I still have the capacity to love him, but I just don't.
He treats me so badly most of the time & talks to be as if I'm something he stepped in. There is no respect there.
Occasionally, he'll be nice & cuddle me & it'll feel like everything's okay. Occasionally, he'll get really upset at how he treats me & apologise & say things will get better, that he'll go back on his anti-depressants, etc. But it never happens.
I want to be happy with him. I want him to love & respect me & for us to live happily ever after with DS. But at the moment, I just can't live with him. Yet every time he gives me a little bit of hope by being nice, it resets everything. It's like I can't hold myself together enough to ignore it. I know this makes me weak.
I hate living like this. I hate crying every single day & being called names. I hate him. But I want so badly for him to make it so I can love him again.