Don't even know why I am posting really. I know there is nothing anyone can do, but I need a rant I suppose.
Anyway, 12 years of marriage, dc5 born 9 weeks ago. Past year has been tough since I was assaulted and put in hospital and with the pregnancy too. DH gradually become more and more distant. Ended up feeling as though he was repulsed by my shape being pregnant. Just got on with it. The past few weeks have been even worse. Then all of a sudden, a few days ago, DH is all over me. Really weird. He had been texting so much the past few months and using up all the credit on his phone that I checked his phone records, and there was one number on there that was text over and over and over. I confronted him and he said it was a mate from work. Gave him the benefit of the doubt. Then when he started trying to be all over me he almost made himself look more suspicious to me.
Anyway yesterday, he left his phone at home. He had a lock on it. So I took the sim out and put it in mine. Wrong I know, and to be honest I wish I hadn't. Messages on the sim showed up on my phone, saying things like 'we couldn't get round that corner quick enough......' and 'how can you still want me after what happened on thursday....' and 'what if we had got caught...' I felt sick and my legs collapsed from under me reading them. So I rang his work and said 'i know whats going on, you've been rumbled'...silence...'don't bother coming home'.... he asked what i meant and I told him what I had found and he said that he would come home and explain. Told him not to bother. 2 hours later (he works 4 miles away) He came back and at first he was just really cross that I had looked at his phone. I told him I only did it cos I had good reason and that I was right. He said did the usual 'it's not what you think' routine. Then he tried to turn it on me saying he's been miserable since I was assaulted cos the woman who did it went to him and said i was having an affair with her husband (which i swear on my kids lives, fathers grave and anything else i cherish that I haven't and wouldn't. He is a slimey b&%$d and I wouldn't even look at him let alone anything else) So in a way I think he was trying to justify his actions. He left after half an hour and went back to work. Came back after work. In the end he said that it was just someone he had met through work and they got chatting and started texting. Then he said it started getting 'silly' (he wouldn't explain what he meant by 'silly') so he stopped it. He ended it last week apparently before it got 'too serious' Yet I have just looked at his phone records again and he was still texting her all day on wednesday when he was off work and supposed to be with me and the kids and while I was in hospital with our baby having her hips scanned.
I asked him what she meant by the things she said in her texts, and he just kept saying 'i don't know I can't remember, my heads messed up and I've got so much going on right now' I said 'how would i know...you don't talk to me, you talk to HER' He said it was just someone to talk to. I asked him so many time to talk to me over the past year and he wouldn't. Obviously didn't need to if he had someone else to talk to. Shes some posh business woman who is a bit older than him. Everything I am not. I don't know what to believe. He asked if he could come back after work today and talk things through which I agreed to cos at the end of the day we have got 5 kids to consider, and even now I still stand by what I have always said in that I would never stop him seeing the kids if anything happened between us (unless it was something totally unforgivable, violence etc) and he knows that.
To me, the things I read aren't the sort of things you just text, it sounds like more happened. He said he hardly sees her cos she lives ages away and she only goes to his work now and again. But he did admit that he felt they were getting closer but he realised he loved me and ended it cos he didn't want it to 'get too far'
I said that he must have been attracted to her in the first place to exchange numbers. He said he wasn't and they were just friends and it looked like it was developing into something else so he stopped it. Apparently he's been texting her for over a year, so basically while we were trying to concieve dd3
I just don't know what to do to be honest. I do love him, and part of me can't imagine a life without him, but there is no way on this planet I will ever trust him again, and I think that once the trust has gone, theres no real base for a relationship. Before we got married he 'kissed' a friend of mine at a party after sending me home in a taxi cos i was a little tipsy. It was 'just a kiss' but the trust started to crumble then really I suppose. Hindsight eh!?