has any1s relationship fallen apart after a baby

[starshaker]

just wandering and when did u decided enough was enough

having these kind of feelings at the mo and could do with advice

No, mine fell apart during pregnancy. I'm expecting anot5her but god knows how it happened.

How long is it since your new baby arrived? Things are always different at first but usually settle down. Any more info?

shes 18 weeks and me and dp have now had sex since god knows when we hardly talk and always argue i hate it and dont know if i can cope with the situation anymore sometimes think id be better of just with dd on my own

Ah, 18 weeks isn't long at all. Give it 'til baby is at least 1, then evaluate the situation.

Really sorry to hear things are so bad. It can be so tough with a new baby that sometimes having a difficult dh/dp makes it seem even worse. I know there have been times when I've found I'm more relaxed when I'm on my own with the baby just because I'm not resenting dh for not doing more.

How does your dp feel about the baby? Has he been able to establish any bond with her? Has he told you why he's finding it so tough? Sorry to bombard you with questions. If you're just after a view, mine is that I have had moments like you're describing, often several times a day. I think dh has found the adjustment very hard and has resented the baby taking over our lives. He also misses the things we used to do together. But fortunately he has been prepared to talk about it. Hearing him say these things has been quite painful though.

I agree strongly with colditz. I know of a couple who made a pact to make no relationship decisions during the first year of their baby's life because they knew it was going to be a huge challenge. Everyone (surely it's not just me) has very bleak times during the first few monhts relationshipwise and it is hard to be rational on two hours sleep a week.

No problems after ds really until I got pregnant (accident!) with dd (although to be honest perhaps things were dodgy before then). We are still together but we have had some really rough touch and go times particularly in the last few years. Please talk about it with your dh there may be something that is really making him feel bad, or something that is really upsetting you to make the arguments feel so bad (apart from the lack of sleep issue, which is very real). Agree that things won't settle for at least a year, both for you to recover from pregnancy/birth/b-feeding (if you are b-feeding). But I don't recommend not talking for a year - my dh was very upset about how dd's birth went which was one cause of our relationshp problems, but he didn't tell me how upset he was for a whole year, by which time we were really estranged.

Good luck, hang on in there and it should get better!

People who don't go through this are few and faw between IMO. I totally agree with Colditz, don't make any decisions till baby is about one.

As I read Dobbin said no relationship decisions not don't talk! Of course you should talk.

What sort of things are you arguing about?

With my DH is was mainly baby crying in the night and the stress of living on much less money. Also I think many men don't get involoved enough because we, the mums, don't really let them.

Be strong things are more than likey to improve.