DP can't handle alcohol anymore

[DSM]

My DP has always been a good drinker, never had any issues. He could hold his own in social situations, would drink quite a lot on a night out, but he's a big man (6'6", 16 stone, rugby player) and if anything, would be unlikely to suffer the adverse affects most people do.

However, of late he's been awful. Getting so drunk he staggers about, slurs his speech, being unaware of his surroundings, talking jibberish.. And on one occassion, been verbally abusive toward me (this took place at home after an evening out together).

He's not drinking any more than he used to, and as of the last few months, has limited himself to only beer, no spirits, in an effort to combat the problem.

This has been going on since January, though we don't drink that often and so there have now been 5 occassions that this has happened.

The final straw came at the weekend, we attended a wedding and he drank fairly moderately, though somehow when we got home, he was so intoxicated he talked jibberish nonsense, and then urinated on the bedroom floor.

He remembers nothing, is obviously deeply apologetic and embarrassed, and has put himself on a complete alcohol ban.

Does anyone have any experience of this sudden change in alcohol tolerance? We're not sure where to go with this, if there is an explanation or solution.

I don't want him to have to give up alcohol entirely, one should be able to enjoy a social drink but currently, this isn't an option.

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

is he on meds even lemsip or cough med?

Either he is drinking more than he's letting on or he has a medical problem.

Might diabetes have that effect? Or is he taking any medication that is affecting his drinking?

He is on no medication, doesn't even take paracetamol.

He's not drinking more than he's letting on, as we go out together. In fact, the one time he has been out without me this year he came home fine, he was so worried about getting too drunk without me there to 'regulate' him, that he had 3 pints then drank juice.

I agree with Dinghy. He should go and see his GP. If he refuses, then maybe he knows that the problem is not medical?

So if three pints is him being cautious - how much does he drink when he has these episodes?

Also - can understand why you would want to know if there was some underlying reason for all this, but surely its no big deal if he just doesnt drink alcohol?

I think he should ask the dr for a test for diabetes.

And was he at all drunk after 3 pints? That's at least 6 units - how much does he usually drink?

Clearly you and he are very worried about it - I think the best course of action is to lay off the drink completely and see your GP.

He's already suggested seeing the doctor, but was worried that he was being silly, wasting their time when they will simply tell him not to drink.

Not drinking is, obviously, an option, but neither of us really want him to have to be teetotal, we're still young (late 20's) and enjoy evenings out with friends. He didn't drink at all for three months earlier this year, which was fine, though he was constantly asked why he wasn't drinking. Also he had to put up with my chat after a few glasses of wine which I am sure is easier if you've had a couple yourself.

And 3 pints isn't a lot, on a night out I'd say 7-8 is about average.

I think if it could be a sign of diabetes or something it's worth us checking it out, but would there not be other symptoms?

Please ask him to see a GP - my late mother had a bad reaction to, of all things, communion wine (she didn't drink otherwise) and it was an indication of liver problems.

Also, not all liver problems are caused by drink.

8 pints? That's at least 16 units (depends on strength of beer). I beleive the recommended limit for men is 21 units a week.

I think 8 pints in one night out is a huge amount.

Seeing the GP is a very good idea. And he should take a diary of what he's drunk and when, and the effect it's had.

What happened in January, did any event in particular start this?.

I don't think putting himself on a complete alcohol ban is going to help him any. If he wants to do this then it is best to do so in a controlled way. You and he should approach the GP together initially then you know he has attended the appt.

Who cleared up after he urinated on the floor?. I hope it was him as there have to be consequences for his actions. If you cleared up after him then you enabled him here which is not good at all. You shield him from the consequences of his actions if you enable him.

He needs to address why he is drinking to excess on occasion; social drinking can all too easily get out of hand and can tip into it being an alcohol problem.

This is actually also worrying:-
"he was so worried about getting too drunk without me there to 'regulate' him, that he had 3 pints then drank juice".

He's abdicating his responsibility here to you to ensure he does not get drunk. He did not have to drink 3 pints. Why does he feel you have to regulate him, this is a bad sign if this is an ongoing thing too.

8 pints in one night is pretty standard. Not just for DP but for most men I know. Between 6-9 I would say is average in a night.

And recommended units being 21 a week, he's still within that on 8 pints.

Anyway, will talk to him re seeing GP. Thank you for your help.

DSM, I know you don't want to hear this but 8 pints a night really is a lot even if "everybody else" is doing it. Maybe the excess drinking is catching up with him as he's getting older? I know that I get hangovers a lot more easily than I used to.

I do think he should go to the doc to run some liver tests.

DSM

Government limits are one thing but if this is beginning to affect your own day to day life as well then it is a problem. I would also suggest you give Al-anon a call as they could be helpful to you in such circumstances. They are helpful to family members of people who have problems with alcohol.

may be 21 units a week, but it's about 3 a day. a pint has about 2 units - some a little less, some a little more (least I've seen is carlsberg at 1.8). Could be dodgy beer, as a once or twice off but it does sound more like some sort of liver damage, esp if this isn't often and not time to time - it's constant abuse of his liver.

