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Original poster

Possible Teenage Pregnancy

65 replies

alilhoyle33 · 11/08/2010 11:13

Hi

I have 5 kids which range from 2 to 14, my 14 year old is from a previous relationship and up until earlier this year she was living with my ex. He is an alcoholic but he had supposedly got better but recently he had gone backwards so he was spending all his money in the pub and was never at home. So my daughter was at home on her own. I didn't know this until I got a phone call from my social worker saying a colleague of hers had a family one her caseload and she though the daughter was related to me. I went to meet her one day at our church as I thought it would be a good meeting point as it was relatively neutral.

I've met her quite a few times over the last few months and over the last month she's been spending the weekends with us, she's met my 4 other children and my husband. The thing is since she's started coming to see us over the weekends she's been very sleepy, she's complained offeeling sick and that she constantly needs the bathroom. I suspect that she's sexually active and possibly become pregnant but I'm not sure how to approach it especially as i've only just met up again.

Alison

OP posts:
Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 11/08/2010 15:48

I know this my daughter i'm talking about and I really don't care what crap he throws in our direction, I can live with that. I didn't leave her with him the court gave him custody and then he disappeared. My whole intention was to make his life as annoying as possible so that the court could see what he was really like.

Her social worker is working on changing the custody order but these things take time. My dh came up with an interesting idea which is a short term idea which allow her to move in here and then give us some time to think where everyone is going to live. I must admit I hadn't thought of this in our loft there is a large doublebed airbed which we bought when we were without a bed. That is what we are going to do. DH said he will deal with my ex once he gets home from work but my daughter can stay here.

OP posts:
lilllysa · 11/08/2010 15:57

All I know is that if someone who was a druken rapist disappeared with my daughter every day of my life would be spent hunting them down and as soon as I found her I'm do ANYTHING to save her.

Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 11/08/2010 15:58

I meant where everyone is going to sleep not live typing error!

OP posts:
ElephantsAndMiasmas · 11/08/2010 16:39

good, OP. That will be fine for now, she is clearly desperate to live with you. God knows what she's been through.

Doha · 11/08/2010 16:59

Well done OP Your DH seems a good man and with his support you can BOTH deal with that vile EX of yours.
I am sure youe eldest DD will be very happy to be part of the family.
But please dont lose sight of your original post-is she pregnant !!

cluckyduck · 11/08/2010 18:20

You posted this on the pregnancy board 2 weeks ago. Word for word. Is she pregnant?

Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 12/08/2010 11:09

Last night after i got the two youngest to bed i sent dh upstairs to play on his laptop we had a chance to talk. I asked her about her life without me and she told me that she had a boyfriend. She told me that she was sexually active and she also told me that she thought she was pregnant. I gave her a test kit and told her to go use. A couple of minutes later she came back and said she thought she was pregnant, i looked at the test and she was right she is pregnant.

OP posts:
atswimtwolengths · 12/08/2010 11:16

Sorry to hear she's pregnant - she's so young. What does she plan to do now?

FoghornLeghorn · 12/08/2010 11:25

This is a perculiar thread. However, I will give it the benefit of the doubt ..... Hmm

She is your daughter, regardless of circumstances, your daughter. Take her in, get to know her, build bridges and for god sake just be there for her.

Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 12/08/2010 11:27

Last night she didn't know what she wanted to do, we had a look at a couple of websites together and I left her to think about whilst she slept. This morning she said that she wanted to carry on with the pregnancy so I going to arrange today for her to have a chat with her social worker about adoption. Hopefully by the end of the day she will know what she wants to do.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 12/08/2010 11:34

Christ almighty, what a godforsaken hard life that girl has.

She is determined to carry on with the pregnancy, but is talking adoption?

SUrely the best thing for a 14 year old gilr who does not want to keep the baby would be to have an abortion. Adoption at that age (at any age, a friend had a baby adopted when she was 25, completely messed up still 10 years on and regrets it) would be so traumatic, especially given her fractured upbringing.

