The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Next Stop Sobriety!

[Mouseface]

Hello, welcome to thread number six!!

I'm Mouse and, thanks to these threads, I quit the booze on August 2nd 2010.

This truly is a fantastic source of support for anyone who wants it! Full of real, honest, everyday people who are all at different stages of quitting the booze, cutting down or being long term sober.

There are no judgmental 'know-it-alls' here, whatever your circumstances, you will be supported all the way.

Come and meet the rest of The Brave Babes........

And, as before, here are the previous five threads for those who would like to see how this all began.

JWN's original thread (the reason we are all here)

Thread two

Thread three

Thread four

Thread five

maddogs - can you spend the day organising work for Monday? Take the pressure off yourself but make sure you are all set for next week.

Mouse - thanks, we have had a second poo joke but its descended into tears. Its very hard to be positive with her on this but I am trying. We tell her we are so proud of her when she does go and try to encourage her positively but more often than not the poor thing is sobbing yelling 'no poo poo' and doing everything she can to physically stop herself, which makes it worse ... sorry for poo hijack. Its just incredible how it impacts on life - some weekends we don't leave the house because she is so upset and wound up about it all. Or it makes her ill and she just lies on the sofa, wiped out. Anyway, hope you have a nice time oop north. I am a northerner living dahn sarf and I do miss it (although I tend to recoil when strangers start chatting to me).

Red - how are you doing today?

Lots of odd noises coming from upstairs. She is either assembling flat pack furniture or throwing everything she can get her hands on ...

Miflaw, he did the very equivalent of jumping out of a window. What I find interesting about that one was that he was phenomenally rich. Not a down and out with no future. He could have just spent his life huntin, shootin, fishin, or ski-ing or something, or been a womaniser. It was a suicide.

MsGee

Keep taking her into the loo with you. Normalise the situation. Show her it doesn't hurt. And whoever else is happy to let her in with them. It's soul detroying seeing your child in pain, upset and scared.

Take it slowly. Do you stay with her when she needs to go? Maybe read a story? Sing songs? Even do a 'reward chart'? I'm sorry I can't help more. I wish she wasn't scared.

Red

Not started to pack yet....... DS has finally given in to sleep after being up all night. It's sunny here now. Makes me smile!

It was not me who is the proud holder of 3 weeks sobriety - was it maddogs? But I totally agree with what you are saying MIFLAW!

I am good thanks MsGee, ready for the long weekend! I am so sorry you are having such a tricky time with DD at the moment. And I hope she has built something useful up there

"Miflaw, he did the very equivalent of jumping out of a window."

I have to disagree with you. Jumping out of the window is surely shorthand for suicide.

Who, if they were serious about suicide, would not get it over and done with immediately?

only people who want to be found in time and saved from themselves do that. It may have ended up being a suicide - but it sounds to me more like a cry for help that wasn't loud enough.

Or rather was loud enough but went along the lines of, "please, someone, help me! Oh, but not like that - that doesn't sound my sort of thing AT ALL. Can't you help me in some more interesting and attractive way? No? Erm, anyone else? Anyone?"

Mouse, will definitely do that. Will discuss with DH tonight. I am thinking that a reward chart might help. I'm also going to go back to docs or see a Health Visitor as its getting worse. Not helped by the fact that she is getting more and more restrictive in what she eats. I do stay with her when she goes, hold her hand if need be. I also try to encourage her to go in the bath as she is happier with that (I can now catch poo, not a skill I ever envisaged developing). Anyway, sorry for thread hijack. I know that this problem is small fry in the big picture!

You can talk about anything you want here MsGee. The problem with DD is something that causes you stress. Far better to talk about here than decide to 'de-stress' by having a drink. Argh!!

MsGee

Not at all 'small fry' if this is something that could make you pick up a drink. Get help, as much help as you can with this. It's not fair on any of you. GP and HV are great starts.

Afternoon everyone. I am off to destress by meeting dd2 in town. Will probably involve shopping which will stress my credit card.

