Just found out DH is hiv positive... I am 30 weeks pregnant, a mess and need a holding hand.

[verybadnews]

Obviously I have name changed for this thread purpose.

DH is my husband of 4 years. We have one child together and expecting another one. He has been admitted to a hospital for not feeling well and yesterday, we were told, he has HIV. Nobody can tell for how long he has it. Could be many years, could be few months. Obviously I was in shock and completely devastated, and I am now, but thinking that he is coming from an African background (move from highly infected African country 6 years ago) is not that uncommon? Stupid me, I never requested to for him to get tested before falling in love? I knew almost nothing about hiv?

I was immediately tested myself, I came out negative (as I came out negative during routine pregnancy tests before, so never had any worry) but need to be retested for the next 2 months or so. I am scared to death, I am going to be retested every week now because I am pregnant (in case the baby needs protection), I can?t tell to anyone even a close friend, I am terrified.

When I heard the news yesterday I started crying and just walked out of the hospital, and haven?t texted or called since. DH is keeping quite. I know he is devastated too, maybe even more than me. I was trying to think if I can fault him in cheating during our relationship, no there is nothing there. I have trust in him that he has not cheated. Still, I am so scared. What I am going to do? In the best scenario, if I and children come out negative, what I am supposed to do? I feel so sorry for him, he must be so lonely in a hospital, and it is probably a victim of hiv from long time ago, but I honestly don?t know what to do. I need support as pregnant, he needs support as infected, we both silently shocked, probably we don?t need any life-changing decisions now, but I am going insane what will happen to my, childrens and our future?

Sorry this is a sad thread?

Decent people get HIV. The only people that get HIV are those that have shared needles or had unprotected vaginal or anal sex.

There is an American website that you can go on, just search HIV forum. You can talk to a professional and look up threads that will be similar to yours. It's a brilliant website and it will give you peace of mind.

As far as I know, your child will continue to be tested and will only be confirmed as negative at one years old. I think it has something to do with babies still using anti bodies from their mother until that age. I could be very wrong though.

HIV is considered to be a chronic illness these days. Health professionals consider Diabetes to be harder to treat than the two.

If you continue your marriage, your husband will be put on mess that will lower his count to so little that he will become undetectable. He will always remain positive.

Once he becomes undetectable you can continue to have unprotected sex and have more children in the old fashioned way.

If his count was high at the time of testing, in the millions, then it's highly likely that infection was recent.

And vice versa.

The website I suggested will be able to answer all these questions and more.

Rtft, oddsocks

What did I miss?

I am so sorry to hear this, it must be an awful shock for you and terribly frightening. I just wanted to add that my uncle was diagnosed HIV +ive back in the 80's when it was a death sentence, he was in and out of hospital with pneumonia etc. and he lost his partner, but it is totally, totally different now and he is totally healthy and fit on his medication and has been for many years. There is no need to tell people if you are afraid of their reactions, but no one thinks any the worse of my uncle at all, it's just and illness like any other.

Please don't post until you have read the full thread, including the most recent updates

Oh lovely
It really will be ok.
I know someone who could've written your post about 10 years ago. Her dc is thriving. She is doing fine too (is + but barely affected on antiviral meds). Decent? I have hardly met anyone 'naicer' .

Crikey op, what a journey. Glad you and the kiddies are ok.

Thank you for the update. You sound so grounded. I'm quite sure you have much love and luck ahead of you.