DP can't handle alcohol anymore

[DSM]

My DP has always been a good drinker, never had any issues. He could hold his own in social situations, would drink quite a lot on a night out, but he's a big man (6'6", 16 stone, rugby player) and if anything, would be unlikely to suffer the adverse affects most people do.

However, of late he's been awful. Getting so drunk he staggers about, slurs his speech, being unaware of his surroundings, talking jibberish.. And on one occassion, been verbally abusive toward me (this took place at home after an evening out together).

He's not drinking any more than he used to, and as of the last few months, has limited himself to only beer, no spirits, in an effort to combat the problem.

This has been going on since January, though we don't drink that often and so there have now been 5 occassions that this has happened.

The final straw came at the weekend, we attended a wedding and he drank fairly moderately, though somehow when we got home, he was so intoxicated he talked jibberish nonsense, and then urinated on the bedroom floor.

He remembers nothing, is obviously deeply apologetic and embarrassed, and has put himself on a complete alcohol ban.

Does anyone have any experience of this sudden change in alcohol tolerance? We're not sure where to go with this, if there is an explanation or solution.

I don't want him to have to give up alcohol entirely, one should be able to enjoy a social drink but currently, this isn't an option.

Any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.

Same thing happened to my DH. His tolerance just got lower as he got older (mid 30s). He had his liver function tested by GP and it was perfectly normal. He now doesn't drink at all and is much happier for it. Says he enjoys feels healthier and more alert in general but also like feeling 100% in control of himself on nights out.

I'd defintiely visit the GP to put both your minds at rest.

Thanks daisy.

Think a trip to the gp might be the way to go.

I definatly think get him to GP, you don't need to be an alcoholic to have liver damage, though 6-8 pints in one sitting is one heck of a bashing (but I do it too) and I would try and steer away from drinking that much in future in one go, liver damage or not - hence suggesting low alcohol or shandy or something. It's either liver damage, just age, just unlucky and got bad beer or something, it reacted with something he forgot he took like a paracetamol or something, or 'something else' is causing him to have lower tolerance. First stop is GP to rule out anything bad IMO. Is wasn't stella or something was it?

I wonder if someone spiked his drink.

Ha ha, no, wasn't Stella.. Was the lovely 4% tennents.

Get him to go the the GP and to emphasis that this is a sudden change in how alcohol affects him. Because it's all very well peddling the AA line when there might be a serious underlying problem that needs medical intervention as well as cutting down on or stopping drinking.

Thanks SGB.

I'll get him to make an appointment and get checked out.

A bit worried, but it's good to hear others think this is the right move, as we were both concerned about wasting GP time.

Thank you.

I think we've established 2 issues now - sudden change in tolerance to alcohol, and what may constitute an alcohol problem. DSM with your background in the licensed trade
I'm sure you know that having a problem with alcohol doesn't solely mean drinking
excessively on a daily basis. And if your dp drinks an average of 8 pints once every few weeks, he is binge drinking, isn't he? Of course this doesn't mean he should be in AA, though some info from Al Anon can't hurt, surely?

However, I don't think that is the main problem. The main issue is of course the sudden change in his tolerance and that is worrying. I think he could well be a candidate for diabetes. He really must get checked out asap - his instincts to see the GP were good imo. And a man who drinks 8 pints - what? just under once a month, on average? - and doesn't get very drunk on it is also highly unusual.

My apologies if any of this seems harsh and critical. I'm not great with words and I do appreciate a question asked on mn can throw up some very, um, interesting new ideas! But it really is worthwhile giving some thought to what many of us have said. Only you know your dh but sometimes it takes a complete outsider to notice something.

He definitely doesn't have a 'drinking problem' in that sense. We go out occassionally, to weddings, birthday celebrations etc, and we both drink at the same rate/level as our friends. I.e., we drink in 'rounds', never at an excessive pace and its never been an issue before. A standard evening would consist of going out around 7, and going home around 2am, and I don't think 7-8 pints in 7 hours is extreme.

When we go out together, say for dinner and a few drinks (also a fairly rare occurrence), he tends not to drink or maybe have one or two beers. I drink wine, and will have around the same in both instances.

However, the issue is with his sudden lack of tolerance. The current plan is that he won't drink again until he's been to see the gp.

We haven't any nights out planned until October now anyway, so it's not a big deal. It's just worrying to see such a drastic change, that's all.

Thanks everyone for all your replies.

