Dh doesn't like oral sex..

[togoornot]

Well that's it really and just wondered if anyone had the same situation.

He' likes me to give him bj (not that i have for years!, virtually never have sex now anyway) but he never used to go down on me. I asked him why and he said he doesn't like it, just doesn't think it's very nice. Makes me feel a bit offended i suppose, i've enjoyed it with ex partners. A while ago when i asked hm if he like my bum and if he wanted to kiss it, his reponse waas it had never occurred to him to do so!

Am i wrong to be a bit hurt or should i just accept he doesn't like it?

Not really considered he might be heading towards being gay. last year i discovered he'd been looking at porn wheneer he got the chance, but there were not gay sites - but was surprised by what i found - he was looking at BDSM sites. Says he doesn't look anymore

When I've been with men who don't like giving I seethe with resentment tbh. I much prefer lovers who enjoy it. Makes me adore them more.

Of course he still looks at porn all men do. If you are not having sex even more so.

I think you have communication issues tbh, why are you together?

Domination/sub is quite a common fantasy theme in peoples heads anyhow.

I think you could do with working out the purpose of this relationship, and if it isnt fulfilling that purpose, scrap it - your son will not thank you for being being with his dad if your hearts/your happiness isnt in it - i speak from first hand experience. its a shame to waste time being unhappy when you could do something about it

Yes i know BDSM doesn't mean gay, it wasn't me who suggested he was!

I have left him before as i said earlier in the thread but ended up missing him.

He doesn't communicate well, rarely asks me anything. other than about practical issues.

I think I'm very scared of beind alone esp with ds, i know that's probably cowardly

Can I just applaud the suggestion that OP may be 'flogging a dead horse' if he's into BDSM

If he wants to try domination you could always tie him up and sit on his face make him suck it up beg.

Ok, my post seems to have turned into a joke now

Ah don't be sad - a certain amount of ribbing is required on both condoms and mumsnet.

I feel for you, being sexually abandoned is no fun. But you are going to have to work bloody hard to turn this one around. You either both commit to having a sex life or it just won't happen. Sorry!

I think it's quite clear from your postings OS, is not the issue the relationship is broken.

You need to start working out what you are going to do long term before worrying about lack of OS, seriously. You are not going to have great sex of any type with the rut you are in

I did start it.

I'm proud to be a prodder in the oral sex stakes.

Relationship counsellor was my first thought, I believe Relate offer sex therapy.

BUT given there's been violence and you're on AD's, I would suggest you go to a therapist on your own and work out if you really think this relationship is worth continuing. Honestly doesn't seem like there's much to recommend it.

I wouldn't have a problem with living with a partner who didn't enjoy giving oral sex (and this wouldn't stop me giving it) if he was a caring, giving, imaginative partner in other ways. Your partner OP, sounds, sorry to say, utterly dull in bed, however, this does sound, as others say, the least of your problems.

Silent sex is like having fish and chips withour salt and vinegar.It's just not right!

BenHer - i agree with your fish and chips comment - very good comparison!

Was awake alot last night thinking about the situation and just don't know. It's kind of "not bad enough to leave" but "not good enough to stay" if that makes sense?

Been thinking about things a lot today and also read the post about whether arguing badly affects children. Made me think about our most recent horrible row.

Started with me feeling unappreciated about something as dh barely acknowledged something i's done for us. he said it was "because he was reading the paper" I was really hurt as had gone to alot of effort so told him it wan't an excuse and to leave me alone as his attitude was upsetting me. he refused to leave em alone and then started ranting (ds was in the same room) about never being aloud to read the paper, how everything had to revolve around my needsm how it was the "my name in rl" show - all done in a very shouty aggressive way, Ds was looking very worried and said dh "you're not allowed to ready the paper" and dh replied to him angrily that it was because mummy wouldn't let him. and muumy had to apologise for her behaviour. I hated how he was involving ds so i took ds out with me for a while.

togoornot, please, stop this now. You are doing it again, writing an OP then drip feeding further info in order to get ...., well, what exactly? In the past you have had posters tell you to go, others tell you to stay, still others tell you to try counselling and so on and so on. I do not want to say too much to identify you, but you must realise that, yet again, what you have posted could possibly be attributed to DH's condition that you have alluded to in the past? And that if this is the case, there is little you can do to change that behaviour?

The row you mention is, tbh, following the same pattern as always.

My advice to you is therefore going to be the same as always: clearly this relationship is not working. I doubt it will ever work. Oral sex is actually nothing to do with it, it is just another excuse for you to post for more advice that you will ignore.End your relationship. Do not go running straight into the arms of your OM, spend time on your own with your DS. Work out what you really want from a relationship and then have a serious think about whether what you want is actually realistic and achievable. I suspect you are going to have to lower your expectations somewhat. Much as you might want to have everything in your world revolve around you, that really is not going to happen, especially as you have a DS who really ought to be number one priority for you and DH. From previous discussions you have started,honestly? your DH could have a point when he says everything has to revolve around you and that it is like the 'togoornot show'.

I hope you don't think I am being unkind, I genuinely don't mean to be, but having read your threads for a couple of years now, with very little difference in them TBH, I really do feel that you need to move on.

Bloody hell, two years making a decision!

SOmehow I knew that this wouldn't be about him receiving blowjobs.

Message deleted

Some things have changed - I haven't seen OM for a year now, I've made a huge effort to try to improve things with dh, ds is my priority. Yes some of dh's behaviour may be attributed to aspegers but that doesm't make it any eaier to deal with.