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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

staying in a marriage cos he can't hurt the children

70 replies

piratecat · 17/08/2010 16:55

walked myself right into a shit situation, nothing phsically has happened.

flame me, i guess i should have been more strong and stopped contact properly the many times we tried. I know i am lonely, but i am much more lonely than before this started.

We've fallen in love, whatever the heck that is, or why or how, it's somehting that has developed over the past 2 yrs of knowing each other, but only came to our minds 3 months ago.

Of course, i know the danger, i know cos i have expereinced it with my own parents and my husband left me for an ow. It's been soulless, and exciting all at the same time.

Yet, i know and knew all along he'd never leave his kids, just can't do it to them.

Does this make him better than the man or woman who does put thier needs first and leave the family home. I don't know.

Well I've called time on it anyway, put it to him that it hurts too much not to be together. Own lives and all that. His reply is that he loves me so very much but can't hurt his kids.

I've dealt with so so much shit over the last few yrs with my ex, my dd and her psychological trauma, her stint in hospital and months of physical pai.

WHY did i allow my heart to open up. what a fucking tit.

there. i had to write it down. it feels better to share, and i am really down right now. x

OP posts:
belledechocolatefluffybunny · 17/08/2010 16:57

Run dear, he want's is cake and will eat it. He's talking crap. Enough, you deserve better then to be someone's secret mistress.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 16:59

oh i have run. he's never wanted a mistress out of me, just has strong feelings for me. A spark, whatever, I've been strong and said right, what are we going to do, well we've both been saying that for 3 months.

I guess we just stop contact now. it hurts. he is a nice man, i guess shit happens all the time.

OP posts:
piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:01

i think i am asking for support to move forwards. x

OP posts:
piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:02

if i don't write it down here, i feel so down by it.

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belledechocolatefluffybunny · 17/08/2010 17:05

He's not a nice man. He's fooling his children and his wife. Never believe someone who is staying 'for the children', it's never for the children. They know and when they find out they will blame themselves.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:15

sorry i don't understand you last sentence?

I don't think i agree with him not being a nice man, things can just come along surely into nice people's lives.

A confused man, a having a crisis man, but not a man who is not nice? My dad left my mum, but he is still a nice man! Just wasn't happy with a marriage that startedoff when he was 20 yrs younger.

No, but you are right about the not leaving cos of his children. I don't want them hurt either. We are the grown ups here.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 17/08/2010 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belledechocolatefluffybunny · 17/08/2010 17:18

Children will find out that he 'stayed' in a miserable relationship because of them, surely they will feel a great amount of guilt from this? I wouldn't believe a man that says his marriage is over yet won't move out, I'd question whether it's realy over.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:21

guess i would have felt the same till i experienced it.

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piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:22

I guess if his marriage was terrible there would be no way he could stay. Yet people do stay don't they. Not just him, people do.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 17:29

hope you are ok PC - 1 day at a time.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:36

thankyou. i feel numb really.

OP posts:
piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:36

he has just text me, 'are you ok'

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ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 17:41

it is is really over for you, don't reply. You just have to completely cut contact - it is the only way.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:41

have been brave, have said please don't contact me anymore, i can't do this.

it felt shit but i know it's the only way.

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ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 17:41

that should say "if it is ..."

piratecat · 17/08/2010 17:45

it has to be over, there's no way off this rollercoaster. It's taken a long time, not that we havent tried, but i have had enough of the pain.

I know i am strong, i got thru a divorce and the subsequent bullying behaviour from my ex. The hurt he's caused my child.

I can do this.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 17:49

as I said, 1 day at a time. or 1 hour if needs be.

I remember your split, it was around the same time as mine.

piratecat · 17/08/2010 18:03

chasing, i recognised your name. thanks.x

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piratecat · 17/08/2010 21:34

bump of shamelessness

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ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 21:34

has he tried to contact again?

piratecat · 17/08/2010 21:38

no, nothing. i rang my sister and had a big cry so that was good, but crap aswell.

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ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 21:39

evenings can be crap can't they. Anything you could do to pamper yourself?

piratecat · 17/08/2010 21:47

well i have only just got dd sorted with bath and she is still up Blush

this is the first time in 3 months i havent been on my phone texting him. how the hell did it happen, where did it come from. just when you think life's thrown that many weird things at you!

i think i'll just make a cuppa and go to bed soon.

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 17/08/2010 21:48

don't take your phone with you! :)