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Original poster

Men going for younger women

92 replies

Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:02

I'm now at that age where I notice my male friends only consider dating ladies ten or more years younger than themselves. I'm married, so have no real need to be concerned, but my DH's single friends will all expect me to buddy up with these ladies and I'm starting to feel like a bloody fossil! I don't want to mix with 20 somethings as I'm pushing 40. When the boys all beging talking about football I'll be expected to 'bond' with them - they will think I'm a relic! Why don't men find women their own age interesting and attractive? I know dating younger women is an age old practice for men, but it's just beginning to hit home that this is how it's going to be from now on. My social circle seem to be really 'bad' for this - the latest is that my 42 friend is dating a 26 year old. Come on - I can understand it to a certain extent, but I'm beginning to feel as if it's the norm rather than the exception nowadays.

OP posts:
fuschiagroan · 27/08/2010 23:03

Biology and status.

Plus it is also possible for people with an age gap to have a meaningful relationship.

Original poster
Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:07

I'm really not saying it's not possible for them to have a meaningful relationship, however they could also have a meaningful relationship with someone their own age. They are putting youth n' beauty before compatibility IMHO.

However I suppose there is a distinct lack of 30 somethings as many are already taken.

OP posts:
fuschiagroan · 27/08/2010 23:10

If it was equally possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone your own age, or with someone young and hot (or whatever is supposed to float the female boat - tall and rich compared to short and poor, maybe? Massive generalisation for the sake of argument), wouldn't you go for the best option?

ThePlanningCommittee · 27/08/2010 23:11

Younger women are more likely to lack self-confidence and thus more likely to put up with 'kidult' bullshit behaviour in 30+ men.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:14

'They are putting youth n' beauty before compatibility IMHO.'

That sounds a bit like sour grapes, though, tbh.

People mature at different rates, have goals or things they consider important at varying ages, and often their choice of a mate reflects that.

Plenty of older women, for example, don't want to date men their own age because they feel such men often have too much 'baggage'.

Still others don't want to go out with men who have young children, particulary if they're finished childbearing themselves, so go out with men older than themselves who are more likely to be past the young child stage as well, or don't want anymore children.

What on Earth isn't it possible to 'bond' with or have friends of varying ages?

BitOfFun · 27/08/2010 23:15

PlanningCommittee has it, I think.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:16

or maybe they just happened to hook up with someone younger/older?

there are plenty of women on this board who have partners or husbands 10 or more years older and have perfectly reasonable relationships with their partners/husbands.

and plenty of women here with partners or husband 10+ years younger!

Original poster
Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:17

God, I am having a really bad mid life crisis. I think I might have to start another thread.

But no, I understand your point, but none of these relationships are so far meaningful as much as I can see. Not one of them have so far resulted in anything over and above dating for a few months. It just looks pretty shallow from where I'm standing.

Really, my point is, what is wrong with women of a certain age? Why do men just shut down from women once they've passed 32? I expect it to a certain point, but I didn't think the 'sell by' date would be quite so brutal!

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:17

I disagree, BOF and Planning, and think that's a sweeping generalisation.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:19

'Why do men just shut down from women once they've passed 32? I expect it to a certain point, but I didn't think the 'sell by' date would be quite so brutal!'

They don't. Must just be the kind of men you're hanging out with.

My husband is nearly 7 years younger than I am.

I'm 39. He's 32. We met when I was 31.

His sister's engaged to a 24-year-old.

She's 31.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:20

Plenty of women on this board enjoying brief relationships and dating on this board that probably look pretty shallow to some.

It's all about the human experience, IMO.

Original poster
Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:22

Expat - my point is that the men I know are NOT dating women across a broad range of ages. They are ONLY dating women 10 years younger than them. It's like the cut off is imposed at early 30s. If one or two of my male friends were dating women the same age or - god forbid - older then it wouldn't even have occured to me that there is this trend going on.

Maybe it's just in my social circle that this is happening disproportionatly and the men that I know are not representative.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 27/08/2010 23:22

It is a generalisation, you're right. But it does apply to many knobbers rather than all men.

fuschiagroan · 27/08/2010 23:22

They don't all shut down on women over 32 or whatever. Some do, though. I think anyone who has a major issue with being with a woman past her mid-thirties does have a bit of an issue though. I have known a couple.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:23

sounds like the circle you're hanging in, tbh.

Original poster
Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:24

Expat - You're right I think it is the men I hang out with. Also, in reflection I don't actually know one woman over the age of 35 who is not hitched or betrothed so maybe they are kind of hard to come by!

OP posts:
LordPanofthePeaks · 27/08/2010 23:25

it is a bit of a Brit hang up as well - in other countries they don't get so much upset about age gaps. Brits are def. narrow in lots of important views on life.
eg France - older/younger partnerships raise few eyebrows. Or in Spain, or I guess most non-Anglo Saxon countries.

Eurostar · 27/08/2010 23:25

If these blokey friends don't find their girlfriends interesting enough to talk to when they're out and they just talk football among the blokes, expecting the girls to entertain each other, what's the point of all going out together in the first place? Are we back in the days where the women retired while the men stayed together to smoke cigars and drink port while talking of men things?

Not all men only date younger women but sounds like you're in a circle of men who aren't much interested in women beyond something to look pretty on their arm and have sex with.

mamatomany · 27/08/2010 23:26

My MIL got divorced in her 70's, her XDH was the same age, he joined a dating service but didn't want to meet in his words any grey haired old ladies, thought he could still pull a 40 year old in his 70's.

Hilarious, I think most men haven't a clue if they are a 5,6,7 (old and average, not gorgeous) but if they are a 9 or 10 my god do they know it.

ThePlanningCommittee · 27/08/2010 23:28

Expat - as much as the circle you hang in is an exception to the rule?

My point stands - all the relationships you refer to cite older women with younger men - the dynamic is very different, ime.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:29

I don't hang out in any circle, Planning.

But if I were in some circle where men expected the women to all 'bond' whilst they watching footie I'd find a new one to hang with no matter what their ages.

BelleDameSansMerci · 27/08/2010 23:30

I date a much younger man because I don't like the "bagginess" of older men rather than the baggage... Grin

I am joking - can you imagine if a man said that?

I can see all sides to this one. I generally like men who are now in their mid to late 30s. I'm nearly 45. I find men my own age are more sexist and have a problem with me earning more than them (which is often the case) whereas men in their 30s seem to be more accepting of women in general. They're grown-up enough to be men and young enough to believe in equality. I'm generalising, of course.

I imagine it's the same for men but for different reasons?

Original poster
Popzie · 27/08/2010 23:32

Euro - yes I'm afraid that is the case in my (imposed through marriage) social circle. It is very shallow. However, my brother is 40 and going out with a 32 year old so is not much better. My dad is six years older than my mum. I only know one man who is younger than his wife.

Mama - that is just it isn't it? 30 year old men want 20 year olds, 40 year old men want 30 year olds, and every other man wants 40 year olds.

I guess it's just dawning on me because I've always dated - or attracted - men who are either my own age or younger. I've not been prepared for men my own age to think I'm over the hill. It's a bit sad to be honest - as I said I'm not too concerned because I'm married - but it does translate to general socialising because you're written off even before you're 40. The law of the jungle dictates it seems.

OP posts:
ThePlanningCommittee · 27/08/2010 23:34

Confused totally phased over 'bonding over footie'

Am I missing something?

expatinscotland · 27/08/2010 23:36

I don't see six years as a really big age gap, tbh, unless we're talking about a 16-year-old with a 22-year-old.