Wife left me with 5 kids . .

[ozzywiz]

I am gonna jump in among the enimies here lol . . . .

Lets see how the mothers explain my wifes actions and if they can be justified . ..

We were happily married for 12 years . . day before our 12th anniversary my wife asked me to move out of the matrimonial home as she had slept with somone else . . in her words she did this because he gave her attention and I didnt.

I left for about 30 mins and then went back and told her that if anyone should leave it should be her as I had nothing wrong and she was the one who wanted the marriage to end and not me and she was the one who commited adultry... I said why should I lose me home and kids . . .

She then left . . didnt see her for like 2 weeks then she came seeing the kids hardly ever . . .

It has now been 9 weeks and ive been on my own with the 5 kids .... the kids are doing brill and ive implemented loads of positive changes in their lives . .

2 weeks ago I received a letter from her sols asking if I would be willing to move out of the home as she wants to move in with the kids..... i replied through my sol that the kids better off with me so im going nowere. . .

She now sent a letter asking for contact to be reinstated asking for 5 days a week qwhich is crazy coming from a none resident parent expecially one who walked out on their kids. ....

She moved in with this guy she slept with and is still with him to my knowledge . .

So my only thought is she doesnt care about her kids and what kind of woman leaves her 5 kids and one at the timje being 10 months old. . i think she is nentally ill . . so please any insight you ladies have on this please share. . i promise to answer truthfully if you have any questions. . .

you don't give up, do you?

As someone who refers to women as "enimies", why the hell do you want us to pass judgement on your wife for you?

See, it's much easier to read with paragraph breaks isn't it?

U r totally in the right and u should stand you'r ground.

The "enemies" statement was op being funny, don't take it personally.

u r a wonderful man who is strong and obviously capable to provide and care well for ur children and any court in the land would be insane to let her anywhere near ur kids.

good luck

Good luck to you. Woman as just as capable as men of being totally bastards and it is one of the weakness of Mumsnet (in my opinion) that too many posters cannot accept this simple fact.

gosh another "wronged man" posting...complete with sock puppets too

Nentally ill people make enimies all the time.

Much more common than people think.

Does/did she have pnd?

Stand your ground, but how do the kids feel about not seeing her, surely they miss her and some contact would be good?

yabvu.

you will hurt your children more in the long term if you actually prevent contact with their mother.

although feel like i am missing something here and that this is a poss troll.

Troll bait from AnyFucker will be ignored except to say I am relieved she has confirmed what I posted at 08:02

Although this probably is a troll, I do know somebody who recently had this happen. Correct number of kids too. Just saying it could happen.

so , she's walked out , she must be mentally ill? you sound charming

i think it would be in the children's best interest to have contact with their mother, especially if their father is so bitter, understandably if she wlaked out and had an affair but you can't punish the children for that

plenty of men walk out , should they never see their children again?

you need mediation and to work through all these issues with impartial 3rd parties

Ok first apologies for the enimies it was meant to be a joke that I am posting in the lions den to try to understand the other side lol.

I also do not understand what a troll is and to whom said I dont give up if you meen in my kids then no I dont.

Regarding contact then yes I have begged her over and over to have contact with her kids and I have just sent a solicitors letter asking her to have 2 full days a week.

What was the comment on paragraphs all about lol . . sorry typing fast as you can all imagine its busy with 5 kiddies and little comp time lol. .

Every parent should see and maintain a relationship with their children regardless of sex unless violence etc is involved and it is not in our circumstance.

I am not stating she is mentally ill but asking you guys for advise... facts is our children was neglected before she left and the irrational behaviour of a mother leaving her kids to move in with a fella she only known a few weeks when she was previously a devoted mum does make concider this as an option.

Oh Tegan thanks for the support but she is their mother and should be allowed near her kids . . through this I believe I am the best parent for the children but contact has to be re-established and even in time work towards a shared residency etc . . .

I am sorry you are going through this, I am sure it brings up all sorts of deep hurtful feelings

without passing judgement in your particular situation I would just say in all relationships it takes 2 and it is good to be self reflective, at least at some point, although I expect you are hurting

however for the benefit of the children it is perhaps a good idea to settle down separate your feelings and facilitate some kind of arrangement for access/ contact, she is still their mother, no matter how wrong she may be

as I said not assigning blame of judgement as I obviously don't know the situation or the people involved
you can of course be a wonderful, nurturing and caring parent as all men can be

best of luck

and btw reasons as to why people behave the way they do, who knows? background? circumstances? sometimes not worth dwelling

Children need their mother (and their father) and you should certainly never attempt to stop them from seeing her whenever they want to.

There have been a lot of posters trolling on here in the past couple of days (by trolling I mean posting made-up stories in order to wind people up and get a response).

If you're genuine, I would say that it sounds like you're doing a good job in a hard situation. I would question however why you are blaming your wife for neglecting the children previously, when you say you are looking after them well now. If you are a resident parent, the children being neglected is your fault as well surely?

If she has been the primary carer up to now, she doesn't necessarily forfeit the right to have custody of the children because she has left you. I am not a lawyer but I would think that they would look at the welfare of the kids (including the baby), who has had primary caring responsibility before etc. Having an affair doesn't make her an unfit mother.

There must be something going on in her mind for her to do something like this.

I wonder if she gave you any indication before she the whole thing kicked off about her being unhappy in the relationship. Can you think of any incidents / indication she gave you that she was unhappy?

On the other hand, some people are rubbish at dealing with their emotions (like me for instance) and bottle everything up and then just explode and when we do explode the consequences can be quite upsetting.

It is always sad when marriages come to an end and it doesn't sound like she will make things easy for you. I think you maybe need a more appropriate support network - have you tried fathersforjustice?

I am genuine and no other motives for posting on here than curious on others opinions for the benifit of the kiddies.

I had no idea she was unhappy but looking back I can certainly see how things were not right for both of us in the sense of lack of communication and just plodding on like robots at times . . She is a quiet shy type that never really argued in the 12 year marriage and never really complained...

I do have a huge support network with a few fathers clubs so not looking for anyone to pass judgement on a situation that you only have one side.

Elephant you are right I was the resident parent then and now so shared responsibility meens shared failings . . however I could not be in control of a lot when I was at work etc..... the house was in a state as she sat on facebook all the time . . seriously it was post natal depression as a fact but she would never admit that or recognise it . . she had no motivation to do anything. .

Just to clarify I have never stopped her seeing her kids and never would they need to see her. . . she has chose to have hardly any contact in 9 weeks.

The good news is we are in mediation soon although ive no clue what to expect there lol.

so without you knowing her it is impossible to answer but my question is why would a mother walk out on her 5 kids one being only 10 months old. . ?

oooh - cool.

Is she a mumsnetter?

why do think men do it OP?

Duel I wouldnt know the answer to this as no contact for 9 weeks but I doubt it... she is only interested in facebook. .

Elephant I cannot answer this as you cant about my wife. all I can say is that it is somthing that I could never do . . children are inocent and need both parents and any father who does not put them first is bordering emotional abuse to their kids and the same statement for mothers.

I am sure im in the same position as a lot of mothers on here . . at home with 5 kids all under 10 year old and it is hard and a struggle but its worth it and wouldnt have it any other way . . If I didnt do it im sure they would be in care now . . .

Yeah it is hard and a struggle being left with the kids, but you do what you have to and be civil about it.

By this I mean, maintaining contact with both parents regardless of if your wife is being a girly wanker in the meantime.

I do hope the children are not being used as pawns in this breakup as that would be unfair on them.