Feel like a big fat lump. Can't remeber the last time DP gave me any attention.

[moozoboozo]

We haven't had sex in ages, he just gets into bed and doesn't evn kiss me goodnight anymore. I don't get compliments. All I am, I think, is a skivvy. I look after DS, clean the house and go to work. I have come quite close to walking out a few times, but I don't want that. I just want to be, well, noticed once in a while. I often joke that if I donned cricket whites or a football strip and grew testicles I'd get more attention, but that's probably pretty close to the truth.

Anyone have any idea how I can improve things? We used to have such a good reationship, but lately things just feel like an uphill struggle. I suffer from PND, and this is really not helping.

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Yep, he just rolls over and moans about how tired he is.

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Can you book a weekend away somewhere?

Arrange for him to have a massive lie in on Saturday morning, then Sat night get put kids to bed, make something nice or get a takeaway but light candles, dress up and tell him you want a romantic meal for 2 with him and then an early night.

Buy some massage oil and give him a massage and see where it leads.

I know this is all about you making him feel good but I can't see him suddenly turning it on you unless you take the lead. Don't push him, be subtle.

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Moozoboozo, how genuine is the tired excuse?
DP gets so annoyd at me when i spur his advances and say i am tired but I am genuinely exhausted.

Ggglimpopo is right, trying to fit it in before bed is a good idea, if you can make sure it doesn't feel pre-planned and in a time slot.
I always say to my DP, if he helped me out more in the evenings getting DD bathed, fed and to bed, then with our dinner, cleaning up afterwards etc, i wouldnt be so knackered all the time.

Tell him you 2 need a night out together. My dh and I went to a hotel last weekend, saw a show and had a meal. It must have been the first time in ages I got to have a bath and not a quick shower. It was lovely.

Actually, I'd try something different; I'd concentrate on making myself - you - feel better. It sounds to me as if you may have got into that grind (which I recognise) where you feel like a skivvy yourself, quite apart from how your partner's treating you. Can you take a Saturday off, blow some money on yourself and maybe a friend - haircut, new top (at the very least) and lunch in a cafe with a nice glass of wine? Recoup. Have some unpressured fun.

Then get a babysitter (if you can - we can, occasionally) and go out with him. From a position of strength and confidence in your gorgeous self.

Thanks for all your ideas. MI, I'd love to go out and blow money on myself, but we never have any!!!!!! We struggle to pay the bills most months, so if I spend money on me I invariably feel guilty. It would be nice to spend time on me though. I am really spotty at the mo, and I have put on masses of weight too. I feel like such a blimp and so ugly. I feel like DP doesnt fancy me anymore, as he never wants to initiate sex, he never tells me I look nice (he used to all the time until recently)

AAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! I'm such a bloody frump!

Sorry

I had some success recently by turning off the telly for the evening, putting on some soft music and looking through our photo albums together (from when we didn't have kids and I still looked good, avoid those baby pics as they are a passion killer). We also drank an enormous amount and ended up getting all slushy as well as sloshed.

Oh moozoboozo please don't think that your DP doesn't fancy you. This sounds exactly like me and DP but in reverse.

He has told me before that he doesn't think i fancy him anymore and that he thinks i am just with him out of habit and i never initiate sex. Although i don't very often initiate sex, none of the other aspects are true in the slightest. i fancy the pants off him, still like i did when i met him 5.5 years ago.
Sex just isn't as important to me as it is to him. I don't need it as much as him.

I think MI's advice is great but also appreciate that it may not be finacially possible. Your Dp need to make a concious effort, i find it hard to get motivated with DP sometimes (in the bedroom) but when i do, i really really enjoy it. I think somehow you need to get your DP to realise this.

Hi MB,

Have you talked to anybody (your GP, your partner) about how you are actually feeling now with regards to the PND?. Is your partner even aware that you're having problems re this?. Post natal depression is very common and it can be treated.

I am certain this is behind a lot of the problems you are experiencing with regards to your self image.

I wish you well

Oh honey, that does sound tough; and I agree that it's worth checking out the PND as well.

Could you consider, perhaps, some time for you that was also a walk (free) or a swim (usually pretty cheap?) I know I tend to go on about the benefits of exercise for feeling lousy, because I know it's important for me, but it is a well-known antidepressant - and, of course, a good way to start feeling a bit better about your body as well.