Talk to me about commitment phobia

[hobbgoblin]

I am going to have to move away to get away from the torture of a 3 year on/off relationship with one DD involved plus 6 siblings (step and half siblings).

Are there any books on dealing with commitment phobia in long term partners?

Wellll, there's 'He's Just Not That Into You', which I know sounds like a harsh title, but it is actually quite positive, asking you to accept that he isn't worth your efforts and to believe in better. But I don't think it's really targeted at relationships that have children, so maybe not. Hope someone will know of a good book.

(I like it though, because it basically trashes the idea of 'commitment phobia', a term which makes what IME is usually fecklessness and selfishness sound like some sort of respectable condition that we women should make allowances for.)

oh yes selfishness is a major factor, i wasn't properly linking the two!

There is no such thing as commitment phobia.

What you need is a book that will disabuse you of the notion that there is.

IMO everybody chooses commitments. There's commitment to a relationship, to a cause, to one's family, to oneself, to a job, a religion, etc. Most people manage to commit to several important things at once. Some only manage one. That is generally the case of an addict or otherwise malfunctioning individual.

As with an addiction: You didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it. You can feel sad about it and walk away to freedom ...

... you might be better off with a book about co-dependency?

pondering this, thank you.

I'm trying to figure out what you mean Grace. I love your take on things :)

Cripes, I didn't realise I'd been that cryptic! How are you getting along, hobgoblin?