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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

what would you make of this? im quite worried...

90 replies

whatisallthis · 27/07/2010 18:39

i was gunna name change but i cant be arsed!...

background... me and dp together 4 1/2 years good relationship with some rough patches relating to money.

things are good between us lately although dp i think is depressed regarding his money troubles and tough family life with his ex, kids situation, living arrangements staying at his parent's house etc.

he's been moody as hell last few weeks as he's been stressed with certain bills coming up that he cant afford. he's taking it all out on me but i have pretty much let him and kept my mouth shut as i think he has some depression and i dont want to make it worse or drive him away.

anyway, couple of hours ago looked in dp's bag to find the phone charger. pulled out a load of unopened bills (which i expected) and amoungst these was 2 pieces of paper (freshly written as the paper was ne wlooking and not screwed up or anything-only folded over)

one piece of paper was a list 1-10 of different sexual things...
1- sleep n
2- naked bodys
3- first night
4- pure adrenalin
5- come on body
6- on top
7- behind
8- come anal
9- swall
10- CIS
7- CI Mouth

im guessing 1 = stay the night, 10 is come inside, and the second 7 is come in mouth

the second piece of paper across the top had
GE-2 ST-3 W-1 s-1 O(or D cant work it out)-1

then there was a list of 22 names. well the last one says (Braces) and one of the names says Geordie

then next to each name is all the numbers from the list that apply to them.

my name is on the list and so is his ex wife. we are the only ones with all the numbers. then the rest have between 3 and 10 numbers. a few dont have 'come inside' and they all have pure adrenalin.

the 7 names haven't been completed yet but all the rest have. i recognise only one other name as an ex girlfriend which is the girl he was with before me but none of the rest mean anything to me.

im shitting myself at what this list may mean. never in my time with him have i ever thought of him as the type to cheat and ive never thought he ever would. he's told me before he's slept with around 21-22 people in his life. but he's also told me a lot of these were at a boys holiday when he was 18 so there is no way he could remember every girls name from 18 years ago surely? and surely these women from his holiday would have been 'quickies', not women who could have forfilled all these different things.

i also know that shortly after this holiday he got with his wife. i know that he did cheat on her a few times so i know he is capable of it, i just never thought he would do it to me as we have a very sexual relationship. and there was only one woman between me and his wife who i mentioned is on the list

please tell me what you think and what you would do? i dont know weather to confront him over it yet or see if he finishes the list over the next week. i feel like i want to see if his workplace has any girls with these names. i know there are loads of girls there as its a departent store he works and a lot of young girls like what i used to be when i first met him!

he never goes out, and if he's not with me he's with his kids. so i dont know when he would have had toime to see anyone else

could i be reading into things?

OP posts:
kittyonthebeam · 03/08/2010 12:03

how odd.

does he have to make up a list because he's caught something and has to contact them? wouldn't explain the 'pure adrenalin' thingy.

Also don't think he's gonna find 'braces' and 'geordie' in a phone book.

Very immature, the sort of stuff a teenager would do. I wouldn't rip him apart though. He sounds as if he needs assurance from you rather than a dressing down.

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 14:16

Message deleted

maduggar · 03/08/2010 16:52

Agree with Chequered, those sound like nicknames for 2 women he cant remmeber the actual name of, not names that just popped into his head to show his mate. Im betting this really is a list of his "conquests".

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 18:25

I wonder if "braces" and "geordie" were aware that their sexual exploits were being detailed on a "list" that was then being sniggered over (presumably) by these lovely-sounding blokes

perhaps they were entitled to a "private life" too

although I agree that two wrongs don't make a right (ie. the OP posting it here), I think this bloke has made a rather large statement about the kind of person he is

and I, for sure, would like a heads-up about the kind of bloke I was married to

FluffyCut · 03/08/2010 19:10

I know im a bit thick but i dont understand his answer. He said he was compiling the list with a mate to show him how the scoring is done?

Scoring for what?? Why would he need a list?

and what did the bits across the top of the 2nd list mean?

Friends and I made lists of boys we'd snogged but we were only 14

Shiney - you're scaring me, you said only 22 people he'd slept with... I thought that was loads, is that a 'normal' (average probably better word) number then?

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 19:21

Message deleted

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 19:26

SS, I take your point, and I acknowledged that two wrongs don't make a right

But this is a 36yo family man

How she acquired this "knowledge", to me, is irrelevant when faced with what it says about him

The end justifies the means, in that he sounds like an absolute twat, and a liar to boot

It is best she has a heads-up, and I would not regret snooping if I discovered such a damning indictment of the kind of bloke I was married to

Just my thoughts ( and that is all they amount to, of course)

OP, I think you have decided to accept his explanation and move on so I am actually sorry this thread has been somewhat resurrected and remember I don't know your bloke, but you do

FluffyCut · 03/08/2010 19:36

will someone please explain the explanation to me please??

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 19:40

Message deleted

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 19:57

sassy, you make some good points

FWIW, that convo you described amongst grown women would not impress me either

And I don't think it is too much to ask for a "tasteful" husband

the fact that my DH would never countenance such immature behaviour and would take a dim view of any 36yo family who would is one of the things that attracts me to him in the first place

no, it isn't illegal...but it is shit

and I couldn't tolerate shit behaviour from someone who is supposed to be a grown-up

will shut up now

my broomstick is waiting

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 21:34

Message deleted

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 21:46

my DH is a gentleman

thankfully

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 21:47

Message deleted

AnyFucker · 03/08/2010 21:54

but of course

SassySusan · 03/08/2010 22:19

Message deleted

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