Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

baby with my ex

13 replies

tibywibs · 03/08/2010 21:12

After my husbands affair we decided to split however have remained close friends and occaisionally being "friends with benefits!"
We split about 18m ago and two weeks after i found out i was pregnant, unfortunately though, i miscarried the baby. This has totally stuck in my mind ever since and as we're friends i am considering talking to my ex about having a baby together. I do not want to get back together and I do not want a relationship with anyone else. I just want a baby and he is a great dad, cant fault him in that area. Am I mental or could this actually work?

OP posts:
EricNorthmansmistress · 03/08/2010 21:16

Why would you do this? Do you have children already? Surely you would be better off giving yourself a chance to meet someone new to have a supportive family unit?

Co-parenting without being in a relationship can work, but I don't think it's a brilliant idea as a first choice. too many variables and risks. What if he meets someone else and has another family? You will get the smallest slice of the time/money pie. I also think there is something odd about being 'fwb' with an ex husband who has cheated on you. Better to make a clean break rather than muddy the water with sex and a baby (!)

Original poster
tibywibs · 03/08/2010 21:22

we do have 2 children already. aged 4 and 2. I really do enjoy being a single parent and know i could cope as living with him was like having another child and i definately do not want anybody else. I know that i only want one more baby so why not with him! Also his culture suggests that he will not remarry or have other children... well so he says anyway

OP posts:
Original poster
tibywibs · 03/08/2010 21:24

oh yes, and we dont co parent as such. The children stay with me 100% of the time and he comes round every day and takes them out at a weekend

OP posts:
SugarMousePink · 03/08/2010 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
tibywibs · 03/08/2010 21:32

Thanks for your opinions, I need to hear them! I always do wonder if i do still have feelings for him. I know for certain that I dont want him back in the house, but i do wonder if i want him to care for me more than just as the kids mother

OP posts:
Original poster
tibywibs · 03/08/2010 21:35

But as for explaining to a baby about where it came from. I'd rather explain that all 3 kids come from the same daddy than 2 failed relationships. I know that one more baby and I'm done so I'd rather not have kids from different fathers

OP posts:
Tippychoocks · 03/08/2010 22:02

I have seriously considered this or did consider it the last time X and I split.In fact it was one of the main reasons for trying again. I wanted DD to have a sibling, I wanted another baby and we had made a really nice one already.
But - I think your desire for a baby clouds things a bit. You may get back with him when PG and hormonal/scared/worried.It may not go as well as you think.
But again - people use friends as donors and get pg in all sorts of ways. Perhaps its not such a mad idea. Evidently I am not a good person to comment

Original poster
tibywibs · 04/08/2010 10:13

Thanks for your comment tippychooks.Good to know i'm not totally insane and someone else has considered it!

OP posts:
sotiredcantthink · 04/08/2010 12:29

I can totally understand wt you mean, in my culture if i split from partner i wouldnt be able to marry again, (not that id want to!) so the times i have thought of splitting from him one of the first things that comes to mind is the no. Of children i have, as i no i wouldnt have anymore with anyone else (and it is easier if they all are from one failed relationship and all have the same dad instead of multiple fathers) however the things you need to be wary of are if your doing this to kind of rope him back in? And your actual reasons for wanting another baby if youv already got 2, is it because youd actually love another child or is it because you think having a third baby may tie him down more? Or make him come back etc? (when i was considering splitting i only had one baby and wanted one more as company for my child). Hes a cheat n because of that he doesnt deserve to be with you, he could already be with someone else and be sleeping with you on the side

LynetteScavo · 04/08/2010 12:33

I think it could work, if he agreed to it.

Would you run it by him first?

If you surprised him with a baby, I think there could be a risk he didn't bond with it, and continued to take the older children out, but not the younger one.

Original poster
tibywibs · 04/08/2010 14:56

I would def talk to him about it first as i wouldn't want him to think that i was trying to win his affections. We know we are no good as a couple but we are a great parenting team. I love him as the father of the my children and he feels the same, but there is no way that we'll get back together. it would just be 2 friends having a baby.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 04/08/2010 15:38

As long as you are sure that you are ot planning this as a way of turning him into a faithful husband (It won;t work. He's not monogamous and doesn't want to be) it;s not actually the worst idea in the world. You have seen that he's a good parent, or at least a loving and involved one.
But the best thing to do is think thorugh your own motives thoroughly, then talk them through with him. And you should also be careful that he doesn't agree as a way of getting his feet back under the table but while retaining the right to sleep with other women (unless you actually don't mind about this.)

Original poster
tibywibs · 04/08/2010 18:14

Thanks SGB. I think i'll talk to him, I know its right for me, i am so ready for another child that i have considered sperm banks! However, as i said before, I'd rather have 3 children with the same daddy than 2 who get to see theirs and one that possibly wont. AARRGGHH! I'll invite him for tea and see what he says! Thanks all posters

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page