Possible Teenage Pregnancy

[alilhoyle33]

Hi

I have 5 kids which range from 2 to 14, my 14 year old is from a previous relationship and up until earlier this year she was living with my ex. He is an alcoholic but he had supposedly got better but recently he had gone backwards so he was spending all his money in the pub and was never at home. So my daughter was at home on her own. I didn't know this until I got a phone call from my social worker saying a colleague of hers had a family one her caseload and she though the daughter was related to me. I went to meet her one day at our church as I thought it would be a good meeting point as it was relatively neutral.

I've met her quite a few times over the last few months and over the last month she's been spending the weekends with us, she's met my 4 other children and my husband. The thing is since she's started coming to see us over the weekends she's been very sleepy, she's complained offeeling sick and that she constantly needs the bathroom. I suspect that she's sexually active and possibly become pregnant but I'm not sure how to approach it especially as i've only just met up again.

Alison

Can I suggest that if your user name reflects your real name you change it?

Other than that, you could try asking your DD if there is anything she would like to talk to you about/if things are OK, and see what she says. Who actually has parental responsiblity for her? Is it your XP or is she in care?

Hasn't this exact same thread been on before in the last monthly so? Am I cracking up?

yes but someone on the other message suggested cross threading it with this board and this is what i've done.

Did it get completely ignored last month? Or did you not like the advice you were given?
Presumably if another month has passed, you have done something about the situation, haven't you?

Just ask her. Ask her gently if it is possible that she could be pregnant.

Poor kid. Sounds like she has had a rough old time - living with alcoholic father down the pub all the time, barely seen her mother (from the sounds of it). Did you not see her before? Sounds very sad indeed that you only found out about the pub-going ex via social workers, tbh.

No it wasn't completely ignored but the advice was not all that helpful. I've tried to do something about the situation but it's not easy. She finds it very hard to open up and i completely understand that. I've haven't seen her since the mad court case when she was 4. I'm quite frightened myself for her sake i need her to talk to someone even if it's not me.

poor little love - what a rotten bloody start in life - for gods sake just ask her! buy a pregnancy tester and get her to do it!! my personal thoughts are that i would encourage a termination at that age, you may find however, that she will be desperate to keep it - babies offer unconditional love - maybe now is the time that she will need you to be a mother and fight for her and her baby.

By the sound of it there's a lot going on that you presumably can't talk about in case it identifies you, but my best advice would be, firstly tell this poor girl that you are there for her, that you will not judge her and that you love her (please do your best to keep any of your own opinions on the acceptability or not of abortion to yourself. They will not be relevant to her). Then talk to whoever actually does have parental responsibility for her - presumably a social worker as it sounds like her father has totally bailed out on her.

I've recently been talking to her social worker about how we got forward her social worker doesn't want her to stay where she's currently living. At the moment we don't have room for another one in our house but I do want have a relationship with her especially if she's pregnant. That reminds me i better get a move on she and I are supposed to be going out this afternoon I'm going to have nice to that prat of an ex as that is where i'm picking her up from.

she is your daughter, make room ffs!!

Oh please try and take her in if you can. Or at least speak to the social workers about what exactly they are going to do about homing her. Poor kid.

To be honest if she is pregnant it may well be subconsciously planned, so she can have someone to love.

Don't judge her whatever happens for crying out loud. Just listen to the poor girl. Hopefully it is a false alarm, but hopefully this will be a trigger in you for you to start being there for her.

sgb - i did mean that i would encourage (gently, point out that it is an option) termination, but support ANY decision she makes!

I've just picked up a very tearful teenager, who's father has been an absolute pig all morning to be honest I was surprised he wasn't in the pub. I brought her back to my somewhat messy home my daughter has met my two youngest as well she gave my 2 year old a great big cuddle when she saw her. Which I thought was interesting as she's never seen her before.

You think that is interesting?

Well, that is not the word I would use tbh.

Ok maybe interesting was the best choice of word but i wasn't quite sure how to describe it.

this is a very starnge thread

I don't understand one little bit of it

Op i find it hard to understand why you have not been in your dd's life until a few months ago but it sounds as though she really needs her mum right now & i hope for her sake you will be there for her .

I think I will just exit this thread.

I was not raised by my mother, and was a mixed up teenager, I also had a baby young (17) because I had novody else to love. My mother never gave a monkey's, was always bottom of the list for her. yes SHE always said that she was the vicitm, because she never got to raise me. Everything was about her.

OP you have a strangely detached and academic view on what is going on in your dd's life. She has approached you for help. You should be bending over backwards to try and help her feel loved, wanted, secure, valued. But somehow don't sense that in your posts.

But will leave it now because it's a bit close to the bone for me. I hope you manage to sort things out with the poor girl.

you gave it a good try, GOML

There is a bit of a story that goes behind my relationship with the girls father, when she was young i tried to run away from her alcoholic father as he had a tendency to beat me up and rape me. My deaughter was born and I tried to run away with her but he found us and made us stay. So I vowed we were leaving by other means I found a family lawyer and we took him to court he also gave up drinking and proved to his lawyer and the court that i was the evil one. He got custody and I got access which i was determined to make it work and let him go back to his drinking ways but I knew he would regardless of the fact he had our daughter. Unfortunately he also did a disappearing act and turned up a month or two ago when he took a new job in the town.

I suppose the other reason i feel a bit detached is that if dh and I reorganise the house so she can come and live with us my ex will start making things awkward. She seems very happy here with my daughter and son.

Bottom line is the she is your daughter..

I am sorry but it is unfortunate that your ex may make things awkward but this child- and yes she is just a child - is clearly calling out for help. You have to put her first and deal with the fall out from your ex.

She has probably had a pretty shitty life so far and it is now up to you to try and improve things for her. She wont care how crowded your house is she's probably starved of love and attention and would relish the thought of being part of your family

BUT you must deal with the ? pregnany issue before any more time passes.

This is your DAUGHTER you're talking about. I'm sure it'd be worth things being "awkward"

[mindboggle]

You left her with a druken rapist. I think you owe it to her to "fit her in somewhere"

...

Who cares if it is awkward dealing with your ex.

Youve left her living with a man who is a drunk and a rapist. Can you read that line back to yourself? Seriously and have a clear conscience about it?

She is 14, she is a child, she may or may not be pregnant, that is, at the moment, by the by, she needs your help, youre her mother. Make room.

Plus if she is 14, if she carries on living in this miserable situation for the next two years you can bet she won't make any effort at school (who would care/notice if she didn't go?), will leave with no results and have a really hard time getting employed because of it.

So you haven't been able to protect her from her drunken rapist father til now - well, now you can can't you? You know where she is, she is coming to you to rescue her, she is emotional at meeting her little brothers and sisters - what are you waiting for?