Blimey, though, 'left her to think about it'. I wouldn't have left the poor girl's side.

bamboostalks · 12/08/2010 11:36

I would not expect her to make a decision like that by the end of the ady. I think you should contact her social worker asap.

LadyintheRadiator · 12/08/2010 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FoghornLeghorn · 12/08/2010 11:55

I doubt very much she will have made a decision by the end of the day, and if she has I would be seriously concerned about it !

She needs to understand all of her options and be made to realise no-one will make her do anything she doesn't want to, it has to be her choice

LynetteScavo · 12/08/2010 12:06

I also don't think she will have made a decision by the end of the day.

I hope the social worker can come up with some possibilities, though and help her think about things clearly.

Is having your daughter and the baby live with you out of the question? I suspect that is what your daughter really wants.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 12/08/2010 12:20

Don't you think taking her to the doctor might be a good idea? 14 is very young to be having a baby, and she should know about possible effects on her body at this age (off the top of my head, osteoporosis etc). Doc can hopefully point to an advice centre, marie stopes or similar. She also needs to work out how many weeks pregnant she is etc.

Would you decide about a pregnancy in 24 hours? She needs to know the pros and cons of all options (abortion, adoption, keeping the baby) and make an informed choice.

Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 12/08/2010 12:22

I think your all right about the adoption thing because i had never had a baby adopted. I tried imaging what it would have felt like if i had put my youngest daughter up for adoption it made me feel so sad and made me cry that I will leave it as an option. I know she needs to know all the options and that it has to be her choice in the end. I'm starting to come round to the the thinking that my daughter and the baby want to stay here. It is not impossible for her and the baby to stay here as my dh said when i went to bed is that at some point we will need to move but we will cross that bridge when we need to. My social worker is coming round this afternoon to have a chat with her and me.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 12/08/2010 12:26

You would cry at the thought of your youngest daughter being adopted, however your elder daughter was left with an abusive alcoholic?

Sorry, I have nothing further to add to this thread, I hope to god that social services can give this poor kid some guidance and support.

Original poster
alilhoyle33 · 12/08/2010 12:28

I've booked her an appointment with my GP for later on this afternoon.

OP posts:
CatPower · 12/08/2010 12:36

This poor, poor, poor girl.

I can understand that she hasn't lived with you or spent a lot of time with you, but she is your daughter just as much as your youngest is. She needs just as much love and support - if not more, considering what a shocking childhood her parents gave her. Angry

She may be 14 and sexually active but she is still a child. Your child. She needs you to act like a mother and not like a supportive friend.

I really hope the social worker can help her.

AnyFucker · 12/08/2010 13:25

goml, fgs, stay off this thread

this child could be several months pregnant...why the hell isn't someone taking her to the doc's ?

jesuswhatnext · 12/08/2010 13:29

what about the babys father, what are his family like? is there NO one that actually cares for this child? poor little devil, my heart goes out to her - i dont think i have ever read such detached postings from a mother about her child!!!

do you really not get it!! YOUR DAUGHTER NEEDS HELP!!! FROM AN ADULT WHO GIVES A SHIT!!

FallingWithStyle · 12/08/2010 13:41

jesuswhatnext - calm down, op clearly does give a shit.

The girl needs to see a doctor as soon as possible.

FallingWithStyle · 12/08/2010 13:44

Pesumably, op, this is something the SW will have to arrange?

Not that I ahve any idea, just assuming. If so then please make sure they do it asap. As AF said she could be many months pg already.

EvaLongoria · 12/08/2010 13:53

This thread really does sound a little unbelievable. I fail to see how a woman can have 5 kids (4 living with her) and cant make room for her first daughter that clearly needs her.

About space.... make space even if it means that the younger few start sharing rooms. This is a 14 year old that needs her mother. If you cannot do that then pass it on to SC and stay out of her life because you clearly dont care about her. If that was my daughter even if it meant that we had to be temporary cramped like sardines I would make it work.

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