday. just wanted mn opinion too!

OP posts:
FellatioNelson · 11/09/2010 22:48

Sorry to make an irrelevant point, but who is WWIFN? Confused

SGB and AF need to be here, it goes without saying.

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 22:49

when will I feel normal?

at least now you know why he finally called it quits and you can cite adultery on the divorce papers.

fuschiagroan · 11/09/2010 22:49

Why would it make a difference to your legal position whether the OW was there or not? It doesn't make a difference, but it's up to you to do what you want. It's not going to change anything or make him come back, and it sounds like you don't want him back anyway. Why not just leave him to it?

BellasFormerFriend · 11/09/2010 22:50

So you are concerned that him moving back into the house, potentially with OW and (again potentially) calling it his new "family" home will put you on a back foot legally as you will not be able to force a sale (which you need for the capital)?

CarGirl · 11/09/2010 22:51

I'd start asking the house solicitor when you will be ready to exchange contracts.

Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:52

cargirl-this is my fear, he is buying another house at the moment which is dependant on our house going through, so it all should be sorted by then time she arrives and therefore she will never step foot in our home as it will be sold by then.

BUT if it falls through and

if i move out and he moves in with her (albeit that she is only here for a holiday - she is not from the UK) and the sale falls through for whatever reason he finds himself in a v nice house and will have no real incentive to get it sold again .

but then i balance this with the need for me to go for my own sanity. do i just cut and run

OP posts:
BellasFormerFriend · 11/09/2010 22:52

TBH I suspect you are right, if he moves back in then you will not be able to force a sale but will be able to require him to buy you out, however I have no idea how long that will take or how easy it will be to arrange, presumably he has no capital himself?

Flisspaps · 11/09/2010 22:53

Get on to your solicitor, but if at all possible then go go go.

Original poster
quickpoll · 11/09/2010 22:54

gosh this thread is moving fast - once again mn comes up trumps Grin thanks guys.

yes i want him out of my life.

bella has got it spot on

OP posts:
BellasFormerFriend · 11/09/2010 22:55

My gut reaction is to say don't leave until it is sold if there is the chance that he will move back in (with or without a new partner, I don't think that changes much TBH).

I understand that you want out but you could be letting yourself in for some considerable time spent wrangling with him to get the money you are owed - whilst spending more money on Sol. etc.

ravenAK · 11/09/2010 22:55

I'd probably be tempted to put off moving until the house sale was done & dusted, unless I really trusted my h to be as keen as me to get it shifted.

OW or no OW, I wouldn't want to risk him moving back 'until the sale goes through, no point it standing empty & I can keep an eye on the place for you', possibly followed by the sale falling through & him being comfortably esconced whilst I tried to find another buyer...

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