Thank you Grace.
Bump back down to earth today. A conversation in the playground, about a department store, of all things, the better branch, being in my home town. I don't live there, but it's do-able if you have all day.
Another Mum was extolling the virtues of this place, and said, "people always go back to where they know".
I said, "I dare not go there in case I meet a member of my family, or worse, my mother".
It has left me feeling desperately sad, alone, and angry that they are STILL limiting MY life. But I couldn't take the risk of ever setting eyes on any of them ever again.
Funny how the smallest thing brings it all flooding back. That and the phrase: "who asked you?" genuinely said in jest, and not even to me, left me sitting in the space between the bed and the wall, looking, begging, hoping, pleading, out of the window for freedom from this, four, five, six years old, rocking and crying.
But now KNOWING why, and what, and what to do about it. I sobbed, and told bluebell how much I loved her, and that she was safe.
H hugged me. He may be promoted to an "d" if this goes on.