Can he switch to low alchohol beer, or lager top? I still think 3 is quite alot if it's often - I do go out and drink up to 6-8 pints myself, but that amount is once or twice a year, and 3 pints max of once every month or so. He needs to be aiming for (IMO) about 3 units but not every day, so if you go out maybe 2 lager tops spaced with some coke, or even better low alchohol/alchohol free. Becks is a good one, more companies are doing them now

DSM, my dh is a very tall well-built bloke, too, but he is absolutely pissed as a fart on 5 pints. He's just getting older! So, now when he goes out, he drinks 3 pints - or 4 at a push.

I have worked in the licensed trade for 11 years, I know as much as anyone about drinking habits, how much an average person drinks on a night out, and normal reactions to alcohol. I know alcoholism and work closely with the Scottish licensing board on the guidelines issued as part of the 2005 act.

Neither myself, nor dp do anything because 'everyone else is doing it'. His tolerance to alcohol has changed dramatically and suddenly, with no obvious reason which is why I am posting.

He is not an alcoholic, the suggestion is laughable. He drinks once every few weeks, at most, at social events.

It could just be a lowering of tolerance due to age, though the change has been very sudden. It could be an underlying medical issue, or it could be something else. I don't know, but do appreciate the posts with sensible advice and will pursue the route of seeing the gp for possible diabetes or other medical problem.

I don't see how, from reading my op, people could think it appropriate to suggest AA

Al-anon is very different from AA . Al-anon is primarily for family members of problem drinkers. It is one of their means of support.

Your man's social drinking has not been a problem up till now but something has tipped the balance here.

Also you do not have to drink everyday to be an alcoholic; alcoholism can creep up on people completely unawares.

At the very least you owe it to yourselves to get this problem properly investigated. I also suggest you go along with him to the GP because he may well shy away from doing any such thing otherwise. Also it shows him that you are being supportive.

It sounds like there is a medical reason for this - get him to go to the GP asap, rather than just stopping drinking.

8 pints in one night does sound quite alot now I'm an old mumsy, but I wouldn't have thought that in my student days / 20's. Particularly if he's a big rugby player. I don't think it's just him getting older and less tolerant.

DSM the government recommendation of 21 units a week doesn't entail drinking most of them in one go! 6-9 pints in one night is a huge amount in my opinion - especially if that is only 'average. My DH likes a drink but I've never known him drink more than 2 or 3 pints in one evening. It's a big mistake to think that, because most of the men you know drink so much then it's OK. It really isn't. Your husband's inability to handle alcohol now may be an indication of liver damage. I remember a work colleague years ago telling me that her husband, who was an alcoholic (in her opinion) had got to a stage where one drink would make him appear drunk. So perhaps your dh's excessive drinking in the past is the cause of his inability to handle his drink now?

The other thing is I think people become less able to cope with alcohol the older they get. I know I can't drink now they way I could in my twenties. I worry constantly about how much I drink - I do like a couple of glasses of wine most evenings - so feel a bit of a hypocrite here. But I think you should get your dh to go to the doctor and ask for a liver function test.

Oh come on...look there's a slight chance there's some underlying medical reason for this - and definitely worth getting it checked out - but what do you expect people to say in response to "my dp drinks 8 pints on a night out and then he acts all drunk...why does that happen?"

Btw - he may well be within the units per week guideline, but it is not applicable when all in one go. I think they say no more than 4 units a day. (but you know that already obviously )

My tolerance to alcohol dropped suddenly when I was 27. I don't remember getting more drunk but certainly the hangovers got much worse. I remember having a "normal" girls night out and being ill for 3 days....I reached the conclusion I'm allergic to white wine and haven't drunk it since. Then more and more drinks made me similarly ill...there isn't much I can drink now in my 40s!

IMHO there's no need to be snippy with people giving advice relating to AA. This is the Relationships board, not the Health board, and usually when people have relationship problems that relate to alcohol they are about problem drinking. BTW not all alcoholics drink every day, some build up to a binge. As someone else has said, him relying on you to "regulate" him is probably not a good habit to get into, it has to be his own responsibility if/when he drinks to excess.

I appreciate that, but it's not just 'acting drunk'. It's complete loss of control that I've never seen in him before, after the same number of drinks that this time last year, wouldn't have had him past tipsy.

If I'm meeting friends for drinks, I'll have, averagely, 4 large glasses of wine. If I, or one of my friends, suddenly started losing complete control after this amount, I'd wonder why. It's not normal to suddenly change behavioural patterns without reason, surely.

If he were a big drinker then I'd worry about him alcoholism. But he is an occassional, social drinker.

Apologies for getting snippy, probably shouldn't have put this in relationships really.

I am just looking for practical advice or experiences and feel that the 'he's an alcoholic' responses are not useful.

I apologise, I do appreciate all responses.