Hope you all have a great weekend if I don't see you before. Mouse, enjoy you time away. Here (way beyond 'oop north') it is warm and sunny. I shall send it your way.

Miflaw, I was never a big drinker of spirits, and I think, from what I have seen and heard that they are a different order of compulsion. I drank wine, and most people here seem to drink wine, rather than spirits.
Nothing would make me drink whisky. To a shisky drinker, just continuing to drink might be more attractive and less messy than jumping through a window. The window metaphor was what he told Don about aa. I wasn't there. Don was trying to help and was there in that capacity. If it's any help, this whole story doesn't make sense to me either.

X posted Red!!!!! Great minds and all that!

Apols for typos and/or double posting. shishy! Computer problems that will be solved when I buy a new one.

mouse

I never drank whiskey. Doesn't make me any less of an alkie. It just wasn't my poison of choice, and I was at least lucky to be in a position where I still had a choice.

Wine, gin , vodka. I'd have taken any of those in any quantities. I think a few others on here would too.

venus - have a lovely afternoon. Don't get too broke!

My preference for booze was white wine or vodka. So mixture of wine and spirits here. Once I started drinking though anything alcoholic was fair game even those drinks I professed to dislike!

venus - thank you for the good weather! Have a great time with DD2.

This is a better list of resources than my last one. If you don't fancy aa, you do not need to either jump out of a window or whisky yourself to death. You could look at these.

LifeRing Secular Recovery LifeRing is a network of support groups for people who want to be free of alcohol and addictive drugs. They are a group for people who have learned through experience that the only solution that works is to abstain completely. They see the power to get clean and sober inside each person. Through the positive reinforcement of the group process, that power becomes dominant in each person and enables them to lead clean and sober lives. The website provides information about the group, including frequently asked questions, publications, an online forum area for support, and links to local meetings.

Moderation Management Moderation Management (MM) is a behavioral change program and national support group network for people concerned about their drinking and who desire to make positive lifestyle changes. MM empowers individuals to accept personal responsibility for choosing and maintaining their own path, whether moderation or abstinence. MM promotes early self-recognition of risky drinking behavior, when moderate drinking is a more easily achievable goal. The website provides information about the organization as well as links to live meetings, online support options, and tools/publications for assessing and managing your drinking.

advertisement

Rational Recovery Rational Recovery is a worldwide source of counseling, guidance, and direct instruction on self-recovery from addiction to alcohol and other drugs through planned, permanent abstinence. The group believes that individuals are on their own in staying sober, so there are no meetings or treatment centers as part of the approach. The website provides information about the method (Addictive Voice Recognition Technique® (AVRT®)), frequently asked questions, free information for those trying to stay sober, as well as their families, and information about subscription based services.

Recovery, Inc. Recovery, Inc. is a self-help mental health program based on the work of their founder a neuropsychiatrist, the late Abraham A. Low, M.D. Recovery, Inc. offers its members a free method to regain and maintain their mental health and the program is designed to work in conjunction with professional mental health services. The website provides information and background about the group, links to resources for group members and professionals, forum boards for discussions/support, and a directory of the over 700 group meetings in the U.S. and several other countries.

Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS) SOS is an alternative recovery method for those alcoholics or drug addicts who are uncomfortable with the spiritual content of widely available 12-Step programs. SOS takes a secular approach to recovery and maintains that sobriety is a separate issue from religion or spirituality. The website provides more information about the organization, including the history and brochures about the group, as well as links to live meetings around the world.

Smart Recovery SMART Recovery® (Self-Management And Recovery Training) helps people recover from all types of addictive behaviors, including: alcoholism, drug abuse, substance abuse, drug addiction, alcohol abuse, gambling addiction, cocaine addiction, and addiction to other substances and activities. SMART Recovery® offers free face-to-face and online mutual help groups. The website provides more information about the group, as well as links to the 300+ face-to-face meetings offered around the world, 16+ online meetings per week and their online message board for additional support.