I'm a hedonist, more with drugs than alcohol, and seven to eight pints in seven hours is FUCKING LOOOOOAAAAAADS!!!

Chill out with the denial about it being not much, it's a lot.

You are in your late 20s. By the time you are my age (46) you and your friends will see casualties from that level of drinking, take it from me...

And anyway it detracts from the fact your DH's tolerance has changed rapidly. That's the main thing...he could even have developed an allergy to it, alcohol allergies are quite commonplace.

How old is he? My mother started doing this and it turned out to be diabetes.

i am no doctor but diabetes springs to mind, i hope youo can get it sorted.

Coolfonz - i see people day in, day out drinking at this level. People of all ages. Do you really think that people take over an hour to drink a pint of lager? They don't. Believe me. I'm definitely not 'in denial' about his drinking, or it being a lot. I know that a few months ago, he could drink 8 pints and be tipsy, and now he is losing complete control.

It's not about admittance of what one can consume, or others opinions on it being too much.

Colditz - he is 28. Would there not be other symptoms if it were diabetes? Not sure what to look out for.

"Neither myself, nor dp do anything because 'everyone else is doing it'. His tolerance to alcohol has changed dramatically and suddenly, with no obvious reason which is why I am posting."

I am not here to judge whether your husband drinks too much or not - but I can tell you that, if he IS drinking too much, it is quite possible for a previously high tolerance to "give out" quite suddenly so that even quite small amounts of alcohol (small, that is, for the drinker concerned) can hit you quite hard.

Obviously, the first step is to check out if there are any medical issues - but don't rule out the problem drinking hypothesis.

Also, you say you know he doesn't drink much because he is with you - but, hand on heart, could you guarantee that he is not "topping up" on the sly (getting in an extra pint or a double short and sinking it at the bar; drinking from a hip flask or miniatures when you are out of sight; ordering Stella and calling it Fosters; etc)?

PS I AM a (male) alcoholic. Although I did drink daily, he drinks about what I drank in a session.

I stopped at 28.

Just to say that in my circles growing up and in early 20's 8 pints on a night out was normal. For a significant part of society it is for many ages.

"For a significant part of society it is for many ages."

I would dispute that. I think it's very UNusual, special occasions aside, for the majority of people who have work the next day.

And it gets rarer the older you get because sustained heavy drinking kills a lot of the contenders.

I'm afraid I agree with Climber Chick, a lot of men I knew when younger ( and some women)would drink 6 - 9 pints on weekend. That's not to say that I think it's "normal".
I remember collage friends saying that their boyfriends came home and peed in the wardrobe and that was last centuary sometime!

Yes - WHEN YOUNGER! But once work kicks in, and the age of 25 (at which point hangovers stop being a laugh) passes, this becomes much rarer.

Miflaw - yes, I can honestly say, hand on heart with no problem whatsoever, that he is not slyly sneaking extra drinks in. 100% certain.

And, he doesn't ever drink when he has work the next day? Not sure where that came from but we go out on Friday or Saturday nights, as it's always for events such as a birthday or wedding, noone we know celebrates these times midweek.

And if drinking 8 pints on one night every 6-8 weeks or so constitutes a drinking problem to the point of considering alcoholism, then I need a word with all my friends.

I can absolutely see why you dont think he has a problem with drink - and of course you're probably right, you know him (although "problem" could just mean bad habit rather than some dependancy issue) but I wonder what he will do if the Dr finds no underlying problem to cause his reaction? Carry on as before and just accept that his tolerance is on the wane? Also, why did you choose Relationships to post in as opposed to, say, General Health?

My DH (large chap!) can drink 8 pints on a night out and not lose the plot , he just told me. He's in his forties and it hasn't changed with age. Luckily he doesn't go out very often

I've asked him this. He says if there is nothing actually wrong, then he'll have to accept that he plain and simple can't handle it anymore, and will not drink, or have a small limit (say, one or two pints). That will come with time though.

Also, I don't know why I posted in relationships, should have gone in health really..

I still think the GP is the first stop - as if the GP says 'You just need to cut down/give up drinking,' well then the bloke can deal with it, but if there is something wrong (whether or not the drinking caused it) that needs additional medical intervention, sooner is better than later ie if he 'just stops drinking' but he happens to be developing diabetes (as some people have suggested) then he will need proper medical help, not group therapy, to deal with that.

There is a lot of undiagnosed diabetes about. This website might help www.diabetes.org.uk/Guide-to-diabetes/Introduction-to-diabetes/Signs_and_symptoms/