Advice needed please, straight talkers welcomed! (SGB AF,WWIFN)

[quickpoll]

Ok
name changed for this as i feel i need unbiased advice. if you know my usual chat-name please don't out me.

history:-

h told me he no longer loves me. he goes back and forth for around 2 years and finally decides to go about 4 months ago.

we have 2 dcs.

he leaves family home and moves in with a friend while we sell house .

house is sttc and is going through ready to complete by end of this month

i told him that as of end of this month i will move to my new rented house regardless of what happens as if it falls through he could then start to have dcs overnight and we could start to develop a routine for them. i also need to leave my own emotional health.

then it is revealed that there is another woman involved (gasp!!) he met her just before we split for good on a lad's holiday. she lives abroad and he has told me today that he has invited her over here for a holiday.

he says that if the house is not sold by then he still expects me to move out and let her spend the holiday in our marital home with him.

wwyd?

(I have tried to make this as factual as possible i want honest answers - i am beyond the need for sympathy)

thank you

Ermmmmmm....

I don't see that OW entering the equation makes much difference. If the house sale falls through then you are at risk of him remaining in the property (once you've gone into your new rented home as you plan) and being resistant to selling it regardless. Yes, he could be forced to buy you out or sell but as we all know he could make selling it unlikely by various means such as awkwardness over viewings, leaving stinky poos in the downstairs bog, etc. This could all happen once you go if the sale does not go through.

I would not be signing any tenancy or making any physical move until the sale of the house is complete if you think he may make this difficult. The other woman has no bearing on this at all, except for the fact that it gives you even less reason to trust him. I wouldn't trust the other party in any divorce scenario. Everybody is out for themselves in divorce, OM, OW, no OW or OM, this is about survival and very often about greed and hurt and financially assuaging the feelings that arise.

Stay put until things are secure.

Stay in the house till completion and under no circumstances trust him with anything, least of all being fair and reasonable about your finances. He has lied to you over and over again, he will do so again.

thank you all so much.

i have woken up still none the wiser. i can't work out if i am being unreasonable my head is so muddled.

i gave him my word i would move out (but this was before he told me about ow)

i did this to make it easier for him to see the kids as he is currently kipping at a mate's house

at the time we were keeping things friendly and i had no reason not to trust him.

he now tells me that as i gave him my word he went ahead and made plans with ow to stay and if the sale is not through then she will have to stay at our house.

god i hope this is a moot point and it goes through before she arrives.

If you want to try to keep it friendly, just tell him that the house rental has fallen through. The roof's caved in or something, and the landlord is doing repairs. In the meantime you're having to look for somewhere else, oh dear.

You're not being unreasonable...your original offer was far too reasonable, that's the problem.

With good intent, you have lain yourself open to a situation which could be disastrous. Your H has taken advantage of this, maybe appreciatively, maybe not. But, if he is unwilling to concede that your 'word' was foolish and he then does not 'allow' you to revoke your offer, then he is being unreasonable and unkind.

OK, calm rethink.

I don't think you should move until the house is sold.

If anything happened to it, it could cause the buyers to back out, or even after exchange, it could cause problems. As the sale of this building has so much influence on the outcome of both of your lives, it's successful sale is of utmost importance. Literally there is nothing more important in the world to you both right now than this house selling.

For me, that is sensible reason enough.

WRT your DH bringing this woman over to stay in it, tbh it really doesn't feel right to do that, placing myself in her position, I would be at best uneasy knowing that you had only just left... I'll bet she'd still be able to detect the smell of your perfume... Somehow it's unseemly.

I think your desire to get away from his general dicking about and horrific rejection is utterly understandable, but as a result, I agree with Hobb, you have been far too reasonable and he's taking advantage of it.

HerBeatitude's idea would be favourite for bringing the power back to your control.

Without meaning to sound harsh to OP.

If he's lied about the OW (or omitted her from his story) then you can't expect him to be honest about what he'll do with the house.

If you have DCs and a financial stake in the house, then don't move out until the finances are settled in divorce.

Please don't move out. Herbetitude's idea is very good, or tell him your solicitor has advised you to stay in the house until the house is sold.

It won't be you being awkward, you are just following legal advise.

To give you peace of mind you need to be in control of this house sale and divorce. It will give you a lot more confidence and self esteem than if you let you EX H take charge.

Good luck, I'll look in tomorrow to see how you get on.

You said he could live in the house until it was sold but now you don't want him too as he is going to have a woman staying there for a couple of weeks now? If you are not bothered who he is shagging why has it changed how you feel about moving out? I am not having a go at you, I am curious as to why it makes a difference. I would get everything in writing too.

You need to stay put if house doesn ot sell it is your main asset, look at it as a short necessity for your furture well being. if you can afford the potential financial loss then leave as planned if your wellbeing isdependent on it.seek legal adviceas you have no agreement in place

Call me paranoid/suspicious, but is anyone else hearing alarm bells regarding the OW coming over for two weeks and he wants to stay in the marital home with her? Is there the possibility that she may not leave after two weeks, and the "happy couple" would then want to stay in YOUR MH longer...?

Move out but done forget to take the bed and leave prawn shells under the sofa

tbh the thought of her never going home has crossed my mind too....

i am going to get advice tomorrow on this. are any of you lot legal eagles ??? Do you think if i got a speedy separation agreement drawn up i could include a clause in there to protect myself against him not selling the house if i do move out and the sale falls through???

sol reckons it would take him a week max to draw one up - h and i have agreed terms already for this but i would insist on having this new clause put in.

that way i am protecting myself and if he does refuse to sign at least i know his intentions are not honerable and then there is no way i would leave.

(hopefully this is all needless worry as the sale will go through before she is due to arrive.)

pinkbasket - tbh it the barefaced cheek of it all that is getting my back up.

Ask him to get a bridging loan on the property and pay your share of the capital to you on 30 September. Then walk away and start your new life.
If he allows the sale to go through he'll be able to repay the bridging loan. If he's playing dirty and his plan is to abandon selling the house, he will have to convert the bridging loan to a mortgage. Either way, his (and her) pigeon. You have your capital (and the knowledge that he's paying a lot of interest on that bridging loan).
I'd also keep the dc sleeping in your new home for the first month just to get them established.