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Relationships

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Original poster

Dh doesn't like oral sex..

51 replies

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:14

Well that's it really and just wondered if anyone had the same situation.

He' likes me to give him bj (not that i have for years!, virtually never have sex now anyway) but he never used to go down on me. I asked him why and he said he doesn't like it, just doesn't think it's very nice. Makes me feel a bit offended i suppose, i've enjoyed it with ex partners. A while ago when i asked hm if he like my bum and if he wanted to kiss it, his reponse waas it had never occurred to him to do so!

Am i wrong to be a bit hurt or should i just accept he doesn't like it?

OP posts:

Rafwife · 12/07/2010 18:18

Well if he truely dosne't like it then obviously people shouldn't be made to feel they have to do something.

In my past experience though it tends to be more of a case they can't be bothered and are not interested unless it's them getting sucked off.

So if it's the latter then no don't accept the selfishness.

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:20

Not sure which it is really, it's very hard to get info out of him. He's done it once of twice in the past and has recently admitted he only did it becuase i'd asked him why he never did, but he doesn't enjoy doing it.

OP posts:

whomovedmychocolate · 12/07/2010 18:20

Perhaps he has no idea what he's doing and just vaguely sticks his nose into your ladygarden while going bibbble?

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:25

He's in his 40's and had lots of parrners before me

OP posts:

Rafwife · 12/07/2010 18:29

Hmm I'd be less inclined to think it's because he's not sure then. He either really does not like it then or is just selfish.

I have never met a guy who is the former just the latter when it came down to it.

It's a bit hypocritcal though he won't give but is more than happy to receive, I'd just stop giving Bj's tbh whenever you do and just say you don't like it.

whomovedmychocolate · 12/07/2010 18:33

So there are a lot of disappointed women rather than a few? He sounds like a real catch!

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:34

Haven't given him bj for ages, but then we hardly ever have sex anyway. Went of for years feeling he wasn't tht interested and now I'm not (well not with him, anyway) I do still have my libido, it's just that so many things have happened with him that i just don' feel that way anymore. He does know i feel this way but doesn't seem bothered.

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 12/07/2010 18:35

do you know whether he had a previously bad experience with oral ie the woman he went down on wasn't clean?

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:37

He said he never did oral with xps. I do take alot of care of myself, btw

OP posts:

whomovedmychocolate · 12/07/2010 18:38

So you don't fancy him much, but you are resentful because he doesn't want to go down on you?

I can understand you feeling rejected but if you don't want to have sex with him anyway, why do you care?

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:43

I suppose part of the reason i've gone off him is that he is so disinterested in sex, eg not liking oral, silent during sex, same position, not expressive. I used to fancy him loads, adored him.... I've kind of switched off over the last couple of years i think

OP posts:

aseriouslyblondemoment · 12/07/2010 18:43

OP wasn't suggesting that you don't!
but it might have explained his general aversion

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:45

Yes, i understand your point aseriously. But he knows i look after myslef and has been down there a couple of times in the past..

OP posts:

WhenwillIfeelnormal · 12/07/2010 18:47

But given what you have said about your relationship generally, this is presumably the least of your worries? If you haven't been having sex for a long time, I expect the relationship is brimming with resentment and contempt. It would perhaps be a surprise if oral sex was happening.

Isn't this more of a problem about what you are both getting from the relationship generally?

Rafwife · 12/07/2010 18:49

I'd say you have more things to worry about than lack of OS tbh.

Hassled · 12/07/2010 18:50

Is your relationship good otherwise? You don't sound like you really care much re the lack of sex - although I guess you wouldn't have started this thread if that were true. Is it something you can talk easily about or is it all painfully awkward?

ElectricSoftParade · 12/07/2010 18:51

My DH was reluctant to go "down there". We have been together for 14 years and he is now much more willing (after a bit of prodding) to explore "the area". This came about after a drunken night and I basically said no chance of anything unless you DO IT.

Sighing, he found his way down there and bibbled (love that word!! made me pmsl) and then came up for air and said "Fuck me, you taste lovely". To which I replied "Of course I do!!". Then he told me of a woman he had been with who hadn't been particularly fresh when he went down on her and it had put him off.

My response was that if he wanted me to go down on him, he must, to be fair, extend the same pleasure to me. He does but not as often as I would like. Makes me think back to an ex I was with for 7 years starting from my early 20s - he would go down there for what seemed like hours and loved it. Although at the time I was not fussed as I hadn't relaxed enough myself. Now, I would love it.

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 18:56

There have been lots of other issues in our relationship. Anger, rows, violence from both, i left for a while and got involved with someone else, had counselling. Things are far better now than they used to be - not so much anger and no violnce but the mani thing missing is that"emotional closeness". eg i've been taaking ad's on and off just to try to make me "feel less". he knows this and have never once asked how i was getting on with them. Silly example maybe...

OP posts:

Gigantaur · 12/07/2010 19:03

it is ok that he doesn't want to do it to you, just dont do it to him.

AliGrylls · 12/07/2010 19:10

From what you have said and what I am reading it is the lack of emotional closeness that is the problem not the fact that he won't go down on you.

If he made you feel happy and confident sexually the fact that he never went down on you would be unimportant.

BabyDubsEverywhere · 12/07/2010 19:13

My gosh this really doesnt seem like a sex problem.

May be completely off the mark, and if thats the case i appologise, but i have to ask, why are you together? You do reralise you only have one life, and you are wasting it being unhappy with this man. Are you really going o be in this relationship forever? Can you honestly see things improving to the point of happiness? if so then great stuff your a better woman than i am, but if not

what are you waiting for???

RumourOfAHurricane · 12/07/2010 19:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

togoornot · 12/07/2010 19:40

Yes , you're right, the oral sex is one of the least iportant issues, just seemed important in my mind the last few days. I think we're partly together because of ds and i know it's not a reason to stay. I also know the grass isn't always greener...

OP posts:

Coolfonz · 12/07/2010 19:43

Is your name to go or not a clue?

Without a single shred of evidence and nothing to substantiate me on this whatsoever, i've always thought men who don't like giving head to da laydeez are possibly a bit to the gay end of straight, or gay and in denial.

Like what's not to like, fairly recent showering assumed etc etc.

Coolfonz · 12/07/2010 19:45

That should read:

"Like, what's not to like? Fairly recent showering assumed etc etc"

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