Women for Sobriety, Inc. Women For Sobriety, Inc. is a non-profit organization dedicated to helping women overcome alcoholism and other addictions. Their "New Life" program is based upon a Thirteen Statement Program of positivity that encourages emotional and spiritual growth. The website provides additional information about the group, the thirteen statements of the program, and links to find groups in your area.

Every little helps!

thanks, I find everything to do with DD stressful sometimes! We have now given up on naptime for the day and she is watching a disney film.

I drank wine, or beer. both on a weekend. when i was younger and in self destruct mode i would drink till there was nothing left in the house. if that meant vodka or whiskey or gin, so be it, by that point in the proceedings it didn't really matter.

When i was younger it was a form of suicide and I mixed alcohol with bouts of depression. Some days I did it in the hope that I just wouldn't wake up, or that when drunk I'd have the guts to do the job properly. When I got through the depression the alcohol remained though.

msgee,your poor little love!, dont worry about hijacking, someone here may have the most brilliant advice for you - i think i would go with mouse - dont mention pooing, just reward her when she finally does go - easier said than done of course, my friend had a little one who 'wouldnt eat', child didnt starve to death, but mum nearly became a nervous wreak over it, they certainly know which buttons to press!!, little darlings!

forthe - i never drank lighter fluid, dosent make me any less of an alkie than a person who does! - may i say, you do seem to over analyise this illness - if you want to stop, find any fucking method that works for you, thats all any of us try and do!

sorry x posted forevery!

Would add this thread to the list of resources. Its my lifeline at the moment.

thanks JWN, mouse has had some good advice. I am lucky in that DD is 'robust' so I try not to worry about her not eating properly. If she lives on tinned ravioli and beans for a while it won't be the end of the world.

As our discussion said a few days ago understanding why we behave like twats is one thing but its meaningless if we don't stop behaving like one.

venus - take a deep breath, hold out the credit card and remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!! , see you in debtors prison!, maybe our dds will bring us a cake with a file in it!! (but only if we pay for it! )

JWN

'if you want to stop, find any fucking method that works for you, thats all any of us try and do!'

Spot on.

"from what I have seen and heard that they are a different order of compulsion." Again, not my experience - all the alcoholics I know drank with the same degree of compulsion, regardless of their chosen beverage.

Here's what I mean. It's very easy for any of us to come the big I am and say, "I'd rather jump through a window than go to AA." But only people who are genuinely serious about suicide ever do jump through windows, or off cliffs, or in front of tube trains, or off the Hungerford Bridge - because, once you're launched, there really is no going back. Put one foot forward and put your weight behind it and you're already as good as dead.

Whereas people who kill themselves through drinking - be it whisky, wine, jake or Brut 33 - are drinking (ironically enough) "just for today". Maybe tomorrow they will have a better day. Maybe they will wake up and just not think about a drink. Maybe switching from red wine to white (or, indeed, from Brut to Blue Stratos) will do the trick and they will remember how to moderate their drinking and stop after one or two. But for today, they need a drink, because X and Y and Z. Big talk may cover it up (as James Brown puts it, "talking loud and saying nothing") but it won't change facts.

And then, one day, it kills them. It happened to Peter Cook, it happened to George Best and it happens to others.

Do you honestly believe that the last thought through George Best's head as he lay, yellow, in a hospital bed, was; "thank fuck I preserved my integrity by leaving AA? What a waste of time THAT would have been!"

So, as I say, I accept the self-inflicted diagnosis - but I don't think it is usually a suicide in the voluntary sense of that word.

Incidentally, I never drank aftershave. But then I was lucky only only ever to have to make the choice between aftershave and wine, rather than aftershave or nothing.

Forthe

Incidentally, have you googled the success rates of those alternatives to AA, as you encouraged people to do concerning AA itself?

That might be useful to people trying to choose, if you have and you could post them.