I have to be OK with this don't I?

[hidetheelephant]

DP usually goes out with the boys on a Friday night. He hasn't said otherwise so today when he was at work I text him and said, are you seeing the lads tomorrow night, cos I was going to arrange to go for a meal with one of my friends if I wasn't seeing him.

He replied saying that no he wasn't, he was going to his ex's leaving do for a couple of drinks then going home and then asked if I minded.

I'm going to have to grit my teeth and say I don't mind aren't I.

I suppose what does make me mind is a) he hates her for what she did to him and says she was a complete bitch, so why is he going and b) would he have mentioned it to me if I hadn't asked what he was doing and just presumed he would be out with his friends as would be usual for a friday night.

Well, if you DO mind, shouldn't you be honest about it? I don't think that it needs to be an argument - but perhaps if you just talk to him about how it makes you feel?

How about you say

I do mind you going, I don't know why it bothers me, but of course you would never say he couldn't go

and hope that he reassures you.

Me might not have said something because he has no feelings for her or he might not because he would expect you to flip. Think about which it might be.

1. I'm assuming he works with his ex otherwise it would be v odd?

2.Ask him why he's going as you thought he hated her? It could be that he's just friends with the other people going and wants to have a drink with them

why didn't he invite you along?

The fact that he's told you suggests it's all perfectly innocent.

Otherwise he'd have said he was going out with his friends as usual.

I'd also admit to minding a bit, but not stopping him & hope he has a good time. Presumably he knows other people who'll be there? It's not like they're going for an intimate dinner alone.

Yes I would mind him going to be honest because if it is perfectly innocent then why haven't you been invited?

If she is someone that he works with then I suppose that with works leaving dos then partners aren't usually invited and he might just show his face and then just go home.

If you are thinking of going out with your friend anyway then why don't you just arrange to meet up with him later to give yourself peace of mind.

It's a work thing so I wouldn't expect to be invited. I doubt other partners are going as they are going straight from work.

If it was you, would mind? Am I being silly?

Oh and he's the boss so that's another reason why I suppose he feels he should show his face?

Oh, good lord, of course he does. If he cut it out because they used to be an item - it makes him look like a horrid boss and an emotional wimp. Sorry, it's no longer an "i'm sure it's okay", being the boss means it's a "Got to go".

Anyway, she's leaving - hurrah! Celebrate

Yes unfortunately with him being the boss then he will have to go, whether you or he likes it or not.

I wouldn't want him to go at all but I would understand it was a duty of the job but I would definitely meet him afterwards to relieve any worries or answer any questions otherwise I would probably sit at home stewing.

I know it sounds stupid but up until a few minutes ago I had completely forgot he was the boss

So he's got to go I can see that now I've remembered. Should I still be honest and tell him my reason b) for minding or should I just forget about it?

Well, do you still mind despite thinking about it in terms of him being the boss?

Not so much now. I was going to see him tonight so perhaps it's a last minute thing been arranged and he was going to tell me tonight?