DP can't handle alcohol anymore

[DSM]

My DP has always been a good drinker, never had any issues. He could hold his own in social situations, would drink quite a lot on a night out, but he's a big man (6'6", 16 stone, rugby player) and if anything, would be unlikely to suffer the adverse affects most people do.

However, of late he's been awful. Getting so drunk he staggers about, slurs his speech, being unaware of his surroundings, talking jibberish.. And on one occassion, been verbally abusive toward me (this took place at home after an evening out together).

He's not drinking any more than he used to, and as of the last few months, has limited himself to only beer, no spirits, in an effort to combat the problem.

This has been going on since January, though we don't drink that often and so there have now been 5 occassions that this has happened.

The final straw came at the weekend, we attended a wedding and he drank fairly moderately, though somehow when we got home, he was so intoxicated he talked jibberish nonsense, and then urinated on the bedroom floor.

He remembers nothing, is obviously deeply apologetic and embarrassed, and has put himself on a complete alcohol ban.

Does anyone have any experience of this sudden change in alcohol tolerance? We're not sure where to go with this, if there is an explanation or solution.

I don't want him to have to give up alcohol entirely, one should be able to enjoy a social drink but currently, this isn't an option.

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

Hello.

I have been reading this and I am a bit shocked at some of the answers.

I think from what you've said that what your husband drinks/when he does it/you go out etc is all just what most couples do with their circle of friends etc.

I do agree that a little trip to the GP is in order though. Definitely a few checks to be done. Let us know how he goes.

Personally speaking since I have had DS I know I can't drink anymore. 2 is my maximum now. Anymore and a few hours later I really feel very unwell so perhaps it is just a dip in his tolerance levels.

DSM

At no stage have I said that your husband is an alcoholic.

What I have said is that, in conjunction with other factors which, from your post, may be present or absent, some features of your husband's behaviour would not be out of place in an alcoholic.

The quantity per session, for example, would be eminently respectable in most AA meetings - with the difference, of course, that most alcoholics who drink that sort of quantity per session do so far more often than you say your husband does. So it really does depend on how much he drinks between these sessions and whether he does or does not drink on the sly (he probably doesn't - most people don't - but, if he did, you would be very hard pushed to spot it as it is very easy to hide. It's the effects that give you away, not getting caught in the act.)

The perceived need to put himself on an alcohol ban (rather than, say, drinking like everyone else's definition of "moderate", i.e. 2 pints then switch to soft drinks, rather than 6-8 pints) also suggests that he does not feel able to control his drinking, which is the main symptom of alcoholism, even more than quantity - but, again, you will know more about that than I possibly could.

The sudden switch, the lack of memory, the loss of sphincter control - again, all things you will hear in an AA meeting. Of COURSE they occasionally happen to non-alcoholics too - but then such people normally don't need it to happen five times to get the message.

Again, I make no suggestion that he is an alcoholic and reiterate what I first said, like others - that the GP must be your first point of call. But I do think you, like many people, have a flawed idea of what constitutes an alcoholic or alcoholic behaviour - it isn't all about drinking Listerine and Spesh every day on a park bench with a string for a belt!

And I also reiterate that around your husband's age was when my own "switch" - the switch from standing up to falling down - kicked in.

Miflaw - I'm very sorry for the problems you've had, but please, rest assured that I absolutely do know that in my case, I am not dealing with someone with an alcohol problem. I'm not in denial. I do know the signs. I do know that he isn't having secret alcohol. I absolutely would know.

The issue isn't about his drinking habits, at all. The issue is with his sudden inability to handle a few pints.

He hasn't given up alcohol because he can't control his drinking, he's given it up presently because he can't control the unusual effect it's having on him.

I do appreciate your comments, but I can absolutely definitely confirm, that he does not have any alcoholism issues.

DSM

I defer to your greater knowledge and your sympathy, though kind, is misplaced.

I think you know by now what you need to do. Go to the GP, or even A&E if you are worried. A perfectly feasible explanation of this sudden switch in men your husband's age is that they drink too much and it has caught up with them. If you know for a fact, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is not that, then the condition must be serious and medical.

But please do not be surprised or offended if the doctor tells your husband that 8 pints of lager in a single session is a lot and is unusual. Because it is. Or if he asks him why he did not cut down to 2 or 3 pints after the first time it happened. Because it is an entirely reasonable question.

Hi DSM

He doesn't sound like an alcoholic to me - DH and I and all our friends also drank those same amounts whenever out etc, it's normal for some people.

But I have just given up drinking. I've had a bit of stress in my life recently and found that when I was drinking (wine is my drink) I seemed to bypass completely the tipsy having fun stage and go from sober to blurry/heavy headed drunk in 2 glasses of wine.

The hangovers were horrid, i mean not just dehydration and a bad head, but sick, anxious, depressed and it was taking me 2 days to feel better instead of one.

I haven't had a drink now since May and I haven't missed it at all (but then I'm 33 and a SAHM so I don't really have a weekend social life to worry about).

I NEVER thought I could be teetotal. I can't say for sure that I will NEVER drink again either. I want to - I don't want to not be able to, but as soon as I think I fancy a glass of wine, the thought of how it makes me feel is enough to put me off.

I think I've developed a bit of an intolerence, like you can with foods. Wonder if maybe that's your DH's problem?